


Soul Swap

by ZombieLieutenant



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fix It, Minor Angel/Buffy Summers, Post-Canon, Season 2, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:08:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 59,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25561093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZombieLieutenant/pseuds/ZombieLieutenant
Summary: “Listen, Buffy. The Powers are really not happy with that stunt you guys pulled with the Potentials. Well, not happy is the understatement of the year. Anyway, they want you to go back and change it. You can change whatever else you want while you’re at it. They don’t care. But you can’t let them all be activated again.”Buffy is given a chance to go back in time by the Powers. The catch? It's not her body or mind that goes back: it's her soul.Rating may go up during later chapters
Relationships: Spike/Buffy Summers
Comments: 58
Kudos: 252





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this for a while now. The quarantine has gotten me back into Buffy _hard_. I'm excited to write a multi-chapter fic again. It's been _ages_.

The once luscious prairie was a barren wasteland. Burned grass was littered with blood and body parts. For miles and miles, it was all that could be seen. The sole survivor sat in the shade her tent provided, protecting her from the summer heat. Her hardened, green eyes watched the mosquitoes taking advantage of the devastation before her. Yet again, she had to endure tremendous loss. And, to her dismay, she again remained very much alive. What did being alive even mean anymore when everyone around her kept dying?

She wiped her face and was surprised to find tears. Huh. She didn’t know the last time she cried. She had cried when her watcher sacrificed himself for her years earlier. She sobbed when her sister used her very essence to stop a previous apocalypse, leaving only memories behind. But, by the time her oldest friends had died in battle, the survivor found her cheeks dry. She kept on surviving, and in return emptiness took up residence deep inside of her. When did the emptiness begin, really? Was it once none of the Scoobies remained? When Angel died a very human death? Perhaps it was when she found herself still alive after a bomb had shattered her body into pieces: undeniable proof that the activation of the Potentials activated something in herself as well. Or, maybe it really was like her sister had said: when Spike died, a part of her older sister died with him.

No. She wasn’t thinking about that. She turned away from the battlefield and entered her tent. It didn’t matter that it had been thirty years ago. She still avoided thinking about that day. About what she lost that day. Because, if she went down that line of thinking, she would start a cycle of what ifs and find herself in despair. At this point, feeling numb was better than feeling regret. With a sigh, she went to her medkit. She would heal without any interference, she knew this, but it was less painful to at least help her body out. She popped her dislocated shoulder back into its socket and looked at the deep laceration in her arm. Exposed bone and vasculature stared back at her. The survivor opened up a dressing kit and briefly considered if it would be a good idea to use packing or not. It helped the wound heal much faster, but if she forgot about it, then she would have gauze ribbons trapped under her skin until it eventually dissolved. And, it tended to be really uncomfortable when that happened. She took a saline syringe and began debridement of dead tissue and winced. Shit. She always forgot how painful that was. She turned her head to look for her bag of medications.

“Looking for this?”

The survivor looked up. Standing in her tent was a woman in a white dress. She had a soft, ethereal glow to her. Her dark hair was down and impeccable: not a single strand out of place.

“Cordelia,” the survivor said.

“Yes, hi Buffy. Been a while, hasn’t it?”

“You look the same as always. I like the dress,” she said with a neutral tone. Cordelia looked down and moved side to side.

“It’s nice, isn’t it?”

“What are you doing here, Cordy?” Buffy asked. Cordelia crossed her arms.

“Straight to business, huh?”

“Look, Cordelia. If you’re not here to deliver a quick message and flee, you could at least pass me some dilaudid.” The elegant woman sighed and opened the bag in front of her. She tossed a bottle of pills to the survivor. Buffy frowned.

“What’s wrong with it?” Cordelia asked.

“Pills. It’ll take too long to start working. I need an injection. Pass me one of the vials,” Buffy instructed. Cordelia looked through the bag for the correct vial. “So, why are you visiting, Cordy?”

“What, I can’t just come by and say hi to my favourite immortal Slayer?”

“It’s not like I have a lot of competition.”

“Yeah, but for a while Faith was a lot more fun to hang out with. Catch.” Having found the correct vial, Cordelia tossed it to Buffy. She caught it with ease and opened it, preparing the injection.

“Plus, I actually listen to your bosses.”

“That and you’re not psychotic.” Buffy winced. She didn’t enjoy her unwanted status of immortal, but she handled it a lot better than her counterpart. Faith had taken it in stride at first, but as the years passed she broke. She was a shadow of the woman she once was. One of the many victims from the activation of the Potentials. Buffy forcefully pushed the thought out of her head—a skill she was becoming very good at—and injected herself in the shoulder with the pain killer. Cordelia frowned.

“Aren’t you supposed to put that in your veins?”

“It lasts longer if it’s in the fatty tissue. My body absorbs it so quickly that it would only last a minute or two directly in the bloodstream.”

“Huh.”

With the analgesic beginning to numb the pain, Buffy resumed the debridement of her wound. She noticed the tissues beginning to reform already. In an hour, there probably wouldn’t be much tunneling. “So, I’m gonna ask for the last time,” the survivor said. “Why are you here?”

“The Powers want to give you another chance.”

“Chance at what?”

“A chance to change all of this. Everything. Preventing this future from occurring.”

Buffy stopped working immediately and turned to Cordelia. She stared into her eyes.

“You’re talking about time travel,” she said plainly.

“Duh.”

“Why?”

Buffy knew the Powers That Be didn’t do things just to be nice. They wouldn’t do this to make Buffy’s life better, not if there wasn’t an ulterior motive. Years of being their Champion taught her that pretty quickly.

“Oh, you know well enough why,” Cordelia said with an eye roll. And she did: the activation of the Potentials. It was what caused this entire hell. The wars between Slayer factions, the government coups, the massacres, her cursed immortality; all of it could be traced to that one action. At the time, it seemed like the only option. If only they knew the suffering that it would have caused.

“Preventing the activation of the Potentials.”

“No, you think?” replied Cordelia sarcastically. “Listen, Buffy. The Powers are really not happy with that stunt you guys pulled with the Potentials. Well, not happy is the understatement of the year. Anyway, they want you to go back and change it. You can change whatever else you want while you’re at it. They don’t care. But you can’t let them all be activated again.”

“It’s never that easy, Cordelia. I’m not an idiot. What’s the catch?”

Cordelia sighed and took a seat on the cot. She pushed back her long locks of hair.

“We can’t send you as a whole back. It would upset the balance to have 2 Buffys at once. And, although your body hasn’t aged since 2003, it has also changed. It would be pretty jarring to anyone seeing the difference. So, that leaves your mind and soul. We’re unable to mix both your current and past mind, so that leaves your soul.”

“Wait, why can’t you send my mind back?”

“Well we can’t just swap your younger mind with your current one. Do you remember what exactly you were doing 30 plus years ago? If you were out of milk or what homework is due?”

Buffy looked at her with a blank face.

“Exactly. But, at the same time, it’s too dangerous for you to have both minds at one time. It would cause too much mental and psychological damage to do that. Basically, it’s just not in your best interest, trust me. So, that leaves your soul. Since you’re the same person, it’s not much of a problem to change out your essence- your soul.”

“Cordy. How the fuck am I supposed change shit as a soul?”

“Well. We’ll just hope that your younger counterpart listens to her heart,” Cordelia said with a sly smile. Buffy groaned.

“The last piece of business is determining an anchor point. That is, a point in your past where we can swap out your soul.”

“Oh, oh! I know this one! It’s when I died, isn’t it? Do I get full marks?” Buffy asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

“You know, you don’t have to give me the attitude. This is something you want too, isn’t it? Another chance to see him.” At this Buffy turned away. Cordelia was right. Her heart leapt as soon as she heard the phrase “give you another chance”. As much as she may try to state otherwise Buffy would do anything to see him again. In front of her was the ability to do so and maybe.

Maybe this time he would believe her.

“So, Buffy? Which death do you want to start from?” the brunette asked. Right, that first death as brief as it was still counted, didn’t it? If she chose her second death he would already love her. Her sister would be there. And damn, she didn’t want to do high school again. But she was still ashamed of her actions even before that awful year. She wasn’t there for her friends. She refused the love he gave her. And, of course, her mom would still be dead.

Her mother. She took a sharp inhale. Oh, why did that affect her so strongly? She was beyond emotion by this point, wasn’t she?

For the first time in years, her heart answered before her mind could catch up.

“The first one.”

“Done. And Buffy? I’m sorry for being such a bitch back then.”

Buffy smiled and the world fell apart around her into a blinding white.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> subq dilaudid is powerful stuff i gotta tell you


	2. The Master

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the dialogue is from _Prophecy Girl_.
> 
> Special thanks to Rymes my amazing Beta and Keley my work bff <3

Her eyes opened with a jolt. She was in pain. Shit, her lungs were burning. A strong cough forced its way out along with some water. Her body was moving on its own accord, she noted with a fright. Why couldn’t she move her own body? Wait, wasn’t there something about being a soul now? And Cordelia. Right. The previous conversation was coming back to her. It was then that her eyes gazed up and she looked at the boy who brought her back from the dead. _‘Oh my god,’_ Buffy thought, _‘he’s so young.’_

“Xander?” her young self asked. Wow, even her voice was so different. She watched her best friend smile. So innocent, unburdened with the guilt of Anya’s death. She had forgotten it after all these years.

“Welcome back,” he said. He helped Buffy up onto her feet and pulled her in for a tight hug, quickly letting go. She took stock of the body that she now inhabited. Her wet dress clung onto her less defined body. Long hair dripped down the small of her back, a stark contrast to the short cut she had when meeting with Cordelia. As her younger self started to move she noticed how different even that felt now. Her movements were powerful, yes, but lacking elegance and finesse; something she learned later on from her many dances with him. The Powers had certainly made the right call in not sending her body back. Imagine how shocked Xander and Angel would be to see such a different Buffy. And how the hell do you even begin to explain that? ‘Oh hi, I’m still Buffy but I’m from 36 years in the future however I don’t look that old because I’m actually immortal but don’t think too much about that anyway time to kill The Master!’

Yeah, as if _that_ would go over well. Buffy didn’t plan on _never_ explaining that she was from the future. However, she didn’t think that it was something she wanted to do straight away. She wanted to get a better idea of her situation.

Like how much could she affect her younger self now that she had taken place of her soul.

Buffy felt almost like she was watching a play from the back row. She could see the world around her and feel the motions that she was doing but everything was muted, like she had lowered the volume of a movie. She heard every thought that passed through her young mind and felt the emotions associated with them. But she couldn’t directly affect the performance in front of her. She could only heckle from the back and hope that the actor in front of her noticed.

Right, the show in front of her. Maybe she should be paying attention.

Young Buffy was scared. Dying had shaken the poor girl to her core. Buffy remembered what an unsettling feeling it was to return from death. Her body felt simultaneously like it was ready to run a marathon and needed to sleep for 3 days. She had been so close to losing everything for good, never seeing any of her friends or family again, and simply disappearing from this earth. This younger Buffy, for all the bravado she showed to her watcher earlier, wasn’t actually ready to die. She still had too much to live for and death was terrifying. This Buffy wouldn’t have her death wish for another three years. _‘If you thought this death was bad just wait until Glory. Actually, no. Let’s try to avoid that one this time.’_

The teenager was putting on a brave face in front of Xander and Angel for facing The Master in hopes that they would buy it. She also was full of love and gratitude towards both of them for being there with her. Especially Angel, her ‘soul mate’. The older Buffy frowned. This time’s Buffy had just died in front of him. Why wasn’t he giving her more affection? Or at least a protective ‘I’m so glad you’re alive’ hug. Xander had given her a hug and tried to stop himself from crying. But Angel simply did what he always did: watched from the shadows and let fate dictate the universe. So different from his grandchilde, she mused. Her younger counterpart looked back at Angel with relief and thought about how great it was that her true love was here to support her. ‘ _True Love? Oh god I really did think that. GIRL ABORT MISSION HE’S NOT IT!’_

Young Buffy changed her thoughts from Angel at that moment to the fight ahead as they approached the main entrance of the school.

 _‘Oh. Did that work or was it just a coincidence?’_ Maybe she could do something with this. If anything perhaps she could make it just a little bit easier on herself.

 _‘Don’t be scared. You’ve got this. You know you do. Bat Face has nothing on the strength of a Slayer._ The _Slayer. You’re strong and you are going to kick his ass!’_

The young Slayer’s confidence began to build up. She turned to Xander and Angel once they reached the roof access of the school.

“Listen, I need you guys here to keep any other vamps away. This shouldn’t take long,” she said.

“Buffy, listen -,” Angel started. Buffy raised her finger to stop him.

“I’ve got this. I need revenge for ruining my perfectly done hair.” With that, she made her way up the stairwell leaving Xander and Angel behind her. At the top of the stairs she stopped at the door in front of her. She knew The Master was behind these doors. She took a deep breath and exhaled adrenaline. The teenager was ready. Her soul smiled. _‘That’s right, girl. Time to kick some ass.’_ Buffy kicked open the doors to see the old vampire looking down at the skylight giving himself a creepy weird clap. What was up with that, anyway? She didn’t notice that the first time. God damn did Bat Face really live up to that name. It was very amusing to see his shock at Buffy crashing his party. “You’re dead,” his ugly face said.

“I may be dead, but I’m still pretty. Which is more than I can say for you,” Buffy replied. Her soul beamed. She would never tell, but she was still really proud of that quip. She was startled when The Master began to use his Thrall on the teenager. Buffy found herself moving towards him against her will.

Wait. Against her _will_ ? Maybe that shit worked against a new Slayer, but Buffy’s soul was the oldest living Slayer in history. For the first time since her insertion into this body, her soul truly _felt_ the sensation. She was warming up. The soul’s sense of self began to bubble over, expanding throughout the entirety of Buffy’s body. Her soul essence sparked, releasing young Buffy from The Master’s grasp. Buffy’s soul guided her body easily into a fighting stance. The Master looked at her in confusion.

“What, what are you?”

“I’m the Slayer. And you, Bat Face? You’re history.” She punctuated her sentence with a roundhouse kick into The Master’s face, throwing his balance behind him. She quickly followed it up with two quick jabs in the stomach, knocking him to the ground. She was glad that she was able to get him down but was extremely aware of how differently this body responded to her commands. It was clear that the muscle memory she relied on for decades had not yet been acquired. Her eyes flicked over to the skylight, taking quick notice of the broken chaos in the library below.

“This strength, where did it come from?” He asked as he began to pick himself up. Buffy swiftly kicked his shoulder blade sending him back down onto his face. Her calf muscle screamed at being stretched more than the body could handle.

“Oh honey, you don’t even know the beginning,” she mused. She let the old man stumble back onto his legs, giving him the illusion that he had a chance. Once he stood up she punched him in the jaw, throwing him backwards. The crack of bone against her fist vibrated up her arm. Her leg swung out to kick the vampire and only hit air. Fuck, her spatial awareness was still impaired in this body. The Master used this as a chance to attack. Buffy could have rolled her eyes: how much more could you telegraph an attack? She easily dodged him and used the momentum to flip him onto his back. He moaned in pain. Her playful smirk was interrupted by screams from below her.

Oh right. The Hellmouth. She forgot about her friends in the library below fighting it off. Playtime was over for now. The Slayer lifted up the vampire and smashed him through the skylight to the library below. She didn’t even need to look to know that The Master had reached his end – she heard the telltale sign of vampiric death as his being ripped itself apart. Buffy looked down at the library below at The Master’s bones impaled on a piece of broken wood. She had won. It was over. Relief washed over her and the control that her soul held disappeared. The essence that had just moments before filled her bones retreated back into the soul, exhausting it. The younger Buffy once again was in charge of her body leaving the soul to contemplate what had just happened. The girl, shell shocked, returned to where she had left Xander and Angel. The two of them turned immediately when she opened the door.

“Buffy!”

“You did it,” Angel said softly. 

The soul was dazed while the three of them made their way towards the library. Holy shit. How was she able to control her younger self? Was it because of the Thrall? She had a lot to think about.

* * *

“Buffy. Buffy?”

The girl turned towards her watcher. She hadn’t realized that he was talking to her. She still felt almost catatonic, unable to process what had just happened.

“Sorry, it’s just uh. It’s been a really weird day,” she said.

“Yeah, Buffy died and everything,” Xander said. The rest of the group continued to talk about what had happened and asked about what to do next. Their voices might as well have been miles away to Buffy, however. Her mind was spinning. Wait a second, was someone talking to her?

“Buffy? I said what should we do about him,” Miss Calendar asked. Buffy looked back towards the bones in front of her. Oh, right.

“He’s not going anywhere. Come on, let’s uh. Let’s get out of here.” The rest of the group agreed with Buffy and followed her out of the library doors. Xander was talking about going to the Bronze for Spring Fling but Buffy could barely find the desire within herself to go. Even the promise of Angel joining didn’t help. Her thoughts and feelings were a tornado. She quickly tugged at Angel’s jacket. The vampire stopped and turned to the young girl. His dark eyes pierced her.

“Buffy, what is it?”

“I um. I don’t want... I need to go home. Clear my head I guess,” she said softly, turning her gaze downwards. Angel pulled her in close, wrapping her in his scent.

“I’ll walk you home. Come on.” The two of them walked in silence towards Revello drive. What was it that happened while she was fighting The Master? She had been... possessed? Maybe? But that didn’t seem quite right either. Her body was acting of its own accord, but she wouldn’t say that it was against her will. What she had done definitely wasn’t unwelcome that’s for sure. She had used combinations that she had never practiced and kicked _ass_. And what she was saying... She knew for certain that it was some other force that spoke but it also felt very much like herself. It gave her major wiggage. Before she realized it she and Angel had made it to her front door.

“Angel, thank you so much. It’s just. I’m feeling really weirded out about everything.”

“It’s okay. You’ve been through a lot today.” He cupped her face and she felt herself melt into it.

“I’m just glad that everything with Bat Face is done and over with. I really, really need a shower though. Again, thank you.” Buffy gave Angel a kiss and slipped through the front door, leaved a stunned vampire behind.

“Bat Face? I swear that’s what Spike called him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tfw u kill someone but then they come back to life and kick ur ass like this if u cry every time


	3. Bones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some dialogue taken from the episode _When She Was Bad_

The older Slayer felt like screaming until the cows came home. The soul had spent the entire summer trying to get through to her young self like she had during her fight with The Master. But it didn’t matter how much of her will and energy she tried to expel: the body did not respond. She was powerless as she watched her body go through the motions. Apparently the motions included lots and lots of shopping malls. Damn, she had really forgotten how much she had relied on retail therapy when she was younger. Or at least had tried to rely on it. But – shocker! – it hadn’t worked. She hadn’t forgotten how difficult this summer had been for her at 16-years-old. Buffy remembered that it had taken a long time for the teen to not only realize that she was traumatized from her death but that it was something she had to work through instead of ignore. She didn’t forget how her refusal to, as Cordelia has said, ‘get over herself’, had almost ended with her friends killed. The soul hoped that she would be able to make it better this time, maybe even prevent it altogether if she was lucky.

“So uh, Buffy. You’re going back to your mother tomorrow,” her father said. Buffy turned to look at the man driving. He had insisted on taking her out for dinner for her last night with him. He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel waiting for the light to change. His tanned hands gave away how often he would leave work early to flirt with young girls on the beach. His skin was sun damaged, best seen around his eyes. He was a living advertisement on why even if you’re an ‘invincible’ teen you should still wear sunscreen.

“Yup,” the teen replied to her dad. One-word answers girl over here. If Buffy’s soul had eyes she would have rolled them. She didn’t like her dad- that was no secret. But here he was putting in some modicum of effort and her younger self was throwing it away. It didn’t excuse her father for losing contact with her later on but she certainly wasn’t making it seem appealing.

_‘Oh come on, don’t be such a bitch!’_

Young Buffy sighed. “It’ll uh… be nice to have some good sushi before I leave.” Her dad practically lit up.

“Sunnydale doesn’t have the best sushi selection?”

“Not even close to here. There’s like one place and it’s, like, way overpriced.”

“Then I guess we better make sure you get your fill while you still can.”

“So I can have whatever I want on the menu?”

“I mean sure, honey.”

“Does that include sake?”

“Jesus, Buffy… maybe next time,” her dad said with a laugh. Buffy giggled with him, her heart a little lighter.

_‘There, was that so hard? Feels better to open yourself up a bit, doesn’t it?’_

Buffy felt a small, warm glow of happiness emanate within her younger self’s mind. Yeah, she was definitely handling things better this time around.

* * *

This time when Buffy returned to Sunndydale she was actually excited to see her friends. She had genuinely missed Xander and Willow while in LA. Buffy no longer had anything in common with her old friends from before being called. She was tired of feeling lonely and hoped that seeing her friends would fix it. The soul knew better, though. Just seeing Xander and talking about boys with Willow wouldn’t magically cure her inner turmoil. Things weren’t that simple.

Well. At least it was simpler than dealing with her friends ripping her out of heaven. But she couldn’t think about that and not also remember that it was how she ended up in his bed, under those silk sheets… No. Not thinking about that right now.

The teenager was still enveloped by a feeling of dread upon her return, however. She couldn’t just remove the trauma from her death. It was always on her mind; stalking her every thought. The soul could feel it looming over her. It was something that she couldn’t fix by just pushing thoughts of love and trying to stop herself from turning away from her friends. No, this was something that Buffy had to work through. Builds character, as Cordelia would say. She just hoped that Buffy would listen to her and not do it alone.

Which is why when Buffy saw Giles on the first day of school her soul leaped for joy. She followed her friends down the stairs to where Giles and Miss Calendar stood and exchanged greetings.

“Buffy, how are you?” Giles asked.

“Alive and kicking,” Buffy replied.

“Buffy killed a vampire last night!” Willow exclaimed. The group turned to her.

“Uh… sorry,” she said sheepishly. Miss Calendar turned to Giles with concern.

“I thought the Hellmouth was closed,” she said. The soul sighed. Oh, if only it was that easy. Imagine if killing The Master was the end of it. The bell went off. Giles called out to his Slayer as the group dispersed.

“I realize you’ve only just returned but when you’re ready we should start your training again,” Giles suggested.

“I’m ready,” Buffy said. The younger girl was desperate to expel her nervous energy by doing something physical. It was something that Buffy continued to do for decades.

 _‘I guess some things really never change,’_ the soul pondered.

That afternoon during training with Giles she had pushed her limits, breaking some of Giles’ equipment. Whoops. 

“Whatever it is that’s coming for us Giles, I’m ready. I’ve got this,” Buffy said while panting. Her watcher frowned.

“Buffy. Are you sure that you’re alright?” He asked, sitting down. He gestured for Buffy to do the same. Young Buffy was ready to deny, deny, deny and go home. She made no move to sit.

_‘No you will sit down and you will tell your watcher what’s going on!’_

“Yeah, totally alright. 100% alright-girl here,” she said, ignoring the ache from her soul.

“If you say so,” Giles said, clearly not convinced. Buffy started walking to the exit when her soul started to pull at her.

_‘Buffy this is not the way to go about this. You know that. Trust him. Turn around and sit you ass down.’_

The teenager turned around. Her lip quivered and her chest tightened making speaking difficult. She felt like she had a lump in her throat.

“Actually, um, I don’t think I am.” Her vision started to become clouded by tears.

“Oh, Buffy.”

“I’m not okay,” she cried. Her shoulders shuddered and she screwed her eyes closed. Giles wrapped her in his arms. She burst into tears and began to wail. The poor teen had been holding the tension in for months. Her watcher petted her hair.

“That’s it. It’s okay. Let it all out.”

Buffy wasn’t sure how long they stood there together. It was cathartic for her soul as well. She didn’t know if her young self’s feelings were influencing hers, but it felt so good for her either way. When she and Giles eventually parted she took a deep breath. There was no doubt that her makeup was ruined and she looked like a hot mess. She felt like a hot mess. Her body sat down at the table in the middle across from Giles.

“Now pray tell, what is it that has upset you so much?” he asked. Buffy took a deep breath to steady herself.

“I’ve been having these weird dreams lately.”

“Dreams, you say? Perhaps they are Slayer dreams?” Giles offered. The teen paused to think.

“Maybe.”

“And uh, these dreams. What are they of?”

“The Master. In each one he comes back somehow and kills me,” she said with a shudder.

“Resurrection, you say? Fascinating. It appears that the dream is foretelling of something that has never occurred. There’s never been a recorded successful attempt of a vampiric resurrection.”

“Not of a successful attempt?! So you’ve heard of them?” Buffy asked, anger beginning to rise.

“Well yes, but as it has never been done,” Giles began. Buffy interrupted him.

“And this is something that the Slayer should know about, don’t you agree? Or were you just going to keep this from me like you did with the prophecy of my death?!”

“Now Buffy I don’t believe that’s quite fair-”

“You know what Giles? I need to go.” Buffy stood up and stormed out of the library leaving her watcher behind.

* * *

Buffy went to bed still mad at Giles. Well, maybe not mad but she certainly wasn’t happy with him. She was frustrated but couldn’t quite put into words what she wanted. It was an itch that she couldn’t quite scratch. She had found comfort earlier in Giles’ arm. Despite finding out later that he hadn’t told her about the possibility of resurrection Buffy felt better after crying in front of him. She hadn’t planned on telling Giles anything. Really, if she thought about it, she had planned on continuing to be strong and handling it herself. But when she started to leave the library she had felt something so overwhelming within her scream at her to actually talk to her watcher.

Sleep seemed to elude the teenager. She tossed and turned but she never did slip into unconsciousness. She felt restless and needed to _do_ something. Buffy wasn’t a patient person. She was a _do-er_. With a deep sigh she got out of bed. If she wasn’t going to sleep she may as well go patrolling. Maybe that would make her feel better. She felt a pang from inside that said don’t go alone, to at least tell someone that she was going on patrol. She pushed that feeling aside. She’d be fine. She was the Slayer. She killed The Master, after all.

 _‘Yeah, after he killed me’_ , she thought. Buffy shuddered at the thought. No. She was going to be alright. Buffy determinedly ignored her previous conversation with Giles and began to get dressed for slaying. She picked out a red zip up and black flexible shorts. Huh. As she looked at all the clothes from LA in her drawers she noticed that most of it was suitable for slaying. She hadn’t realized that while shopping.

Buffy, now dressed and with a few stakes, opened her window and crawled straight into Angel.

“Jesus!”

“Buffy. You’re going somewhere?” he asked. She looked up at the vampire. His presence commanded her attention. She noticed his cologne. Oh how she missed that scent. Her heart melted under his dark eyes. No, she was focus-girl. She started to maneuver herself out of her window onto the tree outside.

“Patrol. You know, slayer duties. Being the Slayer and all.”

“Right.”

A silence grew between them. Buffy’s heart echoed in her ears.

“So uh… why are you here? Social call?”

Angel averted his eyes. Buffy sighed and jumped down the tree. “That’s what I thought. So! What’s the 4-1-1? The big emergency,” she asked. Angel followed her down. For some reason she had the sudden feeling that he wasn’t as acrobatic as someone else. But she couldn’t place who. Why was she making that comparison?

“The Anointed One. He’s been gathering forces somewhere around town, I’m not quite sure why.”

Buffy shrugged and began to walk towards one of the many cemeteries in Sunnydale.

“Well, I’ll find out what they’re up to and deal with it,” she said. Angel followed her footsteps silently.

“Don’t underestimate him just because he looks like a child. He has power. Power over the rest of them,” Angel said.

“Like I said. I’ll deal. Now are you gonna join me on patrol or what?”

Angel said nothing. After a few beats Buffy turned around to see him still there. That was a first. She turned her focus back to the cemetery up ahead ignoring her conflicting emotions following her. After a few minutes she found herself in Shady Hill cemetery. She sensed that something wasn’t quite right. Apparently Angel felt it as well.

“There are vampires here. More than one,” he said.

“Alright then, let’s get with the dusty,” Buffy said. She felt Angel grab her arm.

“Wait. They’re saying something. We should stay quiet to find out what they’re up to.”

“And let them get away?!” Buffy’s voice started to rise. Angel placed a finger on her lips.

“Shhh. Come on.” He pulled her low to a crouching position and closer towards the vampires. Buffy’s mind swooned at the gesture while something inside of her wanted to pull away. She buried away the conflicting signals in time to pay attention to what was being said.

“That’s the last of them,” a female voice said.

“Now we have all of the bones. Let us leave,” the voice of a child said.

“My hands, they burn,” a male complained.

“That concerns us not. This is to bring us back our Master and leader for the Old Ones,” a different male said.

“For the Old Ones,” the others replied. Buffy looked around and noticed the tree that Willow had pointed out before. This was where The Master had been buried. A cold jolt of electricity paralyzed her. It was what she had been dreaming about. She was certain that her heart stopped. Angel grabbed her hand and squeezed, taking her back to reality.

“I’ll follow them and find out where they’re hiding. Can you make it home yourself?” he asked. Buffy just nodded and watched Angel disappear into the shadows.

* * *

Buffy watched her young self storm into the library before school. Giles looked up from the book he was reading to see his Slayer.

“Buffy, you’re here early,” Giles began.

“No time for small talk. They’re trying to bring him back,” she said.

“Who? They? W-What’s going on, Buffy?” he stammered, placing his book on the table. The teenager slammed her hands on the table.

“The order of auroras or whatever. Last night Angel and I were on patrol and we saw them digging up Master bones.” The soul saw how hard her young self was trying to hold back tears.

_‘It’s okay, Buffy. You can trust him. You don’t have to put on a brave face.’_

“Wait a moment, Buffy. You’re saying that they have taken The Master’s bones? And do we know where they’ve taken them to?” he asked.

Buffy sat down at the table with an exhale. “No. Well. Maybe, I’m not sure. Angel said he was going to follow them but I don’t know if he was able to.”

“We’ll find that out later today when Angel’s able to come by. In the meantime I’ll uh, begin my research,” Giles said. Buffy’s young body nodded. The school bell rang.

“I’ll come by after school, hopefully you’ll have found something,” Buffy called out. Giles nodded, watching her leave for classes.

Buffy’s soul watched her young self try to pay attention through the day to no luck. She couldn’t blame herself. She was never much of an academic. Less research-girl and more action-girl. Once the last bell of the day rang she couldn’t get out of class fast enough. Poor girl was desperately hoping that Giles would have answers for her.

“Xander, Willow, come on!” she called out.

Thank god she was involving her friends this time, even if she didn’t wait up for them. It was about small victories, the soul told herself. If she got enough of them maybe she’d end up making a big enough change. Prevent the activation of the Potentials, Glory spilling Dawn’s blood, his death… No. Not going down that road right now. Best to just focus on the present. And the present included her watcher sitting in front of a bunch of open books.

“Ah, Buffy. Good timing on your part. See, I think I found it here,” he said, pointing to a book.

“Well? What does it say?” she asked.

“Well, you see, it’s a Latin translation so it’s a little unclear. But ah, it looks like they’ll need the bones of The Master, which they have, and uh, this part is the difficult part. The person who was closest to him.”

“Closest to who?” Xander asked. Buffy turned to see her friends enter the library.

“Yeah, what’s going on, Buffy? You’ve been out of it all day,” Willow said. Buffy pushed her hair back.

“They’re trying to bring him back,” she said.

“Who?” Willow asked.

“The Master. Buffy uh, came across his cult digging up his bones,” Giles explained.

“That’s a no go. I thought we buried him with holy water. And now you’re saying he’s coming back like Backstreet?” Xander asked. The group looked at him and then ignored him. The soul couldn’t help but laugh. Damn, when was the last time she thought about boy bands? Those guys had good music. Maybe she could convince herself to listen to them once they got home.

“Ignoring that. Uh, yes the evidence points to an attempt to revive The Master. So far they have his bones.”

“And they also need the person who was closest to him. Which was me,” Buffy said. Giles frowned.

“How do you know that for sure?” her watcher asked.

“I mean, he killed me, I killed him. How much closer can you get?” she asked.

“I’m still uncertain about the translation,” Giles mused.

“Uncertain? What’s wrong with it?” Willow asked.

“It’s just written very strangely. Despite it, the question of where they have taken the bones remains.”

“I know where they are,” Angel said. The group turned upwards to see Angel emerge from the shadows of the stacks. God was that annoying. Was he there the whole time, just waiting for the perfect time to reveal himself? Because this Buffy’s sense for the supernatural was still so underdeveloped that the soul was unable to know for sure.

Her young body pushed herself off the table towards the weapons chest. “Alright, we have a place, let’s go,” she said. Her friends looked at her with furrowed brows.

“Uh, Buffster? That’s not really a plan, and even I realize that,” Xander said.

_‘Yeah, listen to him. I know you want to prove that you’re fine and can fix it. But for fucks sake sit down and create a game plan. Do not. Go off. On your own.’_

Buffy rolled her eyes theatrically. The soul wished she could roll her eyes right back at her. Thankfully Giles spoke up, “I can’t quite believe I’m saying this Buffy, but Xander is right. It would be best to strategize before you, ah, as they say, go into the belly of the beast.”

“It’ll be fine. I can handle it,” Buffy insisted.

“Buffy…”

“I’ll be _fine_!”

“No, Giles is right,” Angel said. Buffy felt a pang of betrayal and let it show on her face. _‘Oh get over it.’_ Before Buffy could respond Angel raised his hand.

“Listen, I’ll go scope out the place and see what’s going on. By the time I get back I’m sure you’ll be able to come up with an actual plan and we’ll go. Okay?”

“Angel, I’m not a child.”

“Then stop acting like one!” Giles snapped. The group turned to look at him. _‘Ah, is that a sneak peek of Ripper I see?’_ the soul thought with amusement.

“I can see that you want to prove that you are fully capable which I know that you are. But you are smarter than this, Buffy. You know that going in without any preparation is simply foolish,” Giles scolded. Buffy lowered her head in shame. Willow and Xander averted their eyes, looking very uncomfortable. The soul heard Buffy’s rapid thoughts, both wanting to apologize and wanting to walk out.

_‘Do the right thing.’_

Buffy sat down and started to help with the research. The soul wanted to let out an exasperated sigh. God _damn_ were teenagers annoying. She remembered Dawn being difficult but she never realized that she was also a nightmare. By the time Angel returned Giles had finished translating from the original Sumerian. It wasn’t the one who was metaphorically closest to The Master. It was the persons who were physically the closest to The Master: Giles, Willow, Miss Calendar and Cordelia. Giles then promptly called Miss Calendar who, to his dismay, did not answer. Cordelia answered her phone call but seemed to brush off the Scoobies’ warning. Once Angel returned a plan had been devised: Buffy and Giles would go to the factory to destroy the bones and, if there, rescue Miss Calendar. Meanwhile Angel would stay with Willow and Xander to protect them, much to both Angel and Xander’s dismay.

* * *

Buffy tensed as they entered the factory. She quickly looked around. In front of her was a table with The Master’s bones lying on it. In the far corner was Miss Calendar slumped on the ground. Chains from the second floor attached to her wrists. On the grated second floor walkway was one vamp, preoccupied with the chains. On the main floor three vamps stood around the table arranging the bones. Buffy’s fear was drowned out by adrenaline. The Slayer turned to Giles.

“Do you think you’ll be able to sneak up and get the vamp up there? I’ll stay here and take out the three stooges once you’re done,” she whispered. Giles nodded. Buffy held her breath as she watched Giles sneak up the stairs. He was certainly quiet. They both knew that any sound from either of them would tip off the vamps, putting him in danger. The teen bit her lip. ‘ _Come on, Giles!’_

Buffy drew in a sharp breath as Giles raised his stake. He plunged it into the vampire, dusting it. That was Buffy’s cue. She jumped out of her hiding space as the vamps looked up from their work.

“Miss me?”

The vampires growled. Buffy leapt into action, punching the closest one in the face and knocking it off balance. Continuing the flow she stepped forward, jabbed the next one in the stomach with her left fist and then her elbow. Hearing footsteps she quickly turned around and roundhouse kicked the third vamp, throwing him to the ground. Buffy lunged after him, piercing his heart with her stake. The Slayer then did a low sweep, tripping the first vampire.

“Buffy, behind you!”

She turned just in time to be met with a first to the face. Buffy fell hard to the ground, hitting the back of her head. Shit, that hurt. The vampire used Buffy’s dazed state to his advantage and kicked her in the stomach. Buffy grabbed his arm and pulled him down on top of her stake. He dusted on top of her, making her cough. The first vampire leapt on top of her. Buffy quickly rolled out of the way just in time. She jumped up back onto her feet and got into a fighting stance. The vampire threw a punch that Buffy dodged, giving her the opening to dust him. She took several deep breaths recovering from the fight. Her watcher stood beside her and placed his hand on her shoulder.

“Are you ready to finish this?” he asked, gesturing to The Master’s bones. Buffy nodded and picked up a sledgehammer from the floor. This was it. She raised it over her head.

_Smash!_

He wouldn’t have power over her.

_Smash!_

She refused to let her fear consume her heart.

_Smash!_

She was stronger than this.

_Smash!_

She was going to continue to live.

_Smash!_

She was in charge of her own destiny.

The Slayer, after having thoroughly destroyed the bones, turned to her watcher and let out all her emotions. The dread that had shackled her all summer broke, freeing the teenager to move forward. She had no idea of the car with blacked out windows that would soon be rolling into town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I legit looked up when "Everybody" by BSB came out to make sure that I could make that joke. It came out in June of 1997, in case you were wondering


	4. Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the dialogue is from _School Hard_ , written by David Greenwalt and Joss Whedon

The older Buffy was practically buzzing. Buffy had just finished up the banners for parent-teacher night as instructed by Principal Snyder (with no help from Sheila). The young girl was nervous about doing a good job and keeping her mom from talking to Snyder. She was also looking forward to possibly seeing the great brooding one at the Bronze that night and was actively trying to not think about the Night of Saint Vigeous on Saturday. Meanwhile, the soul was vibrating with excitement. Spike and Drusilla were already in Sunnydale dealing with the Annoying One. God, she was so excited. She knew that he was evil and all that and if he had the chance he would kill her at this point in time. But it was Spike. Her vampire.

She was concerned though. She wasn’t quite sure how she’d be able to keep him safe. The soul believed that Spike would, eventually, fall in love with her again. The challenge would be getting her young self to believe that the vampire loved her. She had been so well indoctrinated by both Giles and Angel that she honestly didn’t believe that vampires were able to feel love, real love, without a soul. Giles she understood. The Council of Watchers for sure had a vested interest in ensuring that Slayers killed vampires without prejudice. Buffy wasn’t sure if they had ever even bothered investigating if vampires could feel. Giles eventually would begin to learn to trust his own experiences and assessments over the indoctrination from the Council. It just took him a couple of years after leaving them.

Angel, however. It infuriated Buffy that Angel told her that you couldn’t truly love without a soul. Angel, the vampire who had traveled with Spike and Drusilla for twenty years, saw Spike’s utter and complete devotion towards his sire. If anything was proof that a soulless being could love it was Spike’s very existence. It was just more work in an effort to ‘prove’ that he was special and their love was written in the stars or some crap. The soul laughed. _‘I wonder what Dru would think of that’._

Oh great. Speaking of Angel, her young body was picking out an outfit to wear to the Bronze to grab his attention. Well, this was going to be Spike’s first time seeing Buffy. Maybe the soul would be able to push the Slayer into wearing something red. She was currently debating which shirt to wear with her dark pants.

_‘The red halter top. Choose the red one!’_

The teenager chose the red one. Buffy, now dressed, sneaked out of her window like she had so many times before. No, she wasn’t going patrolling, but this Buffy knew that her mom wouldn’t be too impressed with her ‘Bronzing it’ so close to parent-teacher night. Holy shit. It was so close. Things were so close to really starting. When Buffy had gone back she came up with a list of things to change this time around:

  1. Stop the activation of the Potentials
  2. Accept Spike’s love before the soul
  3. Have Spike believe her when she says that she loves him
  4. Not die again
  5. Be a better friend to Willow and Xander
  6. Be better for mom



The soul didn’t have to worry about point one for a few years. But points two and three, her relationship with Spike, started that night. The soul’s anxiety was felt very acutely by the teen. This Buffy, however, chalked it up to wanting to see Angel that night. She entered the Bronze and easily found Willow’s table. Buffy sat beside her friend and began to take out her French studying material.

“Okay, so let’s go over a bit of vocab first. Look at some of the words and try to create a sentence,” Willow suggested. Buffy nodded and tapped her pen on the list in front of her: _oublier, devoir, toucher, rater, travailler_.

 _‘I don’t remember any of this.’_ Buffy was never very good at languages. 30 years of traveling the world and she hadn’t picked up anything other than a slightly more elegant grasp of the English language.

“Lavache… doit me touche de la jeudi. Was that wrong? Should I use the pleural?”

“No! But you said the cow should touch me from Thursday.”

“Well maybe that’s what I was feeling.”

“Then you said it wrong. It’s Angel missage, isn’t it?”

“Well I mean he didn’t say it was for sure. It was a ‘maybe see you there’ kinda deal. I dunno,” Buffy lamented. The soul wanted to slap her. If she was waiting for Angel why was she not tuning into her Slayer senses? That way she could try to feel for Angel and the soul would have a better idea of where Spike was. She wanted so badly to be able to force this body to look around for a flash of platinum blond. To the soul’s dismay Buffy instead dragged Willow to join her and Xander on the dance floor and tuned out. Her younger self’s ears suddenly perked up when she heard a British voice say that a guy is trying to bite someone.

Holy shit that was his voice. She could have wept. It had been so long. She had committed his voice to memory but it paled in comparison to the real thing. She had long ago made peace that she would never hear his voice again but there it was in full surround sound. Her young self raced out the back door of the Bronze to the rescue.

And as soon as the young Slayer dusted the vamp in the alley she would, for the first time, hear him speak to her directly.

“Nice work, love.”

And there he was. Time fell away suspending the hardened Slayer in that single moment. His hair was dyed recently, slicked back just perfect, begging for her hands to brush through it and loosen his curls. The dark leather duster hung off of his shoulders, hiding most of the red button up underneath. And his _face_. That beautiful face full of confidence. He couldn’t help but smirk while talking to Buffy. How many nights did she dream about that stupid smirk and kissing it right off of him? How many times did she wake up in tears knowing that he had long been dust? The soul screamed with want. Despite her strongest efforts the young body stood still instead of leaping on top of him and destroying him with her mouth right then and there.

“Who are you?” Buffy asked.

_‘The best dance partner you will ever have.’_

“You’ll find out on Saturday,” he said. _‘You mean Thursday.’_

“What happens on Saturday?”

“I kill you.”

The master vampire then disappeared back into the dark.

* * *

Buffy sat on the table in the library with Willow, Xander, Giles, and Miss Calendar. As soon as that other vampire guy left they called her watcher and went straight to the school. She couldn’t ignore what had just happened at the Bronze. Something big was going to happen and it wasn’t bogo at Macy’s. It was time to create a game plan. They had a date (Saturday), a name (Spike? What kind of name is that, anyway?), and some sort of Hellmouth special (this Saint Vigeous thing). Of course it had to do with what Giles and Miss Calendar had brought up with her earlier that week. Of course it had to be the week of flipping parent-teacher night. Couldn’t Buffy just get a break? She wanted to kick this vamp’s ass and be done with it, though she got the feeling that it wouldn’t be quite that simple. Xander jokingly suggested that the group run. Willow less jokingly suggested that they hide. Her friend got major badness vibes from that Spike guy and Buffy honestly couldn’t blame her. He felt different that the other vamps she’d faced; closer to how The Master felt. Or Angel, if she was honest with herself. She didn’t like it. Or how he made her feel. 

“Well, he can’t be any worse than any other creature you’ve faced,” Giles suggested.

“He’s worse.”

The group turned around to see Angel standing in the library. How on earth did that guy _do_ that, anyway? And why wasn’t he at the Bronze?

“Once he starts something he doesn’t stop until everything in his path is dead.”

“So he’s thorough, goal oriented,” Xander mused. Buffy shifted in her seat. Her emotions seemed to be going haywire that night. She felt nervous and full of adrenaline.

“You weren’t at the Bronze,” she muttered.

“Wasn’t sure if you were going to show.”

“I was trying to play it cool,” Buffy said. She continued to fidget. Her heart raced seeing Angel but it didn’t feel like the normal butterflies in her stomach. No, what she was feeling right now was different. It vibrated throughout her rib cage. She was hearing the blood pumping in her ears. Her chest had been doing back flips since she saw that Spike vampire. What did that even mean? Was it his fault? She didn’t want to think about the implication of that. 

“Anyway, this Spike guy? What’s the plan?” she asked.

“Well, we should probably learn more about the fellow. Angel, do you know if he goes by any other names? Angel?” Giles asked. The vampire had disappeared.

“That’s it. I’m putting a bell on that guy,” Xander said. Buffy wouldn’t admit it but she agreed with him.

“It’s getting late. We should probably go home,” Willow suggested with a yawn. Buffy nodded.

“Yeah. Plus parent-teacher night is tomorrow. I have to make it perfect so Snyder doesn’t expel me.”

“Buffy, this is a little more pressing than parent-teacher night,” Miss Calendar said.

“We will have all of Friday and Saturday day to research and prepare. But I won’t be able to keep focus if I’m worrying about impressing Principal Snyder, okay?”

Her watcher relented and drove the students home.

* * *

Young Buffy’s heart sank. Her mom was looking at her with such strong disappointment. She hadn’t felt this small in her mother’s eyes since LA. It even hurt her soul to see it. Even though it wasn’t her fault, and really it was Snyder’s vendetta against her, she hated to see Joyce so upset with her. It only furthered her resolve to be better to her mom in this timeline.

“In the car. Now,” her mom ordered.

The teenager began to follow her mom out of the school. Something tugged at the soul. This timing. Wasn’t this…?

The window shattered. A group of vampires burst into the school led by Spike. Ah yes, right on cue. Her young body, thinking quickly, threw a chair at Spike and used the distraction to usher the humans to safety. Her young emotions were screaming. She was terrified for her mom’s safety. Joyce had no idea what was going on. Her mom didn’t know that they were vampires, how to keep herself safe, what Buffy even _was_ . _‘Maybe I’ll try to get her to tell mom about the slaying gig earlier,’_ the soul thought. Her dad wasn’t around to throw her into a mental institution. It couldn’t go worse than being kicked out at the end of the year. Probably.

Like before, this time’s Buffy told Principal Snyder off, laid down the law of ‘don’t even think about leaving the science room’, and made her way through the vents to the library. After ensuring her watcher’s safety, Buffy made her way back to the hallways to face the vampires. She took out the one in front of the science room with ease. It helped when they didn’t see her coming. The young Slayer, having secured an exit route for her mom and the other parents, prepared herself to face Spike. She took a couple of deep breaths.

_‘Don’t be scared. He can’t kill you if you don’t have a death wish. Please, let’s try to enjoy our first dance.’_

The soul watched Buffy pick up the fire axe and make her way over to the school entrance. A small wave of confidence washed over the girl. Good. As long as she shelved her fear she knew that this would be the most enjoyable fight yet for this Buffy.

“Fee, fie, foe, thumb. I smell the blood of a nice, ripe, girl,” Spike said. Even in game face he was still attractive. No amount of demon could hide those cheekbones.

“Do we really need weapons for this?” Buffy asked.

“I just like them. They make me feel all manly,” Spike teased, sliding his hand down his (perfectly sculpted) torso and towards his groin. Oh fuck did that do things to her. Her very, very horny feelings certainly weren’t helping Buffy but the soul didn’t care. She couldn’t fight anyway so she may as well enjoy the show. And what a showman he was.

True to his word, Spike tossed his steel rod aside. If anything he was someone who liked a fair fight. He began to walk towards her and taunted her, telling her that the last Slayer he killed begged for her life. Buffy tensed at that. Nikki Wood, the soul remembered. He didn’t tell the teenager that Nikki had been ready to die at that point, that while she begged for her life she also was begging for her death.

“You shouldn’t have come here tonight,” Buffy said.

“No, I guess not. I messed up your doilies and what not. Very nicely done, though. Did you pick out the colours yourself?” he asked.

“We’re not here to talk about my decorations.”

“No, I guess we’re not. I couldn’t wait until Saturday, you see. Just got too bored.”

“You’re going to wish you had,” Buffy goaded. Spike laughed. The soul wished she could bottle that sound.

“I’ll tell you what. I like your style. As a professional courtesy from me to you I’ll make it quick. It won’t hurt a bit,” he promised. He didn’t mean that, though. There was no way that Buffy of this time knew, but Spike could tell what kind of fight to expect. He was too perceptive. The master vampire was trying to push Buffy’s buttons to get the best fight out of her.

“No, Spike. It’s going to hurt a lot,” Buffy said. She dodged Spike’s punch and went for one herself, missing. Their jabs and feints moved to a rhythm and they fell easily into a routine that hadn’t been choreographed yet. The soul supplied Buffy with the beat. _One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four._

Buffy miss-stepped and fell out of rhythm. Fear flashed through her body. Spike used the chance to punch her to the ground. The Slayer hit the tile hard and felt the wind knocked out of her. _‘Don’t stop! Get back into it. MOVE!’_ She barely rolled out of the way in time to avoid Spike’s downward kick. The soul restarted the track, helping Buffy back onto her feet. Her movements slipped back into the fight. This Buffy wouldn’t admit it, at least not yet, but the soul knew: she was enjoying this. Spike shifted to his right and telegraphed an attack with his right elbow. Shit, she knew this move well but the current Buffy didn’t. He was going to grab Buffy’s arm with his left hand to pull her off balance. _‘Don’t fall for it!’_

Buffy fell for it.

Spike pulled the startled girl flush to his chest. Buffy inhaled sharply and stared at Spike. He licked his fangs seductively and pinned her to the ground. Buffy knew that she wasn’t in a good position but couldn’t help but be aroused. The young Buffy’s mind raced for an escape route. The older Buffy let herself enjoy the moment. And Joyce hit Spike on the head with the fire axe, throwing him off of the girl.

“You get the HELL away from my daughter!”

Spike stared at Joyce and then back to Buffy. He cursed and fled the scene, leaving the Summers’ ladies. Buffy wrapped her arms around her mom.

_‘See you next time, William.’_

* * *

“It was just so strange,” Buffy said. The teen sat on Willow’s queen sized bed with a towel on her lap. Nail polish bottles littered the red head’s duvet. The Slayer finished applying a base coat of pink nail polish on her left hand. Perfect. Now she just had to make her right hand nails look at least passable. Easier said than done. Willow was still picking out a colour.

“Which part?”

“All of it! I mean like… you know the first time we saw him, in the alley?”

“And he was all with the creepage watching you?” Willow asked. She picked up an orange and yellow bottle of nail polish.

“Good choices. And yeah. Like he was scary and gave off vibes of major bad here. But also like. I think I’m…” Buffy trailed off and dipped her head into her chest.

“You’re...?”

“IthinkImattractedtohim.”

“Uh, could you do that one again?” Willow asked.

“I think that I’m attracted to him,” she whispered.

“Buffy? Did you just say…?”

“I think Spike is a major hottie!” Buffy exclaimed. She kept her eyes firmly on Willow. She said it. Couldn’t take it back now. Besides, she trusted Willow. She was her best friend. Willow sat deathly still on her bed with her mouth open.

“Will. Please. Say something.”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah. I’m trying to process what you said. I guess I’m just kinda shocked? Like, this is Spike we’re talking about. You know, great big evil? All ‘grr, arrg’?”

“I-I know that, Will! But I still have eyes. Evil doesn’t mean that he’s suddenly going to look hideous. Sure would help though.” Buffy decided this was the perfect time to put all of her focus on painting her right hand and not looking at her friend’s face.

“Well. I guess he does have that cool jacket,” Willow relented. Buffy’s face lit up.

“Right?!”

“It does look really cool the way it goes all billow-y behind him when he walks.” The two girls giggled.

“And he has the strongest cheekbones I have _ever_ seen,” Buffy pointed out. Willow paused for a moment.

“It does kinda make him look like a model. You know, if you ignore the whole vampire face thing,” she teased. The two lapsed into another giggle fit.

“But god. When we were fighting it just felt so like. Intense? I mean it was to the death and all that until my mom came but like. It was a different kind of intense. Like there was electricity in the air or something.”

“Romantic electricity?”

“No! Well. I think no. I’m pretty sure no,” the Slayer stated.

“Pretty sure?” An eyebrow was raised.

“No. Very sure. No romance what-so-ever. Just… estheticianly pleasing! Like how my mom talks about paintings at work.”

“I think you mean ‘aesthetically’, but I get what you mean.” Buffy smiled. She, very carefully to not mess up her nail polish, wrapped her arms around her best friend for a big hug. She was so glad that she confided in Willow. She hadn’t been sure if she should but something deep inside her seemed to yell at her to not push the red head away. It was clearly the right decision. Putting out her emotions and thoughts out loud helped Buffy more than she realized that it could. Talking to Willow was like lifting a huge burden off of her shoulders.

“I know it’s kind of obvious, but not a word of this to Angel,” Buffy said. Willow mimed zipping her lips, making the Slayer laugh. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was surprising to me while I wrote this how little French I remembered. I took it up to grade 12 in high school and even got 90% on the provincial but now I'm like "...????? verbs??? what's that??"
> 
> also note that I'm also uploading this story to EF, but they get it a day early so if you can't wait go check it out there ;D


	5. Halloween

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some dialogue from _Halloween_ , written by Joss Whedon and Carl Ellsworth

Buffy looked at the dress with awe. It was beautiful. The pink old-style dress was soft to the touch – maybe velvet, Buffy wondered – and had a beautiful lace trim. It captured her attention completely, divorcing her from the rest of the world. She imagined what it must be like to be the kind of girl to wear it. She wished that could be her.

“Look at this,” she said to herself.

“It’s amazing,” Willow remarked.

“Too bulky. I like my women in spandex,” Xander commented. From behind a curtain a man appeared who took the dress off of its mannequin.

“Please, let me,” he said. Buffy noted he, like Giles, had a British accent. The man posed the dress in front of Buffy for her to see in the mirror. The girl gasped. The feelings of wanting to be a princess when she was four came back immediately. For the first time in a long time she felt a certain kind of beautiful. Not in a sexy way or a fashionable way, but in a classical way. Disney princess beautiful. Like the noble women that Angel would have spent his time with when he was human.

“My, meet the hidden princess,” the shop keeper said. Buffy was transported back to reality where she was a teenage vampire slayer in a Halloween store. And generally at a store you would need money to acquire goods and/or services.

“I’m sorry, there’s no way I can afford this,” Buffy began. The man simply shook his head.

“Nonsense. I feel… moved to offer you a deal that you can’t refuse,” he said. Buffy’s heart melted. She couldn’t believe her luck. She looked over to Willow and gave her best friend a huge smile. She was going to be gorgeous! Someone that Angel would’ve courted back in his day. What more could she want?

“Alrighty then. Let’s get our costumes and make with the planning,” Xander said. The trio followed the man to the cash register. Buffy gave the dress back to the shopkeeper to place in a bag.

“What do you say, $35 for the dress?” he asked. Buffy took a step backwards.

“That’s… are you sure that’s enough?”

“It’s my store, isn’t it? And I just can’t imagine anyone else wearing it. You could almost call it destiny,” he said with a twinkle in his eye. Something about his smile set off some weirdness feels. Buffy decided to ignore it. Best not to look a gift in the mouth or whatever that saying was. She paid for the dress and once holding the bag did a twirl.

“Getting ready for the ball there, Miss Princess?” Xander teased. Buffy stuck out her tongue in response. Willow and Xander finished buying their costumes and the friends left the store.

“So what’s the plan?” Xander asked.

“Hmm… meet up at my place? I’ll have Willow help me get ready and then you can pick us up at 3:30?”

“What? You don’t want me to help out too?”

Willow and Buffy stopped and just stared at the boy.

“Right. I’ll see you guys at 3:30.”

* * *

At least Buffy’s gaggle of children was well behaved, the soul noted. Like before it had so far been an uneventful evening of escort. The four children showed her teenage self their trick-or-treat spoils from their most recent house.

“She gave out the full sized chocolate bars? Now that’s a major victory!” young Buffy said. The kids nodded enthusiastically. She took the hand of the smallest child. “Now come on, let’s make our way to the next block.”

The soul took stock of the kids she was in. Alright so there was a flower, a bunny, a witch, and a… potato? Was that what the kid was dressed as? She wished Buffy had asked him what he had been dressed as. The only one who could pose a threat to her was the witch. Hopefully she hadn’t bought her costume from Ethan Rayne, the soul thought. She was taken out of her thoughts by the sound of screams.

Oh shit, here it starts. Buffy wasn’t quite sure how ‘becoming’ an 18th century noblewoman would affect her soul-ness. She felt as if there was a sudden plane of glass between her and her body. Fucking great. She no longer could listen to Buffy’s thoughts; just felt a smattering of emotion. These weren’t Buffy’s emotions, either. It was clear to the soul that the feeling of pure fear at seeing an SUV belonged to the noblewoman. Buffy watched Willow take charge and was impressed. Her friend really stepped up to the plate during this crisis. She never really thought about that before. She had somehow convinced army-man Xander to follow her command and ushered a reluctant noble to Buffy’s house.

It was too bad she wasn’t able to tell her how proud she was.

Instead, Willow was told by this not-Buffy that she was dressed like a whore. The group heard a scream for help. Being the soldier he was, Xander rushed out the door to help, leaving Willow and noble bitch alone.

“Surely he won’t leave us?” she asked.

“Whatever,” Willow replied with an eye roll. Only a minute later Xander returned with Cordelia who was dressed in a spandex catsuit.

“Okay what is going on?!” Cordelia asked.

“Okay, your name is Cordelia, you’re not a cat, you’re in high school, and we’re your friends… uh, sort of,” Willow explained. Cordelia rolled her eyes. Buffy couldn’t help but notice that even decades later Cordy would still use her trademarked eye roll.

“That’s nice, Willow. And you went mental _when_?”

“You know us?”

“Yeah, lucky me. What’s with the name game?”

“There’s a lot going on.”

“Yeah, no kidding. I was just attacked by Joe-Joe, the dog faced boy? Look at my costume. Do you think Party Town is going to give me a refund now? Not likely!” Cordelia showed her ripped costume to Willow. Xander took off his army jacket and placed it on Cordelia’s shoulders. ‘ _Aw, foreshadowing.’_

“Okay. Uh, you guys stay here while I get some help from Giles. If anything tries to get in, fight it off,” Willow instructed.

“Well, it’s not our place to fight. It is the job of a man to protect us,” not-Buffy said.

“What is up with her?” Cordelia asked. Willow sighed.

“It’s like amnesia, okay? She doesn’t know who she is, and neither does Xander. Just wait for me, okay?” With that Willow left to get help. The soul felt shock from the noblewoman at seeing Willow ghost-walk through the wall. She couldn’t blame her for that; it was kinda weird seeing your friend all incorporeal-girl.

The soldier immediately got to work and began to create a barricade from the furniture in Buffy’s home. Cordelia reluctantly helped by passing Xander some chairs which he used to block the windows. Of course, Miss ‘it’s not the place of a woman to do any kind of work’ just stood around and watched. Buffy wanted to strangle her.

“Oh good, you guys are alright.”

Buffy’s body turned to see Angel who had come through the backdoor. Silently. _Again._

“Who are you?” she asked him.

“Okay, does somebody want to fill me in on what’s going on here?”

“Do you live here?” Xander asked.

“No, you know that. Buffy… what’s up with your hair?” Angel asked. He leaned in to get a better look, making the 18th century girl unsettled.

“They don’t know who they are, people are turning into demons, it’s a whole thing,” Cordelia explained. Honestly, a pretty good explanation if Buffy had to say so herself.

The lights suddenly turned off- someone must have cut the power. Xander picked up on this fact quickly. He split the group into two: he and Cordelia to look upstairs while she and Angel secured the back kitchen entrance.

Buffy’s body clung to Angel’s arm like it was the only thing between her and certain death. As they entered the kitchen Buffy’s soul immediately noticed that the back door was open.

“I didn’t leave that open,” Angel said, mostly to himself. He slowly made his way to the door to close it. Once it was closed the pantry door flung open to reveal a short, red demon. Angel pushed the noblewoman out of the way and leapt on top of it.

“A knife! Get me a knife!” Angel cried. Buffy’s body stayed frozen in fear.

“Buffy!” Angel shouted. He turned around, showing his vampiric face. The noblewoman screamed and ran out of the house. The soul could feel her fear overwhelming the costume’s entire being. She could tell that the plane between the soul and the rest of Buffy was fractured. The noble was too emotionally distraught to manage. Maybe, _maybe_ the soul could use this.

_‘Please work.’_

She concentrated her essence against the fractured plane, looking for an entry point. _‘Found you.’_ Buffy focused on the point and broke her essence through. Like her fight against The Master she again found her essence filling every space of her body.

“Finally,” she muttered. She looked around to see that she had ended up at the edge of downtown. Now that Buffy actually had some time, she moved around to get a better feel of her 16-year-old body. It was stronger than in May. Her muscles were reacting better this time. It certainly didn’t hurt that she had been pushing this time’s Buffy into doing more work with Giles to improve her form. The dress though. That was a major hindrance. Buffy frowned. She didn’t want to destroy it; it made young Buffy so happy that it seemed wrong to damage it. But she needed to be able to move properly. The Slayer didn’t really want to take it off and walk around in just her underwear. Especially considering she was wearing a thong. Her younger self had picked it out knowing that she’d see Angel that night. Not that she was expecting anything, but a ‘just in case’ kind of thing.

Buffy took the front half and the back half of the skirt in her hands and tied it between her legs creating what almost looked like giant poofy shorts. Or something. Good enough.

The Slayer took a deep breath. She felt a faint scratch at the back of her neck; the telltale sign of something supernatural nearby. This Buffy’s ability to sense demons was so weak. Buffy took a deep breath to focus on it. A vampire… was that Spike’s signature? Buffy spun to the street on her left. A block away under a streetlight she saw his figure.

“Look at the little lost girl,” he called out. Right, he had heard about her costume choice making her helpless. Oh this could be _so_ much fun. There he was, right in front of her and this time Buffy was in control. She wasn’t sure how long until the spell broke but she was not going to waste a second of it. A huge smile broke on her face and she found herself skipping towards the vampire.

“Not so lost anymore,” she called out. The Slayer could now better see his facial features. He was in game face making it easier for him to smell her. Spike frowned and walked towards her.

“Oh, did you expect something different, William?” she teased with a saunter.

“Why aren’t you all changed like everyone else?” he asked. She gave him a wink, knowing it would drive him crazy.

“A lady never reveals her secrets. Didn’t your mother teach you that?” Spike narrowed his eyes.

“Who are you?” he asked. Shit, she forgot how god damn perceptive he was.

“I’m Buffy.”

“And I’m the bloody queen of England.”

“Let’s just… Don’t worry about it, okay? Besides, I came here for one reason,” she said. Buffy got herself into a fighting position.

“To kill me?”

“Kill you? Hell no. I’m here to dance with you.”

Buffy easily dodged Spike’s first punch. After that would be one with his right hand, followed by a low jab. It may have been decades since she had fought with the vampire but it all came back to the Slayer immediately. She knew his every move like how he would grow to know hers. Frustration began to grow on Spike’s face. He would start to get sloppy soon. Buffy couldn’t help but laugh. When was the last time she felt truly happy? She couldn’t remember.

Spike growled at her laugh. He must have taken it as a taunt. Poor guy. She continued her dance around him, not putting much force into her attacks. This was just another spar for her. She almost felt bad for the vampire as he missed another punch. He clearly didn’t quite see it that way.

“Why can’t I hit you?” he growled. Buffy gave him a wide smile.

“You’re trying too hard,” she said. Spike then threw a punch to Buffy’s face. She grabbed his wrist tightly and caught his other hand. The Slayer pulled him towards her.

“I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be taking lead. It’s time to say goodbye for now,” Buffy said. She gave him a quick, deep kiss and head butted him. She wanted more. God damn did she want to do more so badly but Buffy knew she didn’t have unlimited time. The last thing she wanted was for her young self to take over during the fight. Buffy ran from the confused vampire sitting dazed on the sidewalk and couldn’t help but giggle. He must be so lost. Especially since he knew that she wasn’t this time’s Buffy. She frowned. She really hadn’t expected him to realize that. At least not that quickly. Would he think that Buffy was possessed? That someone was pretending to be her and the other Buffy was somewhere else?

Would Dru tell him what was going on?

Buffy gave a deep exhale as she made a left turn. Maybe it would help that he would know that it wasn’t this Buffy that kissed him. She just couldn’t help herself! She kept it short though, knowing that it would majorly wig out her younger version once she regained control.

_‘It was worth it, though.’_

* * *

Buffy was _beyond_ wigged. The previous night was insane. And not just the whole becoming what she was dressed up as. Strange enough, if she was just acting like some 18th century whiny girl she wouldn’t have been so confused. No, it was the whole ‘suddenly acting like someone similar to herself and _kissing Spike_ ’ that threw her off. What the hell was that about? And the way her body moved was very similar to back in May when she fought The Master.

The teen stormed into the library.

“Giles!” Buffy called out, startling Giles. The watcher fumbled with his book before dropping it.

“Buffy! Did something happen?” he asked. Now that Buffy was looking at him her mind suddenly blanked. What was she supposed to tell him? She had to say something. Say something, Buffy!

“Uh. Yeah. Something,” she said. Buffy sat down in one of the chairs at the table.

“Are you ah, planning on saying what it is?” Giles asked.

“Well. Okay, you heard about how yesterday everyone all changed into their Halloween costume, right?”

“Yes, I am well aware. Willow came to me as a ghost if you recall,” Giles said.

“Yeah. Well, I also was something else.”

“Yes, Willow informed me that you became a noblewoman from the 1700s.”

“No. I mean yes, but not just that. I think I was also like, possessed. Not by the dress.” Giles took off his glasses and sat down.

“Possessed? Possessed by what?” Giles asked. Buffy fidgeted with her fingers.

“I don’t really know, actually. I think it was the same thing that had taken over me when I fought The Master.”

“H-hold on, Buffy. Are, are you saying that you were possessed during your battle in May?”

“You were possessed when you fought The Master?” Willow asked. Giles and Buffy turned to see Willow and Xander standing at the entrance of the library.

“Uh… maybe?” Buffy said weakly. She hadn’t expected her friends to show up. She had only meant to tell her watcher but. Well, they were here now. May as well.

“Why didn’t you mention this before?” Willow asked.

“Yeah, was this possessed thing what caused you to die? We should exorcise it like, yesterday,” Xander said. Buffy shook her head.

“No. I don’t really know if it’s actually possession or what. It’s something though. But whatever it is, it saved me against The Master. After you revived me, I mean. When I was fighting him on the roof he did that weird hypnosis thing again and suddenly I didn’t have control over my body again. But this possess-y thing like, took control and kicked his ass,” Buffy explained. Giles took off his glasses to clean them.

“Dear lord.”

“And you decided not to mention this because…?” Xander asked.

“Listen, that was a really weird day, okay? A lot happened, the dying kinda overshadowed the whole not moving on my own accord. And I had to leave for LA practically right after. The time to mention it just… never really seemed to come up. And it hadn’t happened since so I thought that it was like some weird one-time thing. Because it was The Master and all. It wasn’t until I was all possessed-girl again last night that I brought it up.”

“Wait, you were possessed again last night? Wasn’t that just the weird costume spell?” Xander asked.

“No, it wasn’t. I mean yeah I was also all 1700s girl but like halfway through that other thing took over again until the spell broke.”

“What did it do, this uh, other being?” Giles asked.

“It ended up running into Spike and we fought. Well, fought is a weird way to describe it. It dodged all of his attacks, like it knew what he was going to do before he did it. And then it uh. Um, did a head butt and ran back home. Then poof! I was back.”

“Dodged all of Spike’s attacks? Like it was psychic?” Willow asked.

“Maybe this thing has ESPN,” Xander wondered.

“I do believe you mean ESP. But ah, I’m not sure that possessive spirits have that ability. I’ll have to do some research. Is there anything else you can tell me about it, Buffy?” Buffy took a moment to think.

“I don’t think it wants to hurt me. I get the feeling from it that it’s protecting me. Like I can trust it. It’s almost like it knows my abilities better than I do,” Buffy said.

“Oh! Maybe it’s like a Slayer spirit!” Willow suggested. Buffy thought about how she had basically flirted with Spike during their entire encounter the previous night.

“I… don’t think that’s quite it. But maybe, who knows. Anyway, I feel pretty in control right now.”

“Yes. Well, I’ll try to get to the bottom of this,” Giles said. Buffy smiled, grateful for his help. She turned to Willow.

“Hey Will. Would you be up for coming over tonight? A bit of a girls’ night? Sorry Xand,” she said.

“Sure, no problem.”

“Thanks. Uh, see you guys later,” Buffy said. She linked her arm with Willow’s and the two made their way to Buffy’s house. The teen needed to tell someone about the whole Spike thing but there was no way she was going to tell Giles or Xander. It had made her feel very weird. Angel could tell that something was off with her last night after she had changed back but thought it had just been her being weirded out by the spell. She couldn’t find it in herself to tell him what had happened.

Willow sat on Buffy’s bed once they got to her room. “So what’s going on that you couldn’t say in front of Giles and Xander?” Willow asked.

“W-what makes you say that?” Buffy said.

“Buffy. You wouldn’t have made such a fast getaway if it wasn’t something you couldn’t say in front of them.”

“It was not a fast getaway!”

“Buffy!” The two girls giggled.

“Okay, maybe it was. It has to do with last night,” Buffy said. Willow moved her hair behind her ear.

“Something to do with Spike?”

“Yeah. It was… Okay you can NOT tell anyone about this though,” Buffy instructed. Willow crossed her heart.

“You know your secret’s safe with me.”

“I know. Okay. Well, when the thing that possessed me was fighting or whatever with Spike. She was like teasing him the whole time. Like ‘I want to get with you in a sexy way’ teasing.”

“You know that for sure?”

“Yeah. I know that ‘cause it. Oh god I still can’t believe my body did this. It kissed Spike.”

“NO!” Willow shouted. Buffy covered Willow’s mouth.

“Willow! Not so loud. But yes. It did.”

“Spike kissage! With _your_ body! Was there tongue?”

“Oh my god! Willow!”

“Well?”

“Okay maybe a little bit. It wasn’t me though! Willow you cannot tell anyone about this, especially Angel. Okay?”

“Of course, Buffy. You know you can trust me.”

The blonde smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so incredibly fun to write like hot damn. Also I changed the 'vampire' that somehow snuck into Buffy's house in the Halloween episode into a demon because how the HELL did a vamp get into her house if no one invited it in? And if it is just a kid in a costume then that means that Angel almost (or did?) kill an innocent person. Like bro. Nah.


	6. Uncertain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some dialogue from _Lie to Me _, written by Joss Whedon__

The conversation with Willow was a good one for Buffy. The soul was happy to see that she was opening up to her friends and watcher this time. It had been a slow descent into closing herself off from her friends in the original timeline but a descent nonetheless that started after her first death. By the time they had their showdown with Glory, Buffy barely had conversations with her friends anymore. That wasn’t going to happen this time if she had anything to say about it. She was also content that Buffy had noticed her presence. It wasn’t the ideal way for her to make herself known to her other self but hey, it worked. 

Buffy went towards the southwest district to end her patrol. The teen looked over the area from the top of a roof. Nothing major of note. She was about to leave when she heard something. Wait. Was that Drusilla’s voice? The soul snapped to attention. Oh right, she had eavesdropped on this conversation during her original time, hadn’t she? This time’s Buffy moved closer to better hear what was being said. She looked down to see both Drusilla and Angel.

“This can’t go on, Drusilla,” Angel said. The soul rolled her eyes. Oh of course that’s the part that Buffy would hear. This was like a soap opera cliché.  _ ‘It’s not like that!’ _

“Oh, but it will. Differently now. The sun has split in two you see. Split and come back together. The trajectory of the stars has already changed,” she said.

“I’m giving you the chance to leave.”

“It’s too late, my sweet. Everything is falling into place. The stars have already sung their song and now we’re doing a new encore.” Drusilla turned and floated out of the park. Angel stood for a moment then left to return home. Her younger self’s heart constricted in her chest. The soul could feel her rising nausea.

_ ‘Oh sweetheart. It’s okay. He hasn’t betrayed you. This time.’ _

The young Slayer didn’t seem to get much reassurance from the soul’s message. She fled back to her home and room. Her safe place. The teen changed into her yummy sushi pajamas and held Mr Gordo tight. Buffy swallowed down her tears.

“It’s probably nothing,” she whispered to herself.

_ ‘It’s nothing. He’s not seeing her.’ _

“I can trust him.”

_ ‘Uh. Sure.’ _

Buffy slipped under the covers of her bed with Mr Gordo. The teenager steadied her heavy, shaking breaths. The soul wished, not for the first time, that she could give her young self a hug. Yes, she had fallen out of love with Angel a long, long time ago. But this Buffy was still very much head over heels with the vampire. He was her first love, after all. Her reaction to Angel’s rendezvous with Drusilla was evidence that Buffy didn’t really trust him. It was messy young love.

Buffy also didn’t miss Drusilla’s reference to her presence. She just didn’t quite know how much the seer knew. Had she mentioned anything to Spike? Had he understood what she said? It made her uncomfortable. She moved her focus back to the younger version of herself trying to fall asleep. She’d have to cross the Drusilla bridge once she got to it. For now she was going to take care of the girl before her.

_ ‘You’ll be okay.’ _

* * *

The next day Buffy was shocked to see Ford at school. Ford, the guy she had gone to school with for seven years. It was a piece of her life in LA that she thought she had left once she was Called. But nope, here he was. And not just that, but he later told her last night that knew that she was the Slayer! How on earth did he figure that out? Normally it would have made her really happy and relieved to not have to hide such a major part of herself from yet another person in her life. But something within Buffy had made her uncertain. It tugged at her saying that something wasn’t quite right. She didn’t know where this feeling came from but who was she to dismiss her Slayer instincts?

So she felt uneasy when the next day at school Ford had asked Buffy to show him around Sunnydale that evening. The uncertain feeling screamed at her.

“I dunno, Ford. There’s not really much of Sunnydale  _ to _ show, really,” she said with a frown.

“I’m sure there’s something out there. Besides, if I’m with you something exciting is bound to happen,” Ford said.

“You’d wish for that wouldn’t you,” Xander mumbled. Ford seemed to ignore him.

“Come on, Summers. It’s been so long since we last got to spend time together,” he said. 

“I dunno. I kinda have to patrol tonight since I didn’t last night.”

“And you shouldn’t take a woman away from her sacred duty!” Xander said, putting his arm around Buffy’s shoulders. Could he be more obvious about his dislike of Ford?

“Well, let me go with you!” Ford said enthusiastically. Buffy shook her head.

“No. It’s too dangerous. I can’t fight and protect you at the same time,” Buffy said in her most authority-person voice. She couldn’t stand the idea of him getting hurt. After getting a piece of her old life back it would be devastating to be putting him in danger of making a too-early exit. Ford sighed, looking very defeated. 

“Okay, I get it Summers. Maybe I’ll just end up finding some vampires while exploring on my own instead,” he said. He left Buffy and Xander before Buffy could reply. Her shoulders slumped. She was sure that she was doing the right thing by not putting him in danger. So why did she feel so awful?

“There’s something not quite right about that guy,” Xander said.

“I don’t want to agree, but you’re right. There’s something that’s just screaming ‘not right’ when it comes to him,” Buffy said. At that moment Xander spotted Willow and flagged her over.

“Hey Wills. You were saying before about going on a recon mission later tonight?” Xander said. Willow’s eyes went wide as she turned back towards Buffy.

“Uh, I didn’t. I don’t know w-what you’re talking about!” the red head stammered. 

“Relax, Willow. Buffy’s joined the ‘suspicious of Ford’ club. We may as well fill her in.”

“‘Her’ is sitting right here! Fill me in on what?” Buffy demanded. Willow fidgeted with her hair.

“Well, you see, Angel came by last night. And he’s kinda all suspicious of Ford so he asked me to look him up on the net, right? But see the weird thing is that he’s not in our school system at all. None of his grades have been transferred over, he isn't enrolled in any classes. Nothing. So I dug a bit deeper and found an address associated with his name. Angel didn’t want me to tell you in case it was nothing,” Willow explained. 

“Oh, so he’s fine with Xander knowing but when it comes to Buffy it’s all secrets?” Buffy moved her arms in exasperation. She was furious. The previous night when they had taken Ford to the Bronze, Angel had lied about meeting with that chick the other night (‘I stayed in that night’, what a load of shit!). So Angel first lied about that random ho-bag and then went behind her back to conspire with her friends. Buffy wasn’t a child but that’s what Angel was treating her like.

“You know, that’s exactly what I thought,” Xander added.

“I’m sorry, Buffy. I didn’t want to keep it a secret from you. You know how bad I am at that! But Angel made me promise not to and he said it’s to help you,” Willow stammered. Buffy shook her head and placed a hand on Willow’s arm.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not upset with you. I’m upset with Angel. I don’t like the idea of him going behind my back. It makes part of me like, way more upset with him than I expected,” Buffy explained. 

“When you say part of you, do you mean your possessing friend?” Xander asked. Buffy pretended to hit him but she couldn’t help but smile.

“Don’t call her that!”

“So it’s a ‘her’ now?” Xander asked.

“Why, would you prefer it to be a guy?”

“No! No, girl is good. Nothing wrong with that.” Buffy and Willow looked at each other with a bemused look.

“We should come up with a name or something for her,” Willow suggested. 

“Probably, but maybe later on? We have to figure out this Ford stuff,” Buffy said, getting down to business.

“We were planning on checking out this address after sunset with Angel,” Willow explained.

“We don’t _ have _ to go with Dead Boy though,” Xander suggested. 

“As annoyed as I am with him we’re still meeting Angel there; we might need him. Listen, I still need to patrol tonight though. We’ll check out this location and then I’ll patrol from there. Sound like a plan?” The others nodded. 

* * *

The recon mission was a… success. If you could say that. They had found Ford’s group of vamp wannabes and Buffy very unsurprisingly got into an argument with the deluded teens. It had quickly devolved into Buffy displaying her strength as the Slayer and threats of violence with Angel’s vamp face backing her up. Ford was not there, he was out looking for ‘a vampire to bless them’, they had said. Reluctantly, the scared mini cult left the bunker. Buffy wasn’t sure if they had fully heeded her warning that any vampire would indeed kill them, but seeing Angel’s true face and hearing it from him seemed to at least shake their faith. 

Hopefully.

Which led to Buffy and Angel patrolling together that night. The tension was so thick Buffy could almost swim in it. Angel remained silent. Buffy couldn’t decide if she was happy that he wasn’t trying to force conversation, or annoyed that he wasn’t trying to figure out why she was so upset with him. As the couple (couple? Were they a couple? Did she want them to be a couple?) approached the school they heard the breaking of glass. 

“Did you hear that?” Angel asked.

“Sounds like it came from the library,” Buffy said. The two ran to the library to see two vamps fleeing campus, one of them with something in her hands. “You get Mr. Ugly over there, I’ll get the missus!” Buffy instructed. 

“Got it,” Angel called out. The Slayer pushed her legs to their limits to reach the female vampire. She turned to see Buffy and let out a growl.

“I was told to just deliver the book and not fight but If you want to die that badly I’ll gladly make it happen,” she said. Buffy smirked.

“I can’t wait to make you regret this.” Buffy threw two quick punches, both hitting their target. The vampire snarled and leapt for Buffy. She was unable to move out of the way quickly enough but bore the brunt of the force with her arms. She then did a side whip kick, hitting the demon in her face. She staggered backwards.

“Shit,” she said. The vampire turned and began to run away. Buffy followed only to trip over something on the ground. She cursed loudly: the stupid bitch had gotten away. 

“Buffy.” She looked up to see Angel standing over her with an outstretched arm. He wore an expression of concern and guilt. Buffy briefly wondered if his vamp had also gotten away as she let him help her back onto her feet. 

“Ugh, I can’t believe I let her get away,” Buffy began.

“Buffy,” Angel said again, softly. The Slayer looked at him. 

“What is it?”

The vampire simply looked down at the ground. Buffy followed his eyes and gasped. She had tripped on a body.

Ford’s body.

Seeing a dead body was never easy. But when it was a stranger it was easier for Buffy to compartmentalize her feelings. This though? This was the face of her first crush. Of the guy she played basketball with after school. The boy who she confided in when her parents started fighting. Years of life and conversation and touches just gone. 

Was it her fault? God if she had just done what he had asked her to do and spent that night with him-

Something within her said no. Maybe it was the being that possessed her at times, but something deep inside Buffy seemed to say that no matter what this would have happened. If Ford knew that she was the Slayer then Ford knew how dangerous vampires actually were. He knew better than to go out at night looking for vampires. 

But maybe if Buffy had done something else, if her conversation that morning went differently, if she better explained the dangers of vampires. What constricted her heart the most was that her last conversation with him was so negative. He just walked away from her. And that’s the last impression he had of her. There was nothing she could do to change that. 

What she had to do now was be the Slayer. What she wanted to do was be a human being.

“I’m sorry,” Angel said. Buffy turned to him and looked up at the man through water filled eyes. She leaned against his sturdy chest and gripped around his torso tightly. Buffy let Angel pet her hair while she cried. After a few minutes she built herself back together. She had to be strong now. 

“Okay, okay um. We gotta leave an anonymous tip for the police to pick up Ford’s body and page Giles. Those vamps clearly stole something from the library.”

“You’re okay to do that now?” he asked. Buffy sniffed and nodded. They went to the library and Buffy first left a tip on Sunndale’s Anonymous Death Tip Line (possibly the only town with one) and then left Giles a page. Afterwards the two of them sat in the library and waited. Buffy took a deep breath and exhaled. She was never good at staying still. May as well look at the mess of papers covering the table. The Slayer moved one of the papers to see a photograph underneath.

It was her. That woman Angel had been with. It was dated 1911. Buffy felt her heart drop.

“Who is this?” she asked.

“Who’s who?” Angel asked. Buffy took a deep breath and summoned her strongest ‘authority’ voice. 

“Who is this girl? And don’t feed me any lies!” Buffy pushed the photograph into Angel’s face. His face immediately darkened.

“Drusilla. She was Angelus’s… most horrible, greatest accomplishment. His magnum opus. The things I did to her are beyond evil,” Angel explained. He turned away.

“What you did to her was beyond evil? Then why were you talking with her before? What is she doing here? Yeah, I saw you two the other night.” Buffy wanted an answer and she wanted it  _ now _ . Rage and fury and sadness stormed in her heart. Angel began to pace the library while averting his eyes. 

“You don’t want to know what I did. You’ll never want to see me again.”

“Yeah? Well maybe you should let me make that choice myself. Tell me.”

“Dru… She was everything that I stood against. She was pure and chaste. Beautiful. She also had the gift: the sight. I took everything from her.”

“You killed her,” Buffy whispered. Angel laughed humourlessly.

“Oh if only that was it. No, I didn’t just kill her. First I broke her mind. I tormented her. Tortured her. Killed her entire family. She saw everything twice: first with the sight and then in reality. She tried to run and escape me by joining a convent. I followed. On the day she took her Holy Orders I turned her. “

“I…” Buffy was speechless. 

“Good lord,” Giles whispered. The two turned to see Giles and Miss Calendar standing at the library entrance.

“Wow. I won’t say that I’m not shocked. But you were soulless. That isn’t you anymore. You have a soul,” Buffy said. Something within Buffy seemed to not agree with that. She shoved that down. Buffy loved Angel: the vampire with a soul. She could forgive him for the actions he did without a soul because it wasn’t him. He needed her and her love. She could cure his guilt. Their love was true love, wasn’t it? She couldn’t push him away after he bared his soul to her. 

“Better make sure that soul stays in place,” Miss Calendar said with a raised eyebrow.

“Quite. I must confess I am intrigued as to what has brought up the subject.”

“She’s here in town,” Buffy informed. Giles took off his glasses and began to clean them.

“Here? I was under the impression that she had died recently by a mob in Prague,” Giles said. 

“That’s what my sources said as well,” Miss Calendar added.

“Well she’s very much not dust and very much with the walking. So, Angel, why is she here?” Buffy said, turning towards him.

“Drusilla and Spike are the closest thing demons can be to lovers. They travel together, hunt together, and kill together. Dru is Spike’s sire. Spike is Dru’s… plaything.” Buffy ignored the feeling in her chest hearing that Spike had what seemed to be a girlfriend.

“Closest thing to lovers?”

“Soulless beings can’t truly love,” Angel said. The thing within Buffy seemed to disagree with this sentiment. She ignored it.

“It seems we will need to keep an eye out for her as well then. Is this the reason for the page, Buffy? Not that I’m complaining,” Giles said.

“You could have said that you didn’t like monster trucks!” Miss Calendar said.

“You took him to monster trucks? Really?” Buffy asked incredulously. 

“I thought maybe he’d like something different,” she said nonchalantly. 

“Yes. It was very different,” Giles muttered. Buffy gestured Giles and Miss Calendar to Giles’ office. The door had been broken into. 

“A vamp stole one of your books. No idea which one or why though,” Buffy shrugged. Giles made some concerned noises and went into his office to investigate. Miss Calendar looked over at the teen.

“That isn’t the only thing that happened tonight, is it?” she asked. Buffy tried to keep the surprise off of her face. How had she known that? Buffy looked over to the side.

“I mean. Yeah. Kind of. Nothing that needs immediate action, though.”

“Did it have to do with your friend, Ford was it?” the woman asked. Buffy looked down. She would not cry. She  _ would not  _ cry because she was strong and the Slayer and this was her job.

“He was looking for a vampire to uh. I think to turn him and maybe his little group of cult-y friends. He found his vampire,” Buffy said. She kept her voice from wavering which she was very proud of herself for. 

“Oh, Buffy. I’m sorry,” Miss Calendar began. Buffy shook her head. She couldn’t do this right now. She’d be okay. She just needed a bit more time.

“Don’t. Please,” she almost whispered. Miss Calendar gave her an understanding look and placed a hand on her shoulder in support. 

“Of course. Listen, I’ll help out Rupert. How about you and Angel make your way back home?”

Buffy nodded and let Angel take her hand. His hand was cold but she pretended that it could warm her up.

* * *

The next night Buffy had only planned on a short patrol. She was going to do just a quick loop through the twelve cemeteries and then right back into bed well before midnight. The teenager wanted to get out her frustration and anguish about Ford’s death with violence but also wanted to be able to safely spend time alone with her thoughts in her room. She always wanted to have her cake and eat it too, the soul noted. Had she really been like that when she was in high school? How the hell did her mother manage to raise not just one but two teenage girls? Buffy was pretty sure this wouldn’t be the last time she’d wonder that. It was just another one of the amazing things about Joyce.

The soul was trying her very hardest to get Buffy to try to use her ‘vamp senses’ more. The sooner this version of Buffy could sense a vampire without thinking the better off she’d be. It frustrated the older self to no end. She had the supernatural awareness of a goldfish. Fucking hell.

_ ‘Reach out. Feel for the vampire tingles,’ _ she instructed. Young Buffy seemed to at least pay more attention to her surroundings. She had sensed maybe one vampire earlier than she normally would. A small victory was better than no victory. After killing three vamps and reaching the last cemetery the soul was about to write off this night as another semi-failure when her younger self suddenly stopped.

The soul felt it too. Those very familiar back-of-the-neck tingles of a vampire. And not just any vampire: one of the Aurelian line. The soul practically leapt for joy. Was it Spike? Please be Spike. She could tell that it wasn’t Angel but this Buffy hadn’t known Spike well enough to recognize his signature. 

_ ‘Stay on guard but this could be so,  _ so _ good!’  _ The soul was almost pouncing with glee when Buffy turned the corner and-

There was Drusilla picking dandelions by one of the graves. She was in one of her signature white floor length dresses with an empress waistline. Buffy noted that the bottom of the dress was stained with dirt and what was probably blood.

“If it isn’t the two suns come out to play,” Drusilla said. She made no movement to show fear of Buffy nor intent to harm her.

“I’m not here to play any games. Why were you talking to Angel?” Buffy asked.

“Daddy is here but doesn’t want to listen to me or the pixies. Do you ever listen to pixies? Little fairies that whisper into your ear when you’re between waking and sleep? They call to me. Saying that daddy’s light will burn up soon and it will be all the sun’s doing,” Drusilla said. She took a step forward putting Buffy on edge.

“Angel said you were mad. Now I can see he was right.”

“You don’t listen to me? I know the other sunshine does. She’s already seen this happen, just as I have. So bright she’ll burn him to ashes,” Drusilla said.

“I’ll never let that happen to Angel!” Buffy said. But the soul knew. Drusilla wasn’t speaking to the younger self. She was speaking to  _ her _ .

_ ‘I never wanted it to be that way.’ _

Drusilla held one of the dandelions and began to tear the petals off one by one. “He asked me, you know. Why there are two suns. But Miss Edith stayed quiet. She knows not to talk out of turn even when my sweet yells. He can’t stop. You’ve already started to enter his bones.” The vampire ripped off the head of the dandelion and turned to Buffy, showing that she was in game face.

“You’ve gone and broken all of my watches and clocks!” Drusilla screeched. Buffy took this as an invitation to attack. She readied her stake and began to leap onto the woman. Drusilla raised two fingers and instantly stopped the young Slayer by placing her in her thrall. 

“There will be none of that,” she murmured. The soul forced herself out of the thrall. She again pushed herself into every square inch of Buffy’s body, taking over. It was such a good feeling to have control again. She stood still and made no move to harm the vampire. Buffy knew that despite Dru’s insanity, or probably because of it, the vamp knew that she was now the ‘other’ Buffy.

“You know I won’t kill you for now,” the older Buffy said. Drusilla simply tilted her head and looked deeply into Buffy’s eyes.

“You want to take my sweet William away again. You’ve already got daddy. Isn’t that enough?”

“ _ I’m _ not the one interested in Angel. And you know that I’ve already gotten under Spike’s skin. I’m an itch that won’t go away,” Buffy said. She flashed Drusilla a smile. The vampire growled. Buffy waved her finger.

“Nah-ah. Don’t even try it, Dru. I know you’re too weak to even think about taking me.”

“I don’t like you!” Drusilla cried, beginning to shake. Buffy raised an eyebrow.

“Wow, what a coincidence! I don’t like you either! But you’re too weak to hurt me, and I know that Spike would never forgive me if I hurt you. So I’ll tell you what: I’ll let you go back to Miss Edith without a scratch on you. Got it?”

Drusilla gave Buffy one last glare and fled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dru is a _lot_ of fun to write, haha.


	7. Happy Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm about a week late because of real life stuff. So here it is a day early!
> 
> Some dialogue taken from _What's My Line? Part 2_ and _Surprise_ , both written by Marti Noxon

“I swear to god if Angel isn’t alive I _will_ kill you,” Buffy hissed at the other girl before leaving the bar. Kendra glared back. The Slayer had no patience for Kendra’s by-the-book methods of ‘oh better go to the watcher and get instructions’ after every small interaction. Buffy was independent and she did not want to waste time. The independence didn’t change much with age but her impatience had improved greatly, the soul noticed. However, she remembered her thoughts and feelings the first time around and there was no change this time. The teen was terrified that she wouldn’t get to the church where the restoration ritual was taking place in time and Angel would die restoring Drusilla to her full strength. Of course the soul knew that Buffy would get there in time and Angel would survive and all that. But her reassurances to the young Slayer did little to calm her. 

She knew that Willy was leading her to where Angel was, which was also a trap. She also knew that Willy was an idiot who’s plan amounted to handing the Slayer over to Spike alive _while_ they were performing the ritual for Dru. So when Buffy found herself surrounded by vampires and the Order of Taraka the soul was not concerned. She heard her other self curse internally. 

_‘Don’t worry about it, let them take you in.’_

Even though she tried to resist, Buffy was unable to overpower the vampires holding her in place. The teen’s heart stopped when she looked at the altar of the church. There strapped to Drusilla was Angel, and it was obvious that he was in pain. The soul felt the girl’s heart scream for him. Spike came over to ream Willy out for bringing her to him alive. He then quickly looked Buffy over with a strange expression on his (vamped out) face.

“You’re you again,” he mumbled. The soul was impressed. He knew instantly. How did he figure it out so quickly? This version of Spike had only seen Buffy a handful of times, even including his spying on her to ‘study her moves’. He was already paying such close attention to her. The soul warmed deep inside.

“Yeah, I’m me. Let him go!” Buffy cried. Spike laughed and leaned in close until his face was only inches from the Slayer. 

“Make. Me.” Spike then walked away and gestured towards the writhing Angel. “You better be quick though. I’d say peaches here has only, hmm, five minutes left? Though that’s something you no longer share. Would you do the honors, Patrice?”

The armed Order of Taraka member brandished her gun. At that moment Kendra literally burst through the church wall, kicking her off of Buffy. Through the main entrance entered the rest of the scoobies. Buffy used this distraction to stake the vampire that had been holding her left arm. Kendra then punched Spike in the jaw, causing him to stumble over towards Buffy who returned the favour.

“What the bloody hell is this?” Spike growled.

“You’ve just won the lottery,” Buffy said.

“Two Slayers,” Kendra said.

_‘Personally I’d say three.’_

The young Slayer’s next punch was interrupted by the previous Order of Taraka member. Buffy turned to avoid the next attack and squared up with her attacker Patrice. _‘Take care of her quickly, don’t forget about Angel’_ the soul pushed. She felt Buffy realize the sense of urgency. The teen kicked the woman onto her back and then looked behind her to see Kendra’s fight with Spike. The soul could tell immediately that she was struggling. Spike was able to think quickly on his feet and his sense of improvisation was rivaled only by her own. That, and she was uncertain if Kendra had enough ties to the world to keep herself alive. 

_‘Switch! She can’t do this!’_ the soul screamed. Buffy seemed to get the hint.

“Kendra! Switch!” she directed. Thankfully the second Slayer nodded and flipped herself over Buffy’s back. The blonde then found herself staring back at Spike.

“Ready for round 2?” Spike asked with an evil grin.

“Wouldn’t dream of missing it.” Buffy threw a right punch that was quickly followed up with a left. Spike dodged the first fist only to be hit by the second. He quickly retaliated with a kick into Buffy’s stomach. Buffy was pushed back and then took a punch to the right temple.

“Much easier to fight this ‘you’. How do I get the other one to show up?” Spike asked. He tried to play it smooth and Buffy could tell that her younger self bought his act. She also saw that Spike was clearly frustrated over not understanding what was going on. She wondered what exactly Dru had told him.

“I’m the only one you need to worry about,” Buffy said. The young Slayer grabbed Spike’s duster and spun him around, using the momentum to throw him across the room. The vampire slammed into one of the broken pews. The soul winced. Poor guy. 

The young teen used the chance to run over to Angel and tear him apart from Dru. Buffy made quick work of the rope that bound the two vampires together. _‘You’re taking too long,’_ the soul chided in a sing-song manner. This seemed to make Buffy look over to see Spike sprinting towards her.

“I won’t let you ruin this, you fucking bitch!” Spike screamed. He lunged on top of Buffy, knocking her down with his weight. Buffy tried to wriggle out of his grasp in vain. _‘Use your legs to flip him!’_ Buffy used her advice and successfully used her legs to twist Spike off of her, also flipping Buffy onto her hands and knees. She began to stand up but was kicked back down by Spike’s boot slamming into her spine. The Slayer screamed as she hit the wooden floor once again, the wind knocked out of her. 

“Buffy!” Giles called out. Spike turned to see the Scoobies on the other side of the pews. He quickly grabbed one of the torches.

“Not a bloody chance,” Spike said. He threw the torch at the fabric covered pews, instantly igniting them and creating a barrier between the Scoobies and Buffy on the altar with Drusilla and Angel. Buffy crawled to Angel to drag his body away. 

“Come on,” Buffy whispered. He wasn’t breathing and his eyes were closed. The only way that Buffy knew that he was still alive was that he wasn’t dust. She looked over to see Spike scoop up Drusilla into his arms to take her away. Buffy quickly scanned her surroundings and grabbed the beam of wood that had been used to tie Angel and Drusilla together. The young slayer threw it at Spike like a javelin. It hit him right in the small of the back.

 _‘Ouch,’_ the soul thought somberly. She watched Spike fall into the organ in front of him, causing part of the church to collapse on top of him and Drusilla. The vampires’ forms were swallowed by wooden debris. Buffy quickly snapped back to Angel who was still lying on the altar severely weakened. The soul sighed at how intently this Buffy poured her love into the body before her. The girl was a fool and it seemed like there was nothing she could do to stop her from making one of her biggest regrets in life.

With the help of Kendra the two Slayers carried Angel to safely.

* * *

Buffy, for not the first time that day, was fighting to not think about a certain bleached vampire. Partially because she was pretty sure he had perished in the fire weeks earlier. Mostly because she was currently nursing a different vampire who just so happened to be her boyfriend back to health. She dabbed the saline soaked gauze on Angel’s cut just as Giles taught her. He hissed slightly.

“I’m sorry!” She quickly said.

“It’s fine. Just stings a bit,” Angel replied. Buffy bit her lip. She wasn’t just apologizing for the pain. She was apologizing for thinking about how it was too bad that she wouldn’t get to feel her lips on Spike’s again. That one kiss, where she _wasn’t even in control of her body_ , felt so good. There was a different kind of electricity kissing Spike than when she kissed Angel. Not to say that Angel was a bad kisser! She melted whenever their mouths met. But, and Buffy would never admit it to anyone, it was a bit of a shame that he was now dust. Probably. Hopefully? Part of her deep inside said that she wanted him to have survived. Probably that possess-y thing. Buffy just wanted him to still be alive because she wanted to fight him again. Yeah.

Fighting him _was_ a lot of fun, to be fair. 

“Buffy?”

“Huh?”

“I said, is something wrong? You seem to be spaced out a bit lately,” Angel said. Buffy shook her head. 

“No, it’s nothing! Just had a long day, that’s all,” Buffy said. She looked into her bag for her polysporin. She pushed aside Mr Pointy and found the tube underneath it. She smiled at the stake. She and Kendra had reached an understanding by the time the second Slayer had to return home. It was over a month ago, now. 

Buffy squeezed a bit of the polysporin onto the tip of the q-tip. She then ran it down the cut on Angel’s back. He winced again and Buffy gave a sly smile. 

“Someone’s a big baby,” she teased. He turned to her and grabbed her arms.

“Is that what you think?” he asked. Then he took Buffy into a deep kiss. Yes, she loved this. She loved him. She didn’t need to think about anyone else. No other vampire lips than Angel’s. Yup.

Her make outs with Angel had started to get more and more intense, she had noticed. The small thing within her, the possess-y thing, told her to stay away from Angel. That seemed to only push her further towards him. She at times felt like she was losing control of herself. It must have been her pure love for Angel, she theorized. That must have been the reason for why it took such an effort to peel herself off of her boyfriend.

“I uh, I should be getting home,” she said. 

“So soon?”

“Angel! It’s almost midnight!” Buffy kissed Angel’s hand. Then she grabbed her bag and left his flat. She skipped on her way back home. Her birthday was tomorrow. Seventeen was a major age. More mature. She took a deep breath. Normal to think about losing her virginity at her age. She’d see him tomorrow and then… She shook her head. Best to not think about that before going to bed or else she’d never fall asleep.

Buffy quickly scaled the tree outside her window. She jiggled open her bedroom window. Over the almost year she’d been in Sunnydale she had become exceptionally good at opening her bedroom window silently. She tossed in her bag first and let her body follow. Buffy quietly emptied her bag and got dressed. Her mom wasn’t a light sleeper but Buffy had been caught in the past. There was no way that she was going to be grounded for her birthday. The teen slipped into her silky pajamas. She soon found herself under her covers with Mr Gordo. 

* * *

_Buffy stood in the middle of a storm. It was so severe that she could not see what lay beyond the clouds. She stepped forward and noticed that she was barefoot on dead grass. She pushed forward and found herself in the hallway of her school. It was daylight, but there were no students around. Only one person in the distance. Buffy walked to it. It turned around to reveal itself to be Miss Calendar._

_“This is my fault. I failed my mission,” she said._

_Buffy looked at her with a curious look. Miss Calendar then grabbed Buffy’s wrist._

_“Will you let me die again?”_

_Fear and confusion hit Buffy. She shook off Miss Calendar’s grip and turned around. She ran down the hall and opened up the doors to the library._

_She walked into the Bronze. A song she didn’t know but had heard hundreds of times played. Buffy started searching. He was here. She knew he was. She pushed through the crowd of people but he was nowhere to be found. Frustrated, Buffy spun around. There he was in front of her. Wait, which ‘he’ was it?_

_To her left was Angel. He smiled and extended his arm to her._

_To her right was Spike. His blue eyes pierced into her’s. He had something in his hand._

_Buffy knew she had to move. She had to choose. She could only save one. Instead she watched Drusilla appear with an evil smile. She brandished a stake. Buffy cried out to Angel but no sound came out. Angel turned around to look at the other vampire. He did nothing, letting her plunge the wood into his heart. Buffy cried watching him turn to dust, leaving behind a smiling Drusilla._

_A noise grabbed Buffy’s attention. She turned to see Spike holding something bright in his hand. It lit up his entire being, engulfing him in flames. He captured her green eyes with his blue ones._

_“No you don’t, but thanks for saying it.”_

_Buffy’s heart screamed in agony as the world fell apart around her. She once again found herself in the field. She took a step forward only to trip onto her left arm. She lifted it up to see it bleeding. She had cut her forearm on a broken yellow coffee mug. It stung. She hissed after she removed the ceramic piece. The teenager looked up to see a tent in the distance. She walked towards it._

_“Wait. No. You can’t see that,” a voice said in a panic. She turned around to see a mirror. Buffy walked towards her reflection._

_“No Buffy. Please,” her reflection begged. Buffy continued to walk towards it, entranced._

_“Wake up. Wake up. Buffy, wake UP!”_

* * *

Buffy awoke with a start. The soul felt equally disoriented. _‘That showed more than I wanted,’_ she thought. The soul didn’t want Buffy to see so much that had happened to her older counterpart. But even more so, the soul didn’t _enjoy_ reliving Spike’s death on the Hellmouth. And god, hearing him say that, hearing him dismissing her confession of love. That he simply _did not believe her_. It broke her heart all over again. And it had been entirely her fault. 

Buffy then noticed that the teenager was crying. Shit, her strong reaction to the dream had overwhelmed young Buffy. What an awful way to start to her seventeenth birthday. The soul sucked it up. She knew the awful end that her birthday would probably have as well, despite the soul’s best efforts.

The teenager took a deep breath and stabilized her breathing before getting up and getting prepared for the day. The soul noticed that she was mulling over the dream and what it meant. Especially since it seemed to foreshadow Angel’s death. The girl was exceptionally concerned and hoped against hope that it hadn’t been a prophetic Slayer dream. Because she was deep in thought Buffy didn’t notice her mother while entering the kitchen. She walked straight into her, causing her mom to drop her coffee mug.

“Buffy!”

“Oh, I’m so sorry mom!” Buffy cried. She knelt down to clean up the now broken mug. She gathered the ceramic pieces together and paused. Her left arm was suddenly in pain.

“Buffy, you’re bleeding. Let me get the first aid kit,” Joyce said. Her mom turned to the cupboard under the sink and took out a red zip-up box. The Slayer twisted her left arm for a better look, causing a piece of ceramic to dislodge from her arm and fall to the floor. Buffy paled when she looked at the blood stained piece of what used to be a yellow mug.

It was just like her dream. This Buffy couldn’t pretend that this wasn’t a Slayer dream anymore. The soul felt for her younger part. She knew all too well how much pain Slayer dreams often brought.

The teenager was almost trance-like while her mother cleaned up her cut.

“Does that feel alright, Buffy?” she asked. Buffy simply nodded.

“I uh, gotta go to school. I’ll see you later,” Buffy said. She quickly left the house, barely hearing Joyce wishing her a happy birthday. The soul listened to Buffy’s thoughts going 100 miles a minute trying to decode just _what_ her dream meant. She noticed that her young self was incredibly confused about why Spike of all people was there.

 _‘Why did I seem to care more for Spike in my dream than Angel? I_ love _Angel. I don’t love Spike. I don’t even like Spike! I just like kissing him. And think about him a lot. But that’s not love. And yet… I felt like my soul was ripped apart watching him die. Those words hurt me more than watching Angel die. What did those words even mean?’_ the young Buffy thought. 

She felt like her soul was ripped apart, huh? Well that was pretty accurate. The soul had to admit though that she was pleased about this time’s Buffy budding feelings for Spike. During the original timeline Buffy didn’t have many thoughts about Spike in general. Her entire existence seemed to revolve around her love for Angel. Her opinion of Spike was simply that he was a vampire, therefore evil, and had a vampire girlfriend. He was simply an obstacle. Instead, this timeline’s Buffy was thinking about Spike much more often. She was starting to realize how much she enjoyed fighting and that Spike was the hottest goddamn thing she had ever laid eyes on.

The teenager made her way straight to the library, not realizing that she passed Xander in the hallway.

“Buffster! Happy birthday,” he said. Buffy turned around at the sound of his voice.

“Xand! Sorry, I didn’t notice you there,” she said. Xander frowned.

“Buffy. I thought we’d be a bit more with the celebratory mood. All with the birthday cheer. What’s up?”

“I had a dream. A Slayer dream. I have to tell Giles,” she said. Xander nodded and walked with her to the library. The soul felt warm at Xander’s presence. Her best friend stood by her right up until the very end. Even when it meant his death.

God what was with the morbid memories today? Oh right, today was one of the worst days of Buffy’s life. The soul shook it off. She couldn’t let her baggage harm young Buffy. They walked into the library where Willow was already sitting at the table reading a textbook.

“Happy birthday, Buffy! Oh. Not so happy birthday?”

“Not so much, Willow. I had a Slayer dream last night,” Buffy explained. Giles walked out of his office at that moment wearing a concerned look.

“A Slayer dream? A-and you know it was one of your prophetic dreams?” Giles asked. Buffy nodded.

“It was pretty awful, Giles. It started off with Miss Calendar there and she was talking about some mission she had and dying, but again? But then I ended up in the Bronze and there was Angel, Spike and Drusilla. Giles, I’m pretty sure they survived the church wreckage,” Buffy said. Giles tilted his head slightly as he gave it some thought.

“That is worrisome indeed. But if they are truly alive I know that you can handle them,” Giles said.

“Yeah, Buffy. We’ve already defeated them once, I’m sure we can do it again!” Willow said. Xander nodded in agreement. 

The teen wrapped her arms around her body. The soul tried to soothe her to little effect. “I’m not so sure. In the dream Drusilla staked Angel right in front of me. It felt so realistic. He just stood there and let it happen.”

“Angel wouldn’t just stand there and not fight back though!” Willow said.

“Yeah, Buff. As much as I hate to admit it, the guy is tenacious. Seems to show up even when I don’t want him to,” Xander said. Willow raised her eyebrows.

“You never want him to show up.”

“My point stands.”

“A-and Spike?” Giles asked. Buffy turned to him and felt her heart flip. The teenager had the sudden fear that he somehow knew her conflicting feelings for Spike. The soul sighed. Wasn’t that a running theme in her life?

“What about Spike?”

“What was he doing in your dream?”

Buffy shifted her body. The soul was curious as to how much of the dream she was going to reveal. Buffy stayed silent, seemingly waiting for something. _‘Hold on, is she waiting for me to tell her what to do?’_ the soul wondered. Perhaps Buffy had gotten used to the soul giving her advice that she had now expected it. That was a surprising, but welcome revelation. 

_‘You may as well tell them what happened. At least, what_ you _took from it.’_

“Spike was uh. He stood there and burst into flames. He just burned in front of me. But for some reason it was sad,” Buffy said. She averted her eyes. The teenager still felt the emotions from her dream so vividly. She quickly met eyes with Willow who looked at her with a look of concern? Almost understanding? The soul couldn’t quite tell. Giles cleared his throat.

“Well, ah. Class will be starting soon but I will start on some research on Drusilla and Spike along with my continued research on your ‘possessing friend’. Does Angel know of your dream yet?” Giles asked. Buffy gasped.

“Oh my god I haven’t told him. He’s in trouble and doesn’t even know it! What is wrong with me?”

“This dream was very stressful, Buffy. It’s perfectly understandable, especially as it is daytime. I’ll be sure to call him right away. Perhaps he can also aid in my research. Let’s all meet back here at 7pm,” Giles said. Buffy nodded softly and left the library with Willow and Xander. 

The rest of the day was mostly uneventful with both Buffys unable to pay much attention in class. She tapped her foot in class and bounced her leg and played around with her pen. When she would catch Willow or Xander’s eyes they were always giving a supportive smile. Buffy tried to smile back.

The Slayer made her way home after school. While the newly seventeen-year-old tried to figure out what to do about her dream the soul, still just a bystander, waited for when they would see Angel. She was happy to see that Buffy had been uncertain about her all consuming ‘love’ for Angel. However, she wasn’t sure that this was enough to stop her young self from making a large mistake and sleeping with Angel. Stupid, stupid teenagers!

Once it was 7pm Buffy was back at the school. She was walking down the hall to the library when she heard a voice calling for her.

“Buffy!”

The teenager turned around to see Miss Calendar standing by the school entrance.

“Miss Calendar! What are you doing here?” Buffy asked. _‘Uh, she works here? Come on, Buffy.’_

“Finding you. Rupert said that you would be here. He asked for me to tell you to meet him somewhere else; he gave me an address.”

“Oh. Um, thanks Miss Calendar.”

“Here, let me drive you,” she offered. Buffy nodded and followed the computer teacher to her car. The soul suddenly was hit with an idea. Jenny had appeared in Buffy’s dream the night before. Perhaps she could nudge her for some information. Learn that Angel’s soul has an escape clause and avoid the whole mess. Yes. Good thinking, Buffy.

_‘Ask her why she was in your dream. What is her mission, huh? Don’t you want to know?’_

Buffy fidgeted as she put on her seat belt. She turned to look at her teacher. Miss Calendar noticed Buffy staring at the side of her head. The woman gave a small sigh and turned to face her.

“Buffy. What is it?”

“Miss Calendar, I uh. You see, I had a dream last night. A-a Slayer dream. All prophetic and cryptic-like,” Buffy stammered. Miss Calendar started to drive out of the parking lot. 

“Yes, Rupert mentioned that earlier. Why do you bring it up?” 

“Well you see, I. I mean I’m not saying anything of the sort! It might not even really _mean_ anything I mean it _is_ a dream and all…”

“Buffy. You can tell me,” she said gently. Buffy took a deep breath.

“Okay. So in my dream, well. You were there.” At this Miss Calendar’s grip on the steering wheel tightened. Buffy didn’t notice it but the soul certainly did.

“I was?”

“Yeah. You said that something was your fault and that you failed your mission. And then you asked me if I would let you die again. It was weird, to say the least.”

“That is weird,” Miss Calendar agreed. A silence fell inside the car.

_‘Ask her about it!’_

“Is uh. Is there some sort of mission that I should know about?” Buffy asked. 

“Mission? Not that I know of.” The teacher kept her eyes glued to the road ahead of her. The soul could feel Buffy’s resolve starting to slip.

_‘She’s lying!’_

“Miss Calendar, don’t lie to me. Please. What is the mission?” Buffy pleaded. Miss Calendar took a deep breath. She stayed quiet during her left-hand turn.

“Buffy. I haven’t been completely truthful with you. With any of you. But that’s not because I mean you any harm. Honestly, I’m trying to prevent any harm from falling on you.”

“So you’ve been lying to us?”

“Please, Buffy. Let me finish. But yes, in a sense you could call me a liar. I’m a techno-pagan but I am also from the Kalderash people. The clan of people that Angel massacred. We are the ones that cursed him with his soul. I was sent here to try to keep him from being happy; to keep you two apart. I never meant to hurt you.”

“How the _hell_ is that not hurting me? Haven’t you realized that I love him?” Buffy demanded. The teenager’s rage began to bubble. She was furious at Miss Calendar for keeping this from her. It felt like a betrayal to her. The soul wanted to shake sense back into the girl. _‘She doesn’t mean you any harm!’_

The car came to a stop; they were outside of the Bronze.

“I know that you love him. But Angel’s soul? It’s not permanent. The curse is to prevent happiness. If he experiences happiness - true, pure, absolute happiness - the curse will break and he will lose his soul,” she explained.

“ _Bullshit!_ ” Buffy cried.

“Buffy, that’s why you can’t get too close to Angel. You’re already too close to him, you can’t -” The two were interrupted by a crash. In front of them was a truck with some vampires trying to put something in it. Buffy jumped out of the car.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Buffy asked. The vampires turned to see her and cursed. Buffy immediately recognized them as Spike’s minions. With a quick push off the ground she jumped and used the momentum to deliver a powerful punch to the face of one of the vamps. He immediately hit the ground. Furious, she kicked him in his side repeatedly. The Slayer was interrupted by the sound of the truck starting up.

“Oh no you don’t!”

One of the vampires who had dropped the wooden box from before was putting it into the truck. He yelled over to the vampire with glasses in the driver’s seat.

“Don’t let her get this piece! We have to complete the Judge!” he cried. Right as he secured the truck door Buffy grabbed the back of his shirt and slammed him into the truck. The vampire screamed in pain. She pulled him back and pushed him again into the truck but ended up throwing both of them to the ground: the truck had started driving away. Buffy, still on top of the other vampire, staked him quickly. 

“Look out!” Miss Calendar yelled out. Buffy turned to see the first vampire running towards her.

 _‘This is why you always stake them before going to the next one. She must be really rattled by what Miss Calendar said,’_ the soul thought. 

Buffy dodged his attack and delivered a kick to his midsection. The vampire was thrown over the loading bay and through the window of the Bronze. The Slayer followed through the broken window and plunged her stake into his heart. After he burst into dust she looked up to see the Scoobies, Oz, and Cordelia staring right back at her. There was a table with food and paper decorations.

“Surprise?” Cordelia called out.

“Did anyone else see that guy explode?” Oz asked.

“He was a vampire, Buffy’s the Slayer or whatever. They go all dusty when killed. It’s a whole thing,” Cordelia explained.

“I… What’s going on?” Buffy asked. She looked over to Giles for help. He took off his glasses.

“I-it’s a surprise party for ah, for your seventeenth birthday,” he said. Angel walked over to the teenager and placed his hand on her shoulder.

“Is everything okay?” Angel asked. 

“I think so. They got away with some box though. They talked about some Judge guy,” Buffy said. Giles paled.

“Did you say the Judge?” he asked. 

“This is bad,” Angel added. Buffy frowned.

“Either of you willing to get with the explaining?” she asked. 

“Th-the Judge, you see. It is a terrible demon intent on destroying all humanity in the world, leaving behind only evil. It could not be destroyed by any weapon or army. So it was cut into pieces and scattered across the world as to prevent it from being reassembled. Buffy, we must find out how much of the Judge has been assembled,” Giles explained.

 _‘They have all of it. Forget your plans on sleeping with fucking Angel and get Xander to help you steal that rocket launcher,’_ the soul instructed. Unfortunately, Buffy wasn’t in much of a listening mood.

“Then I’ll go do that,” Buffy said.

“You can’t go alone!” Willow said. Xander nodded.

“Yeah, what if this Judge Judy is all put together already?” he added.

“This isn’t an ‘eliminate the threat’ mission, just a recon mission. I’ll slip in, check it out, and leave straight away.”

“I’m going with you,” Angel said. The soul rolled her eyes. 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea ?” Miss Calendar asked. Buffy turned to see the teacher standing at the edge of the room. The soul could feel Buffy’s rage towards her. _‘Give her a break. Do NOT be a bitch!’_

“I don’t really care what you think right now. Angel, let’s go,” Buffy said. 

The two left the Bronze swiftly and made their way towards the factory. Young Buffy finally actually _listened_ to her soul and was incredibly quiet while investigating the factory. She lay on her stomach and peered down at the event below. Yeah, she saw ugly blue guy. But Buffy also spied Drusilla. And in a wheelchair rolling around was Spike. The soul held back a cry. She held immense guilt for putting him in such a state. The older Buffy didn’t notice that the reason she was able to continuously stare at Spike was because young Buffy was following Spike’s movements.

“Come on!” Angel hissed in a whisper, breaking Buffy from her trance. The two of them quietly left the factory unnoticed. As they walked away Angel turned to her.

“Buffy. Do you mind coming back to my place? I uh, I want to give you your birthday present,” he said. The soul screamed at the teenager.

_‘NO. You will NOT. You will say no and you will go to your watcher and tell him that the Judge is put together.’_

Buffy placed her hand on Angel’s chest. The soul felt her uncertainty. Her confusion. How Buffy wasn’t completely sure about doing this.

_‘Then DO NOT DO IT! Listen to me! Listen to what Miss Calendar told you!’_

* * *

Buffy stood there looking up at Angel at what seemed centuries. She knew what he was saying. She knew that if she went with him everything would change between them. It was a big decision and terrifying at that. But she was tired of being unsure. She knew her feelings for Angel were true love, they had to be. She knew Miss Calendar couldn’t be right. She trusted her instincts. She had to believe in her Slayer instincts... right? She was going to sleep with Angel and then it would prove that she loved him, that she didn’t have any real feelings for Spike, and everything would make sense again. That’s what girls her age _did_ and she knew that Angel wanted it so badly.

“Yes, let’s go back to your place,” Buffy said. 

She aggressively ignored the upset feeling deep inside as she slipped into Angel’s bed. It was stupid, she would be fine. They would have sex and she would lose her virginity to her true love and it would be beautiful and her feelings would stop being so confused.

It’s not like sleeping with Angel would cause the world to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angelus just had to happen, okay. He's my favourite Big Bad so here he is. MWUAHAHAHA
> 
> Also I love love LOVE writing Slayer dreams! They're a lot of fun :3


	8. Morning After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some dialogue from _Innocence_ , written by Joss Whedon

Buffy awoke, slowly shifting in the bed. Her eyebrows furrowed when she realized that the only weight in the bed was her own. Cautiously, Buffy opened her eyes. She was alone in the bed. Where was Angel? He should be there with her. She had given him everything to prove her love to him. Everything was supposed to be right in the world now, right? She had opened herself up to her soulmate and they would have their happily ever after.

So why was she alone in his bed? Where was the happily ever after?

Buffy sat up in the bed and looked around the dim room. Empty. She spied her clothing discarded on the floor, forgotten, like her- No, not forgotten. Not discarded. Nope. She quickly but silently dressed herself. Her internal body clock told her that dawn was close but had not yet come. Dressed, she walked around the apartment.

“Angel?”

Silence answered her like a slap in the face. She sucked back a sob. She wasn’t going to cry. Angel wouldn’t have left her. There was an explanation for his actions, right? Right. There had to be. She wouldn’t even entertain what her soul was suggesting. She couldn’t.

Gently she opened the door to the street. She looked out at the dark street and saw a figure standing there.

“Angel? Is that you?”

He turned towards her. Was something different about him? He was smiling but it wasn’t a smile that she had ever seen on his face before. There was something behind it, something she didn’t know. 

“Buffy. I didn’t know that you had woken up already,” he said.

“Angel, why did you leave? What’s going on? Is everything okay?”

“Well, yeah. I was going to take off. You don’t think I really wanted to stick around after that, did you?” Buffy’s body froze and her chest became too tight for her lungs.

“What? I-I don’t understand.”

“You’ve got a lot to learn about men, kid. Listen, let’s not make a big deal out of it, okay? Actually, let’s just not mention it at all.”

“Was it me? Was I not good?” Buffy trembled. Everything was simultaneously happening too quickly and painfully slow. She didn’t understand what was happening. Angel gave a half smile and took a few steps towards the girl.

“You? Oh no. You were like a pro, it was great. A good time. Just a bit of fun. Nothing major”

“Nothing major? This is really major. I wasn’t, this was supposed to be-”

“Supposed to be what? Fireworks? Bells ringing? True love? Oh, Buffy. You really are a little girl,” he said. The vampire began to laugh. Buffy was overwhelmed. How could this be happening? How could this be true? What had happened? It wasn’t supposed to be like this. This was supposed to cement their relationship as fate. 

“B-but I love you,” Buffy whispered. Angel smiled. 

“Love you too. I’ll call you,” he said. The man turned around and began to walk away. Buffy stood immobilized. What was she supposed to do? Something inside her was screaming for her to move, to do anything, but the girl simply watched him disappear into the distance. There was nothing she  _ could _ do. She was an empty shell.

_ ‘Okay, my turn.’ _

* * *

The soul not only watched Buffy fall apart but also felt her will break. Buffy needed to warn Giles, revoke Angel’s invitation to her house, to  _ move _ . But she did nothing. The soul wanted to scream. Instead she pushed against Buffy’s consciousness looking for an opening. If the teenager was unable to move then maybe the soul could move for her. She continued to push against the broken, shattered consciousness until…

_ There. _

She broke through and once again felt her essence filling the teenager’s limbs. She took a deep breath and exhaled. It shouldn’t have been this easy. The younger Buffy had given up to the soul almost instantly. She was defeated.

“It’s okay, Buffy. We’re getting out of here,” she said quietly. The older Buffy quickly turned and ran to Giles’s apartment. Thankfully, he lived fairly close by. She was pretty sure that Giles wouldn’t be at the school quite yet. The experienced Slayer quickly banged on his door. 

“Giles, Giles open the door  _ now! _ ” Buffy yelled. She continued to bang on the door for another minute when the door opened. Her watcher opened the door with a question on his face. He had bags under his eyes and his hair was disheveled. Clearly she had woken him up.

“Buffy, there you are. Where were you? Why are you here so early?” he asked. Buffy entered his home and went straight to his kitchen. It felt so weird but so right being able to move around in his flat. So much happened in this space. It was like she had woken up in the middle of a dream. Holy shit, that was the chair that she and Spike shared when they were ‘engaged’ during Willow’s will be done spell. She hadn’t thought of that in years. 

“Buffy?”

Right. Reminiscing about shoving her tongue down Spike’s throat later. Dealing with Angelus now. She stopped staring at the chair and made her way into the kitchen. Even though it had been decades Buffy still felt fairly comfortable in his kitchen. The experienced Slayer turned on his kettle and opened up the cupboards. She didn’t quite remember where he kept the tea.

“English Breakfast, right?” she asked. Giles fiddled with his glasses.

“Y-yes, I wasn’t aware that you had paid attention to my ah, choice of tea in the morning and, wait. Buffy, what is going on?” 

“Giles. Angel lost his soul,” she said. Giles stared at her incredulously.

“W-what?”

“Angel. He lost his soul. He’s not ‘Angel’ anymore, he’s Angelus. We need to have a Scooby meeting with everyone. Miss Calendar and Oz and Cordelia included. Pronto,” Buffy said. She felt the younger Buffy begin to ‘wake up’, in a sense. Shit.

“Buffy, I’m not quite sure I fully understand-”

“Giles. Listen. I uh, I don’t have as much time as I thought I would. Miss Calendar has to be there, she knows everything about how he lost his soul and why. I know Buffy is mad at her or something but everyone has to listen to her until the end.”

“What do you mean you don’t have much time? Buffy, what is going on?” Giles asked. Buffy grunted. There wasn’t much time left.

“Giles I can’t get into it right now just _ please _ trust me.”

“You’re  _ sure _ that Angel has lost his soul?”

“ _ Yes _ oh my god. Can’t you- oh! There’s a charm you can do to make souls visible, Tara showed me that once. You can totally do that,” Buffy said. Giles stammered, overwhelmed by so much at once before his morning tea. The older Slayer felt her control breaking and the younger Buffy’s will pushing against her. 

“I’m not quite sure about that-”

“ _ Ripper, just do it! _ ” she spat out with the last of her energy. Younger Buffy ejected the soul’s essence, forcing it back into place. The teenager doubled over, panting heavily. Clearly it had been an effort to overtake the soul as fast as she did. Giles ran over to his Slayer and placed his hands on her shoulders.

“Buffy, Buffy are you okay?” he asked. Buffy looked up at him with tearful eyes.

“I… I did this,” she said quietly. The girl wrapped her arms around Giles and cried softly. Bless poor Giles’s heart: he was so confused but comforted the girl in front of him anyway. At the sound of the kettle going off Buffy released her grip and sniffed back her tears. Giles walked over and started to prepare his tea for his travel mug. 

“Could uh, could you please call everyone?” Buffy asked.

“Of course.” The watcher clearly had questions but refrained from asking. The soul was impressed at how well he was handling such a strange start to his morning. Giles made Buffy a cup of tea to nurse while he called the Scoobies. The teenager stared at her reflection in the drink in front of her. Her thoughts were swirling. The soul sent Buffy feelings of comfort. Yes, Miss Calendar had partially warned the teenager but how was she really supposed to know what was going to happen? What seventeen-year-old would honestly expect that sleeping with her boyfriend would cause him to lose his soul and become evil? The young Slayer was being way too hard on herself, the soul decided.

Giles placed his hand on Buffy’s arm gently. “It’s time for us to go,” he said quietly. Buffy simply nodded. Dawn had broken out over Sunnydale, bringing with it a small sense of safety to the girl. Things were always a bit easier in daylight. They got into the watcher’s car and began the drive to school.

“Buffy, about what you said earlier-”

“That wasn’t me,” Buffy said firmly. Giles stole a quick glance at her.

“What is it that you mean by that?”

“You know that possess-y thing from before? I… I was frozen. I couldn’t do  _ anything _ . I just broke. So she took over, seemed to just like, know what to do. Took me straight to you.”

“So this ah, this entity somehow knew that Angel had lost his soul?”

“Yeah. Before I did.”

“And you believe it?”

“Completely. I don’t know how, but she knew, Giles. She’s all like knowing-stuff-girl,” Buffy said. Giles looked over his Slayer for a moment. He took a deep breath.

“Alright, then. I’ll trust it as well, for now.”

* * *

Cordelia and Xander were the last to arrive at the library that morning. Cordelia was complaining about being woken up so early and Xander was complaining about her complaining. Buffy quietly watched them take their seats and waited for them to shut up. They did not. 

Giles cleared his throat.

“Right. We’re here for one reason: Angel no longer has his soul,” he said. The others gasped.

“What? How is that even possible?” Willow asked. Miss Calendar shifted uncomfortably.

“A good question, Willow. How  _ is  _ that possible? Perhaps you could fill us in, Jenny?” Giles asked. The group turned their attention to her. She looked only at Buffy who’s green eyes stared back at her.

“Yeah, Miss Calendar. I recall you telling me something about it last night,” she said in a calm but firm voice. 

“Listen, this is not how I wanted it to come out,” she began. “I didn’t tell any of you at first because I thought it was the right thing. I only recently learned the details of the curse myself.”

“Curse? What curse?” Cordelia asked.

“Angel. He was cursed with his soul after murdering some Romanian clan. Nice guy, huh?” Xander explained.

“Your clan,” Buffy said.

“Yes, my clan: the Kalderash. I was sent to keep watch over Angel and ensure that he was suffering for what he did to us. I was told that I could not let him know happiness and to keep my identity secret. I never, I never expected to become so close to you all. Emotionally, I mean.” She broke her gaze with Buffy to look at Giles. “I never expected to fall in love.”

“So you knew that Angel could lose his soul and you didn’t think that this was something that we should know?” Willow asked sharply. Buffy looked over at her best friend. Willow was thriving in Miss Calendar’s computer class and Buffy knew that she had been forming a particularly close relationship with the teacher. This could not be easy for her to be hearing. 

“I didn’t know, okay? I wasn’t told until recently that he would lose his soul by experiencing true happiness. Trust me, I would have told you sooner if I knew.”

“Trust you? After all this?” Xander scoffed.

“She’s telling the truth,” Buffy said. The group turned to her. She was embarrassed to tell them about what had happened but she knew deep inside that she had to. 

“Last night, on the way to my surprise party. Miss Calendar tried to warn me to stay away from Angel and that he couldn’t have true happiness. I didn’t want to believe her. But she was right.”

“How did he get with the happy-” Xander stopped himself in the middle of speaking. The group fell into silence, understanding what it was exactly that had happened with Buffy and Angel. Buffy averted her gaze to the floor. Shame overwhelmed her. She was so stupid. How could she have done such a thing? She should have known better. She wasn’t a child anymore. So why had she acted like one?

Xander broke the silence with a cough. “So uh, how can you even tell that someone has a soul, anyway? I mean is there even proof that Cordelia has one? OW!” Cordelia smacked Xander’s shoulder. Buffy suddenly sat up and turned to Giles. Hadn’t the possess-y thing mentioned something like this to Giles? The watcher seemed to be thinking the exact same thing as Buffy. 

“A-actually, there’s a fairly simple charm that can be used to reveal a person’s soul,” Giles explained. Willow seemed to perk up at this. She was always interested in anything mystical, magical, whatever related.

“Could you show us?” she asked. Giles adjusted his glasses.

“Well, you see. I have the materials needed for such a charm but I don’t know exactly 

how to perform it. I would need to look it up,” he explained. Willow seemed to deflate at the news.

“I actually know how to do it,” Miss Calendar said. The group turned to her. “That is,” she said, “if you’re okay with me doing it.”

“Do it,” Buffy said. Miss Calendar nodded. She and Giles gathered the materials together and placed them in front of Cordelia. She chanted softly in a language that Buffy didn’t recognize and sprinkled some sort of powder out of a small satchel. There was a flash, and then Buffy saw a glowing orb seemingly inside of Cordelia’s chest. It was a pulsing white light that illuminated the entire room.

“Wow,” Oz said simply.

“It’s beautiful,” Willow said. Xander simply stared slack jawed. Cordelia puffed out her chest at the comments. Miss Calendar did a hand motion in front of Cordelia, ending the light show. Buffy felt a strange urge within her that she needed Miss Calendar to show Buffy her own soul. The Slayer wasn’t quite sure why this was, but the feeling was almost overpowering. The first warning bell for class rang.

“Oh, I almost forgot. Buffy, last night,” her watcher began. She winced at his words.

“Can we not-”

“Oh, no. I mean, you went to see how much of the Judge had been completed. Were you able to ascertain their progress?” Giles asked.

“Oh right, I forgot all about him,” Willow admitted sheepishly.

“Big blue is all assembled. Drusilla and Spike are both alive.”

“You’re kidding me. They survived the church? They must be the cockroaches of the underworld,” Xander said.

“We must try to find a way to stop him. A-a weakness of sorts. I’ll start researching immediately. I expect all of you to come by after school as well,” Giles said. The students agreed and left the library. As Miss Calendar began to leave Buffy grabbed her arm. The teacher looked at her with wide eyes. Maybe she used a bit too much of her strength. 

“Miss Calendar. At lunch, I want you to do that soul charm for me,” she said. Miss Calendar raised her eyebrows at the request.

“ _ Please _ .” Miss Calendar nodded.

“Y-yeah. Sure. Come by my classroom at lunch then.”

* * *

The moment Buffy’s last morning class ended she practically sprinted to Miss Calendar’s classroom, much to the urging that the soul gave. Students were still exiting her classroom by the time Buffy had arrived. She tapped her foot on the ground impatiently, glaring at the stragglers. Once the last student left the classroom Buffy closed the door behind her. She and Miss Calendar were alone. Finally, the soul thought. If this went the way she thought it would, it would be her chance to have a proper conversation.

“I’m not saying that I won’t do this, Buffy. But I am curious as to why you want me to do this for you.” Buffy grabbed a chair from a nearby desk and sat down facing the teacher.

“I just… I feel like I need this done. I can’t explain, but this is important,” she said.  _ ‘Damn right it’s important.’ _ Miss Calendar sighed.

“Okay. Sit still over here,” she said, gesturing to an empty place at her desk. Buffy obliged. The soul noticed young Buffy trying to not reveal how nervous she really was as Miss Calendar gathered the various herbs together. She placed them in front of Buffy, seemingly facing her. Then she took out the small satchel from before.

Miss Calendar chanted like before. She sprinkled some of the powder from her satchel.

There was a bright flash. And then all of Buffy’s entire body seemed to emit a soft glow. Miss Calendar gasped, clearly shocked. Immediately the soul felt herself in complete control, without any effort from her end.

“I, I don’t understand. What does this even  _ mean _ ?” she asked. The older Slayer stretched out her limbs and rolled her neck. 

“Oh yeah, this is what I’m talking about. Twice in one day!” Miss Calendar remained staring, her eyes as big as saucers. Buffy gave a sheepish smile.

“Sorry, this is just really nice. I wasn’t sure this would work, you see. But here we are! With the moving and talking and everything. Seriously, thank you, Jenny. Is it okay if I call you Jenny?”

“Uh, sure,” she answered.

“Perfect! So since you have you actually end the spell, I have  _ way _ more time than earlier this morning. We didn’t tell you guys before, but early this morning I had a very brief conversation with Giles before this Buffy took control again,” Buffy said. 

“Wait. Hold on, who are you?” Jenny asked, clearly suspicious of Buffy. She began to stand up. Buffy raised up her hands.

“Hold up! No, it’s not what you think. I promise you. I’m Buffy. I mean I’m not  _ your _ Buffy, well I guess I kinda am cause I’m part of her now, but I’m still me.”

“You’re that possessing entity? Rupert had mentioned that he was researching a way to get in contact with it safely.”

“No! Well, yeah. Kind of? It’s kinda complicated as all hell. See, what happened is that-” Buffy’s throat suddenly closed up. What the hell?

“Why can’t I- oh, no. I can still speak. Then why can’t I say that I-” Again, the words became trapped in Buffy’s mouth. She couldn’t physically tell Jenny that she was from the future. Maybe she had to try a different tactic, tell her that she’s an older version of Buffy.

“Okay, let’s try that again. I’m Buffy, but-” Nope. The words remained trapped. Buffy screeched and slammed her hands against her thighs. Cordelia did  _ NOT _ mention this being part of the deal with the Powers. The  _ fucking _ Powers That Be, of  _ course  _ they would have some sort of “no telling that you’re from the future” clause.

“What’s going on?” Jenny asked cautiously. Buffy looked up at her teacher. How was she supposed to explain that she wasn’t a threat and was honestly trying to help without telling her about being a soul sent from the future by Cordelia of all people? She took a deep breath and carefully considered her words.

“Alright, so there is a… reason, that I can’t fully explain everything. You see what happens when I do.” The teacher nodded slowly. Alright, good start.

“I am a part of Buffy. I’m also Buffy. I’m not a threat to her or anyone else that she loves. I’m here… to help her.” Miss Calendar tilted her head and looked at Buffy carefully.

“And you’re somehow attached or affiliated with her soul,” she remarked. The older Buffy’s eyes lit up. She jumped from her seat in excitement. 

“EXACTLY!” Oh thank god. Other people could try to suss it out, she just couldn’t say anything herself directly. Alright. Buffy could work with this.

“You’re attached to the soul, and able to in certain scenarios control Buffy’s body. So I would take a guess as to say that you’re a Slayer spirit of sorts.” Buffy frowned. 

“I… guess?”

“That’s just what makes the most sense.”

“Fair enough. That’s probably the closest you’re going to get so for arguments sake let’s stick with ‘Slayer spirit’.”

“Alright.”

“So since I’m all spirit-girl, I’m  _ not _ trying to hurt Buffy at all. Honestly, I’m trying my god damn best to help her out but she’s still just a kid. Doing that whole ‘rebellious teenager’ thing they love so much,” Buffy said. She rolled her eyes, making Jenny laugh despite herself.

“So I have another reason why I wanted to talk to you like this. It’s about Angelus. He-” Again, the words died in Buffy’s mouth. She couldn’t tell anyone what would happen in the future, either? What the  _ fuck _ . She took a deep breath. Buffy just needed to find a way to tell her without telling her.

“Sorry. I have… restrictions, of a sort. Anyway. Because Angelus no longer has a soul, but he’s still Angel, he can probably still go to places he’s been invited to, right?” Buffy began.

“Right. Oh no. Buffy, your home!”

“I know. And not just my home. That’s why we have to find a disinvite spell quickly and secure our homes before it’s too late. The school however, is a public building. So he can still come here, right?”

“Right.”

“So it’s really important that all of us,  _ all of us _ , no matter what, are never alone at the school after dark. Do you understand?” Buffy asked. The teacher nodded her head. Buffy practically collapsed in relief. 

“Good. Now, could you do me one last favour?” Buffy asked. 

“Depends what it is.”

“Good answer. There are some things I want to tell Buffy. She’s able to hear this whole conversation but there’s some things I need only her to hear. Could you give us some privacy for just a few minutes before you end the charm?” Miss Calendar eyed Buffy. The older Slayer didn’t back down.

“Fine. Only a few minutes though,” she said. Buffy smiled and watched her leave the classroom. She sat alone with her younger self.

“Alright. I know you have a lot of questions. And as you may have noticed, sometimes I’m not able to say the words I want. So you’re not able to get all of the answers even if I wanted to tell you.” She let the words settle for a moment.

“First let's get this out of the way: you shouldn’t beat yourself up over Angel losing his soul. How were you honestly supposed to know that this would happen? Yes, I know Miss Calendar warned you but she didn’t explicitly say ‘sex with Angel will cause him to loose his soul’. If anyone, it should be me who should be feeling the most guilt. I should have tried harder to steer you away from him but I just didn’t have it in me to hurt you in that way. And you being a stubborn as hell teenager who acts on her feelings definitely didn’t help. At all. But there’s only so much to do when it’s your first love,” she said. The older Buffy sighed and looked out the window.

“I had honestly forgotten what it felt like until I joined you. Even though I don’t like Angel and I didn’t want you to be with him, I still felt your emotions so strongly. I couldn’t just ignore it. I want you to be happy. It brings me joy. But I still feel like I failed you and should have worked harder to stop this from happening. So I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry, Buffy.” She took a steading breath and let the words settle within her.

“Oh, but another thing: don’t feel like a failure if you feel unable to kill Angelus right away. You love him. I know that right now you still do. It doesn’t just turn itself off immediately.

“Which leads us to the second point: Spike. Oh yeah. We’re going there.” Buffy got up and began to pace around the room.

“You’ve got some feelings for him. It seems wrong. He’s a soulless demon oh no the horror how dare you find him hot as hell!” Buffy waved her arms in the air in mock horror. “I don’t care what Giles or Angel or anyone on the Council has told you: soulless beings  _ can _ love, alright? I mean fuck, just look at how devoted Spike is to Drusilla. He loves her. Just because he doesn’t feel guilt for eating people doesn’t mean that he can’t love.” Buffy picked up a pen and began to play with it, twirling it around her fingers.

“I’m not going to say that you should trust him, because right now if he had the chance I think he would try to kill you. But he’s also fairly personable. He’s a vampire but he’s still a man. Just… don’t be afraid of your feelings, okay? I’m here for you. We’re a team, alright? So when you hear that little voice in your head? What kind of feels like your conscious? That’s me. I’m doing my best to help, okay? I love us. I will always, always support you,” she said. Buffy gave herself a hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've wanted to get to this conversation for soooo long! And it turns out that Buffy can't just tell everyone the future. Damn those PTB, haha


	9. (Don't) Trust

Giles was surrounded by books when Buffy entered the library after school. He looked up at his Slayer.

“Ah, hello Buffy.”

“Found anything?”

“Unfortunately not. It appears that all of the texts that reference the demon say basically the same thing: that he is unable to be destroyed by any army or weapon forged. Hence the reason why his body was cut into pieces and scattered across the world in an attempt to prevent this very event from occurring,” Giles said. Buffy sat down at her seat and pouted. She was hoping that her watcher had found a weakness so then she wouldn’t have to do the book thing. Not that she wouldn’t do it, just that Buffy wasn’t great at research. And there were few things she disliked more than going through old books written in some dead language trying to find a snippet of information that most of the time they didn’t even have. Why couldn’t this be easier? At least it was distracting her from what that Slayer spirit thingy said to her earlier.

“It’s too bad other Buffy can’t just tell us what to do,” she complained. Giles raised his eyebrows.

“Other Buffy?”

At that moment the doors to the library opened revealing Oz, of all people.

“Hey guys. Willow’s not here yet?” Oz asked. Buffy shook her head.

“Not yet. We’re Willow-less at the moment. But I’m sure she’ll be here soon. She wouldn’t miss a research session for the world. Which is good, considering the world is kinda in danger of ending if we can’t figure something out,” Buffy said. Oz stood there for a moment, seeming to let the words soak in.

“I’m kinda new to this whole ‘Sunnydale is on the mouth of hell’ thing, but I’ll try my best to keep us on the less dead side,” he said. Giles gave no delay in giving the senior student one of his heavy tomes.

“Yes, well, I can imagine this must be a bit much but we greatly appreciate your efforts,” he said. Buffy smiled. Willow, Xander, and Cordelia soon entered the library as well. Miss Calendar also joined after she had locked up her room. As the group began to fall into the research zone Buffy suddenly stood up, startling the group.

“I can’t believe I forgot!”

“F-forgot? Forgot what, exactly?” Giles asked.

“That we can’t stay here when it’s dark!” Buffy said. The group turned to her.

“And why would that be? Not that I really want to spend any more time than necessary with you guys,” Cordelia said.

“Angel. The school is a public place so he can come here and hurt us. Actually, we should figure out a way to un-invite him from our homes, too. I’m not letting him hurt any of you,” Buffy said in her Slayer voice. She wasn’t going to let her mistake be the undoing of her friends. The group seemed to be agreeable to her suggestion.

“Very insightful of you, Buffy,” Giles said.

“Of _you_ , huh?” Miss Calendar said with a raised eyebrow. Buffy gave her a glare. She needed to remind Miss Calendar that she still wasn’t happy with how she had kept her background a secret from the rest of the Scoobies. Besides, Buffy would have figured it out anyway, right?

Something within her, probably that stupid spirit thing, told her no. Buffy attempted to send it a message of ‘I’m rolling my eyes’. 

“Oh my god, we have to disinvite Angel from my car! He’s been in my car!” Cordelia screeched. Xander rolled his eyes.

“Ah yes, because his entire master plan all rests on him hiding out in your _car_ ,” he said.

“You think so too? Giles, you _have_ to get on this like, ASAP.”

“Right, well I’ll be sure to do so if we aren’t first all killed by the Judge,” Giles said.

“Ugh, I’m so tired about hearing about this Judge. It’s always the same deal: no weapon forged could destroy him, no army could defeat him, yadda yadda yadda. Like come up with something original!” Cordelia complained. Xander perked up suddenly.

“Whoa, hold on. I’m getting a brainwave here. Possibly even a thought,” Xander said.

“Call the presses,” Cordelia said dryly. Xander ignored her.

“More than a thought. This is a _plan_ ,” Xander said. The group turned to him.

“Would you even say that it is a cunning plan?” Oz asked. 

“I vaguely forget what that word means but I’m going with yes. Oh yeah, this is good.”

“So are you going to tell us, or…?” Buffy asked.

“No.”

“Wh-what? What do you mean, no?” Buffy asked. What the hell was Xander on, not telling her? She was the Slayer. If he had an idea of how to, you know, _slay_ the ending-the-world monster it was kind of important to know what it is. 

“I mean it’ll work better if you don’t know at the moment. No offence but uh… none of you guys are what I could call actors. Except for Oz, maybe,” Xander explained. Buffy almost said something but quickly shut her mouth. Okay, maybe he had a point. But she didn’t like this. The teenager felt a feeling of _‘trust him’_. She took a deep breath. Trust. Right. That was something she needed to do. Not just with Xander but with the spirit-thingy, too. She knew that she wasn’t the best at being all with the trusting others to help her. And maybe that wasn’t so good. Buffy had always been told so many times and in so many ways that she was ‘the one girl in all the world’ yadda yadda yadda. While she tried not to fall too deep into it she found that maybe she had internalized it a bit. Look at how well that turned out.

“Okay. I’m trusting you on this, Xander,” she said. The young man beamed at the words. It was his time to shine.

“Okay. So I need some wheels for this.”

“You better be paying for gas,” Cordelia said.

“No, something a bit bigger,” he said.

“We can take my van,” Oz said. Buffy raised her eyebrows. Oz had a van? Damn, was that ever helpful.

“That’s perfect. I still need you though, Cordelia.”

“Oh really? Is that so?” The cheerleader put her hands on her hips. Xander gave her a strange look that Buffy didn’t quite understand. She paused, waiting to see if spirit-Buffy had anything to say about it. She was annoyingly quiet.

“So uh, who’s all going to be in my van?” Oz asked.

“Honestly? The less people the better. So we only need you, me, and Cordy,” Xander said. Willow frowned at this.

“W-what if you need back up, huh? What would the rest of us be doing?” Willow asked. The red head probably wanted to feel useful but also wanted to be close to Xander and Oz. She had told Buffy earlier about her long time crush on Xander and her budding crush, possible relationship with Oz. 

“Well if Xander doesn’t require our presence I would suggest that the rest of us begin the process of figuring out how to disinvite Angel from our homes,” Giles said. Buffy perked up at this. 

“That’s perfect. I’ll go with Giles and Miss Calendar for the uninviting thing while Xander, Oz, and Cordy go wherever it is. Willow, which group will you be going with?” Buffy asked. She wasn’t blind; the Slayer had noticed her friend perk up with interest whenever magic was concerned. Willow furrowed her brow in thought. She was clearly conflicted.

“I’ll… I’ll do the uninviting with you,” Willow said. She turned to Oz. “I-if that’s okay,” she added. The musician smiled.

“You do you.”

“Alright. We have a plan. Give Giles a page if something goes wrong, otherwise we’ll meet here tomorrow, got it?” Buffy ordered. The Scoobies nodded and Xander’s crew left the library. Buffy looked out the window.

“I think we have about an hour of sunlight left,” she noted. 

“Right, let’s try to find this spell,” Giles said. Miss Calendar looked over to Buffy.

“Your ‘friend’ wouldn’t happen to know which book contains it, would she?” she asked. Willow turned to face the teacher.

“How would I know?” she asked. 

“No Willow, not you.”

“Then who do you mean?”

“You don’t mean-” Giles began. Buffy sighed.

“Yes. At lunch I had Miss Calendar use the soul charm on me and it turns out that what has been possessing me the whole time? Some sort of Slayer spirit thing attached to my soul or something,” she explained. Giles slammed his hand on the table.

“You did _what_?!” 

“Giles, it’s fine-” The watcher ignored Buffy. He was blinded with rage.

“You went ahead and used a spell on Buffy _without my knowledge?!_ What were you thinking? What if this was a malicious being? Th-this rash use of magic without even telling another person is grossly negligent!” Buffy had never seen her watcher so upset.

 _‘He’s scared,’_ the spirit seemed to say to Buffy. 

“Rupert, it’s a charm. You saw how it worked with Cordelia. There was no reason for me to think that it would have had any different effect with Buffy. Do you honestly think that I would have knowingly put her in danger? I am not irresponsible with my magic,” Miss Calendar explained.

“Giles, please. It’s okay. I practically made her do it,” Buffy said. Giles turned to his Slayer and his features began to soften ever so slightly.

“Buffy, I’m sure I don’t need to tell you how dangerous that could have been. You’re certain that we can trust this ah, ‘spirit’ of yours?”

“She’s done nothing to hurt us and has honestly saved me.”

“Giles, I-I don’t know much about this spirit-ness stuff but if Buffy trusts her then, then I do too! Th-though I wouldn’t mind meeting her,” Willow said. The librarian sighed.

“This discussion isn’t over. With either of you. But as Jenny asked, does this spirit of yours know where to search?” Giles asked. Buffy paused and waited for a response.

Nothing.

She frowned and shook her head. “We’ll just have to look the old fashioned way.”

* * *

They had lost track of time searching for the spell but thirty minutes after sundown Willow proudly exclaimed that she had found it. Giles and Jenny quickly went over to the red head and confirmed that yes, that was what they were looking for.

 _‘Okay, it’s past sundown, we found what we need. Let’s get the_ hell _out of here,’_ the soul demanded. Buffy seemed to be more receptive to her messages now that she knew she had a ‘Slayer spirit’ trying to help her. The teenager stood up quickly.

“Okay, perfect. It’s past sundown, let’s get out of here,” Buffy said. 

“Ah, quite right. I hadn’t noticed the time. We should hurry to our homes. Willow, Buffy, I’ll take you in my car,” Giles said. 

“R-right,” Willow said. The group left the library and made their way down the main hallway to the parking lot. Buffy paused: she heard a noise. The soul stilled. Oh _fuck_. Her younger self slowly turned around and gasped.

Angelus stood behind the group with Willow trapped in his grasp. His left arm restrained Willow’s torso while his right hand was choking her neck. Tears welled in Willow’s eyes. The soul was furious. Angelus was such a sick coward. Instead of a one-on-one fight with Buffy he tormented her friends and family. She was disgusted by his dishonourable actions.

“Let her go!” Buffy yelled. The soul quickly took stock of the situation and began to think of a way to rescue her best friend. For now she needed Buffy to keep him talking. Angelus’s laugh echoed in the corridor.

“That’s no way to say hi to your lover,” he chided.

“You aren’t Angel!” Buffy said. The vampire laughed again.

“You really are as stupid as you look. You don’t recognize me?”

“I recognize the body but you aren’t the man I fell in love with. You don’t have your soul!” Buffy yelled. The soul pushed Buffy to slowly reach into her bag and find one of her crosses. Angelus gave a wicked smile.

“And who’s fault is that, hmm? Thanks, by the way, for that. Have you told your watcher over there? Does Rupert know what an easy lay his Slayer is?” Angelus asked. Buffy inhaled sharply.

“Sh-shut up!” Buffy yelled. Angelus squeezed Willow’s neck causing her to cry out.

“I don’t think you’re in any position to make demands. But I’ll tell you what, lover. I’ll let you off this time,” he said. He whispered something into Willow’s ear which made her eyes widen. He pulled back his arm for a punch.

 _‘Now!’_ The soul screamed. Buffy threw the cross at Angelus, hitting him right before his fist hit Willow. The vampire hissed in pain letting the teenager go. Buffy ran over to her best friend, helping her up and pushed her away to safety. Angel, recovered from the cross, gripped Buffy’s shoulders. The teenager looked up into his dark eyes. She froze for that moment.

“This is just the beginning,” he said. Then he aggressively kissed Buffy on the temple and pushed her onto the floor before making his escape. Buffy sat on the floor in shock. She knew that Angel had changed and believed the older Buffy when she said that he no longer had a soul. But it was another thing to experience this different Angel and see him threaten the people she loved. The soul tried to send comfort to the teenager.

Giles placed a gentle hand on Buffy’s back. “Buffy, Willow is safe. We should go,” he said softly. Buffy nodded. He helped her up from the floor and quickly fled to the parking lot. Before getting into Giles’s car Willow grabbed Buffy’s shirt.

“Buffy, I-I don’t want to be alone in the uh, in the back seat if that’s okay,” she said. Buffy hugged Willow tight.

“Of course,” she said. The two climbed into the old car and after buckling up held each other's hands. Giles said something to Jenny before getting into the car. The three sat in silence for a few moments while Giles drove.

“Buffy,” Willow began, “he whispered to me that he would kill me first.”

“He won’t. I promise,” Buffy said. The soul agreed. There was no way that they would let Angelus kill any of the Scoobies this time.

* * *

The next day Buffy received the greatest birthday present she could have ever wanted: a god damn rocket launcher. Holy crap. Buffy had no idea that Xander remembered his military mojo from Halloween and when would she have ever had a chance to even _touch_ a rocket launcher, let alone use one? She had to admit that it was really smart: the Judge couldn’t be destroyed by any weapons from like, back in the 1100s or whenever the hell. Weapons had come a _long_ way. 

Buffy also felt much more relieved after uninviting Angel from her, Willow’s, and Giles’s houses. She was exceptionally worried for Willow. Angel’s threat to her best friend put her on edge. She hadn’t fully realized the danger that a soulless Angel posed until she saw him clutching Willow’s throat. It was that moment that suddenly everything became real. No one was safe. Her boyfriend, the man she loved, was no longer. Instead a demon of pure evil had taken over. She noted that the spirit thing didn’t contradict any of these thoughts. It was obvious that she wasn’t a fan of Angel. Buffy was really beginning to understand why.

After school the Scoobies agreed that at sundown they would show up to the factory to destroy the Judge. The group met up a block away from the factory. Buffy rounded up the troops, so to say.

“Alright. Is everyone ready? Birthday present ready?” she asked. Xander smiled.

“Locked and loaded,” he said. Buffy nodded. 

“Alright. Let’s go. Be careful,” Buffy instructed. The group followed carefully. At the entrance Buffy took a few deep breaths. She was ready to do this. Okay, okay. One. Two. Three.

Buffy kicked open the factory door. She quickly looked around to see absolutely nothing of note. There were some boxes in the middle of the open room, probably where the Judge was once in pieces. Empty goblets stained with blood were on the empty table. There was no sign of life or unlife. 

“So where’s this judge of yours?” Cordelia asked. Buffy narrowed her eyes at her.

“He was supposed to be here!” 

“And clearly he’s not.”

“Where else would they have gone?” Giles thought out loud. 

“Let’s look around, see if there are any clues. You know, since we are the Scoobies,” Xander said. Cordelia rolled her eyes. Buffy simply nodded and the group spread apart. She looked around but found nothing out of place. There was nothing that seemed to hint at where the vampires could have gone. The Slayer felt something in her trying to get her attention. She paused and tried to focus. Maybe if she tried using that supernatural sense of her’s?

Closing her eyes, Buffy let her senses heighten. Those familiar vampire tinglies stood up the hairs on the back of her neck. She turned around to the battered wall behind her. Through a hole she saw blue eyes staring right at her. They kept their eyes locked for a second that lasted years. She could call out for help from her friends. She could break the wall down herself and attack the crippled vampire. She could run around the corner towards him with one of her many stakes. She could easily kill the Slayer of Slayers, William the Bloody, right then and there, Buffy thought. She could have and should have.

Instead she placed a finger on her lips silently, signaling to him to stay quiet. Spike’s eyes widened in confusion and he raised an eyebrow. She felt her heart constrict at that gesture. It confused her, the feeling that it gave her and the whole not-wanting-him-dead thing. Why was she even doing this for him? Was it the spirit thing doing it? Buffy rolled her shoulders back and confirmed that yes, she was still the one fully in control of her body. She still had time. She could still kill him.

“Anything over there, Buffster?” Xander called out.

“Nope, a whole lot of absolutely nothing,” Buffy replied, keeping her eyes firmly locked with Spike’s. She gave him a nod which he slowly returned. Buffy then turned around to where the Scoobies were gathering. It was just because she didn’t want a cheap shot, she rationalized. It was just a, what was it that he said before? Professional courtesy or whatever. Yeah. She could go with that. 

Wait. She could have asked Spike where the Judge was. But now she couldn’t do it without revealing that she had known that he was there and wasn’t willing to kill him. And they’d expect her to kill him afterwards anyway. Why shouldn’t she?

She found that she didn’t have an answer for that.

Buffy sighed joining the gang. They all seemed to have the same expression.

“So I’m guessing we all found nothing?”

“I just don’t get it. Where would they have gone?” Xander asked.

“The Judge feeds off of humanity but I doubt that people would be lining up to die,” Miss Calendar said. 

“Well I know that if I was going to line up for my death it would probably be at the mall,” Oz said. The group turned to the musician who simply shrugged. “Just saying.”

“My god,” Giles said, taking off his glasses to clean them. 

“The night isn’t getting any younger. Let’s skedaddle,” Xander said. Buffy picked up the box holding her birthday present and with Oz’s help packed it back into his van. She, Xander, Willow, and Cordelia piled into Oz’s van. Buffy pushed Willow into the front seat beside Oz.

“Buckle up,” Oz instructed. He quickly got the van onto the road to the mall. Buffy clenched and unclenched her hands sitting in the backseat. There was no reason for her to think that anyone else noticed Spike; no one mentioned anything. But she couldn’t help but worry.

“How are you holding up?” Xander asked. Buffy looked over to her best guy friend. He clearly was concerned for Buffy.

“I’m okay,” she said. Xander shook his head and squeezed her hand.

“Don’t lie. No you’re not. We’re on our way to save the world from some big ugly demon and on top of that it’s all because of your now-evil boyfriend. I mean, I never liked the guy. You know that. But as much as it pains me to say it, you loved him and he loved you. This can’t be easy for you, so there’s no way that you’re ‘okay’,” he said.

Buffy felt tears begin to pool. Fuck, when did Xander get all wise and mature on her? She didn’t ever expect him to say that. She was expecting him to just play along with the pre-written script that she’s okay and everything is fine, just another Tuesday in Sunnydale. She knew how much Xander couldn’t stand Angel, let alone their relationship. Buffy had honestly expected Xander to do a ‘told you so’, not be so supportive. She wanted to tell Xander how much his words touched her. She wanted to explain how much she needed to hear that from him. Instead all she could muster was a tearful “Xander…”

The two had an awkward sideways hug while buckled into their seats. They soon made it to the mall. Oz swiftly parked and the group took out the rocket launcher’s box and the other weapons while they waited for Giles and Miss Calendar to arrive. As soon as they did, the group entered Sunnydale mall. At the end of the concourse stood the Judge with Angel and Drusilla on either side of him. The Judge had already started absorbing humanity from the frozen customers. Buffy gestured to Xander and Oz to get the rocket launcher set up behind a kiosk. The two nodded and sneaked over. Buffy took a deep breath. Seeing Angel like this was still shocking to her. It felt like her lungs were twisting into her guts. 

She could feel support emanating from her soul. Okay. She had this. Buffy stood up and walked to the middle of the concourse. She aimed her crossbow into the Judge’s heart. A perfect shot. The Judge stepped back and lost his hold on the customers, unfreezing them. He narrowed his eyes.

“Who dares?” he boomed.

“Personally I prefer truth over dare myself,” Buffy said. She felt Angel’s, Drusilla’s, and the Judge’s eyes boring into her.

“No weapon forged can stop me,” the Judge proclaimed. Buffy smirked.

“Is that so?” She threw her crossbow to the side and knelt down to pick up the rocket launcher. Angel and Drusilla’s faces immediately dropped and they began to jump out of the way. The Judge stayed still, unsure of what fate awaited him.

 _‘Not feeling so smug now, are ya?’_ she thought.

“What does that do?” The Judge asked. Buffy answered with a grin and fired the rocket. There was a giant ball of fire and the Judge exploded, his scorched body parts raining down on them. The mall fire sprinklers went off drenching them. The fire alarm rang out in the building. Screams echoed around them.

Best. Birthday present. Ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And finally, the Surprise/Innocence arc is complete! These past 3 chapters were a bit of a doozy to say the least. At least for me. Thank you so much for keeping with me during this fic so far. It means so much to me. 
> 
> I've also injured my wrists so the next (few) chapters may come a bit late until they heal. See you at the next chapter!


	10. Relationships

The car horn screeched at Buffy as she ran across the street. She raised a hand in a sheepish apology for a brief moment before turning back towards her goal. She really hadn’t seen the car when she made her dash across the street. If she was honest with herself though, she hadn’t even _looked_. Her mind was so preoccupied that Buffy simply found it so difficult to pay attention to the world around her during daylight hours. She didn’t think that her brain had attended any of her classes that week. Hopefully that wouldn’t be too big of an issue though. Really, when was she ever going to need to know python’s triangle or whatever it was? It’s not like she could use the power of trigonometry to stop Angel from being soulless and trying to kill her. 

Another honk brought Buffy back out of her thoughts. Oops. Thankfully she had finally made it to her destination: Blockbuster. Willow was standing outside and gave Buffy a smile. She returned the gesture. 

“Hey Wills. Sorry if I’m late,” Buffy said. The red head shook her head.

“Nope, you’re right on time. Glad you didn’t get smushed by that minivan,” Willow said with a wry smile. Buffy gave a small embarrassed laugh.

“Ah, you noticed that, did you?”

“Sure did. Not too sure how you didn’t see it though.”

“My mind has been, like, a thousand miles away lately,” Buffy said with a sigh. The two girls entered the video store and were greeted by a cardboard cutout of Jim Carrey from _Liar Liar_ next to the latest releases display. Buffy walked past it, completely uninterested. 

“You’ve been thinking about what happened with Angel?” Willow asked. Buffy deflated at his name. Obviously that’s almost all she could think about. Thoughts of her ex-lover consumed her at all hours; she was drowning in them. Willow furrowed her brow in concern.

“I-I’m sorry, Buffy. You don’t have to talk about if you don’t want to,” she offered meekly. Buffy shook her head.

“No, I think I do. All I’ve been doing is not talking about it. I need to stop being avoidy-girl about it,” she said. Willow placed a supportive hand on Buffy’s arm.

“Thanks,” Buffy said with a soft smile. “It’s just been so hard.” She looked down the wall of videos, scanning the colourful cassette cases. She absent mindedly picked up a copy of _Mission Impossible_.

“I can’t help but feel so much guilt. I’m the reason why Angel lost his soul. Even after Miss Calendar tried to warn me I still had… slept with him. It’s my fault.”

“Buffy, no one thinks that it’s your fault!”

“But it is.” Buffy turned to look at Willow right in the eye.

“Everyone keeps on telling me that it’s not. Even the freaking soul thing said that. But it was. Miss Calendar told me that Angel would lose his soul if he had true happiness and I didn’t listen to her. I didn’t listen to her and now Angel is soulless and doing god knows what. People might die because I decided to not listen to Miss Calendar, not listen to _myself_ , and still slept with him!” Buffy took a steadying breath to keep her tears at bay. Willow frowned, looked at Buffy’s hand and winced. The blonde followed her gaze to see that she had crushed the VHS. 

“See, Willow? All I do is ruin things!”

Willow immediately threw her arms around Buffy’s trembling body.

“I don’t deserve this. Why is no one blaming me?! If something happens to you-”

“It won’t. Buffy, I know you feel guilty but that’s not going to fix anything. You’re going to make sure that I’m safe and you’re going to beat him. Because that’s what you are and that’s what you do. I love you, Buffy,” Willow said. Buffy couldn’t hold it in anymore and cried into Willow’s embrace. After minute a voice interrupted them.

“Uh, y-you don’t have to cry about destroying the movie. Please don’t. I-I can just say that copy was lost.”

Buffy took herself out of Willow’s arms and looked over at the meek video store clerk. He had sweat stains on the pits of his blue uniform and looked like an overall sweaty guy in general. His long face held an anxious expression. Buffy looked back down at the crushed VHS case. 

“O-oh. Um, thank you.”

“Of course. So uh, you can stop crying now,” he said. Buffy gave an uncertain smile.

“Uh, sure, okay,” Buffy said. The clerk gave an awkward nod and walked away leaving Buffy and Willow. The girls gave a small, awkward laugh. Buffy wiped her remaining tears away. A weight had been lifted from Buffy’s shoulders, like she was fifty pounds lighter. She gave Willow a smile. 

“Thank you, Willow,” she said softly. Willow flashed a big grin. 

“Anything for my favourite Slayer!” Willow said. She linked her arm with Buffy’s and took her down to the next aisle. They looked in silence for a moment at the movies. Willow stole a look at Buffy and then looked back at the copy of _Ferris Beuller's Day Off_ in her hands.

“So uh, speaking of Slayer-ness. You want to talk about your uh, spirit thing?” Buffy sighed. She should have known that this was going to come up. It’s not that she wanted to keep it a secret from her friends or anything. But she was still trying to get over the major wigage that the whole situation gave her. How was she supposed to properly explain it to everyone? She barely knew anything herself.

“I guess? I mean, I’m not really sure what there is to talk about. All I know is that she’s apparently something to do with me being the Slayer and somehow is like… attached to my soul or something?”

“What do you mean attached to your soul?”

“See, that’s the thing. I have no idea! And I don’t even know how she showed up in the first place. Giles hasn’t been able to find anything in his research,” Buffy explained. Her eyes flicked over to Willow’s hands. “Mmm, I watched that with mom a few weeks ago on TV. Let’s get something else.”

“Sure, we’ll keep looking. But uh, Buffy, can you not like, ask her maybe? Wait, can you even talk to her?” Willow asked. Buffy gave a small shrug.

“Kind of. She knows what I’m doing and knows like, some of my thoughts? I think. The few times she’s taken over I know everything that she’s doing but I don’t know any of her thoughts. It’s weird. There’s like this huge barrier between us. It’s hard to really explain. She’s able to tell me some stuff. But it’s not like I hear her or anything. It’s like, you know how you have a little voice in your head that tells you that you should actually unload the dishwasher instead of pretending that you didn’t notice that it’s done? That’s what she is. It’s like she’s separate, but also still a part of me. If that makes any sense,” Buffy said. Willow paused for a moment to let the information sink in. 

“I think so. Maybe. Oh, do you think I could meet her? Like how Miss Calendar did?” Willow asked. Buffy couldn’t help but smile at her enthusiasm.

“I dunno, Will. The only way she was able to do so was with that spell. I mean, not even Giles has tried to get her out again, and he can use magic. Not that it’s a bad thing though. I don’t really love not being able to control my body,” Buffy said. Willow’s eyes widened.

“Oh, no! I’m sorry, Buffy. I didn’t even think about that,” she said. Buffy waved it off.

“It’s fine. I know you’re only interested. Oh, _Clueless_! I haven’t seen it since it was in theatres!”

“Well then, I say let’s watch that one.”

“Definitely. And you can tell me _all about_ what’s going on with you and Oz,” Buffy teased. Willow blushed and stuck out her tongue playfully.

* * *

The next week, Buffy prowled Sunnydale’s lover’s lane looking for any trace of Angelus. No one had seen him since she destroyed the Judge almost two weeks earlier. After researching his evil, soulless past, Giles and young Buffy found that he had a sick fascination with destroying people with romantic mind games. The soul hadn’t forgotten how Angelus had left Jenny’s dead body in Giles’s home, leaving behind rose petals and champagne and a note insinuating that they were going to have a romantic night together only for Giles to see her dead body lying on his bed.

She refused to let that happen again.

Suffice it to say, ehhh, a lover’s lane was a good enough guess? Her younger self was very interested in what was going on anyway. Daniella from history class was macking on Nick when Buffy was almost certain that she had seen her last week at the Bronze with Aaron. Absolutely scandalous, it all was. But like Giles mentioned when she told him of this development, there was not a single clue or sighting of Angelus. Even after the soul practically screamed to remind her to use her Slayer senses (which, to the teenager’s credit, she _finally_ did), there was no trace of him.

With a sigh, the Slayer made her way to the last car parked. She would go over, see nothing out of the ordinary, and then call it a night. The soul felt like she recognized the car as young Buffy walked up to it. A quick glance at the license plate confirmed it: Queen C. She rolled her not-really-existent eyes. Of course it would be Cordy and Xander making out. That was such a weird relationship, huh? The epitome of “I hate you so much I’m gonna fuck you”. Not that Buffy was really in a position to judge. Which she wasn’t, all told. It wasn’t like Cordelia was beating the shit out of Xander and then leaving him alone after she used him for sex. God, that was a dark time in her life, the soul thought. And honestly? Cordelia seemed to really care for and love Xander. Why else would her pain cause Anya to come to town? Xander really didn’t treat Cordy the way that she deserved. Not that this time’s Buffy would realize it. No, that was something that came with maturity and hindsight.

Wait… did this time’s Buffy even know of the relationship?

“OH MY GOD XANDER?” Buffy yelled. Inside the car Xander and Cordelia immediately jumped away from each other after being found out. The older Buffy recognized the embarrassment and shame on the couple’s faces.

“B-B-Buffy! What are you doing here?” Xander asked, loud enough for Buffy to hear through the car door. Cordelia said something but Buffy was unable to hear it.

 _‘Don’t be so hard on them. Don’t be a bitch,’_ the soul pushed. 

“Patrolling, obviously! What are _you_ doing here? With _Cordelia_ of all people!” Buffy said. Cordelia leaned over Xander and rolled down her window.

“Why the _hell_ are you patrolling here? Pretty perverted spot to ‘look for baddies’ or whatever it is you’re doing. Did you even _find_ anything?” Cordelia asked. When Buffy hesitated for a moment Cordelia gave one of her trademark smug looks.

“That’s what I thought- AH!”

A large animal pounced onto the roof of Cordelia’s car. It was humanoid, covered in hair, had a tail, and the face had a large snout. Buffy jumped on top of the car and did a quick roundhouse kick, knocking the creature off the car. The soul recognized it immediately: it was a werewolf. Oh shit, was this Oz? That was around this time, wasn’t it?

As Buffy and the werewolf fought, Giles came running over to support his Slayer.

“Giles, a-any idea, uh, on what, ugh, this is?” Buffy asked between punches. 

_‘A werewolf.’_

“I don’t know for sure,” he shouted to her.

_‘It’s a werewolf!!’_

Buffy managed to land a solid hit onto the wolf’s side, knocking it solidly to the ground. During the fight Xander and Cordelia had managed to escape the car and Xander was standing in front of Cordelia in an attempt to ‘protect’ her, as if he could. Maybe it was subconscious. Cute, though.

“Yeah! You knocked down the wolf!” Xander cried out. Buffy went for a swift kick as it tried to get up again.

“A wolf?” she asked.

_‘Oh my god yes it’s a werewolf LISTEN TO ME PLEASE!’_

“Giles, do you think this could be a werewolf?” she called out. The soul wanted to cry in happiness. Finally, the girl listened to her.

“If it is, then it is still a human who is most likely unaware of what they’re doing. Buffy, we must subdue it until sunrise so it doesn’t harm anyone,” Giles called out. 

“Easier said than done!” Buffy snapped back. The soul didn’t blame her. She couldn’t consistently kick the wolf down for the rest of the night. The Slayer was already starting to fatigue.

“Oh! Tire chains are a thing! Cordy, do you have any in your trunk?” Xander asked. Cordelia crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.

“Do I _look_ like I have chains with me? God, Xander. Who the hell would have tire chains in California of all places?”

“I-I might,” Giles said. The high school students looked over to him. The soul was surprised as well. Really?

“Then quit standing there and get them!” Buffy screamed. The watcher nodded and quickly ran to his car. While she waited the Slayer continued to hit the wolf back. She worried that it would soon come up with a way to get out of her hold. Thankfully Giles returned quickly. He threw the chains over to his Slayer who used them to get a choke hold on the animal. It struggled against Buffy’s hold but soon fell unconscious. The heavy, rhythmic expansion of it’s chest with its breaths confirmed that it hadn’t been harmed. Buffy and the soul both gave a heavy sigh of relief. The older Buffy recalled using a sleeping dart the last time. 

“So like, what now?” Cordelia asked. 

“Well, Buffy keeps it under control, Giles makes with the research, and we can get back to our thing?” Xander said with a waggle of his eyebrows. Cordelia rolled her eyes. Younger Buffy tried not to gag at the thought.

“Buffy and I will take the beast a-and lock it in the library’s cage to keep watch while doing research. I must say though it would be very helpful to have more people to aid in this endeavor as we will have to be there for the entire night,” Giles said, looking pointedly at Xander and Cordelia. He had a powerful ‘make the right choice here’ look, the soul would give him that. 

“Fine, we’ll go with you losers. Jeez, when did my life get so lame?” Cordelia wondered. Before Buffy could make a retort the soul held back her tongue with all the strength she had.

_‘Don’t rise up to the bait. This is not the time.’_

Buffy stuck with simply giving a dirty look. Sure, whatever. The soul would take it. 

“Oh, we should call Willow and have her join,” Xander said. Cordelia turned to Xander with a look of fury.

“What did I _just_ say before all this?” Cordelia said. Right, there had been some weirdness of Xander focusing more on Willow and Buffy than on Cordelia during their relationship. Actually, he was like that with Anya as well. The soul frowned. Why did Xander never seem to see how great the relationship in front of him was and how important it was to cherish his partner? At least not until it was too late.

“Right. Well, lets go before our ah, ‘friend’, wakes up,” Giles said. The group nodded. Buffy stuffed the werewolf into Giles’s car and they quickly drove off to the school.

* * *

After locking the werewolf in the library’s cage Buffy let go of the breath that she was unconsciously holding. Finally, they would be safe for the rest of the night. Probably. She looked over to her watcher who gave a single nod and then shifted his gaze to the table. Buffy followed it to see the books lying there. Oh right, they had to do research. Joy. Buffy dropped her shoulders and sat down at the table beside Xander who was mindlessly flipping through pages. Cordelia had fallen asleep almost immediately after she sat down. Lucky her. The Slayer’s thoughts were interrupted by Giles placing a large book in front of her. Why were all of his books like, 700 pages long? With a pout she opened it up.

“Any luck on your end?” she asked Xander. He shook his head.

“Nothing yet,” he said. Buffy shifted in her seat. She decided to not ignore the elephant in the room.

“So uh, Cordelia,” she said, trying very hard to sound casual and failing spectacularly.

“Yup,” was all he replied. He didn’t even look up to meet Buffy’s eyes.

“How long has this been-”

“Buff, listen.” Xander turned to Buffy to stare right into her eyes. “I know you don’t like her. But I do. Can we just talk about this tomorrow? Please?”

“Does Willow know?”

“No.”

“You have to tell her.”

“I will. Tomorrow. We’ll all talk about it then, okay?” Xander pleaded. She could see the resolve in his face. She gave a sigh of defeat.

“Fine. But you aren’t backing out,” she said. Xander looked over at the sleeping brunette.

“I know.”

Buffy nodded and got back to her book.

* * *

That morning the entire group was surprised to see the werewolf turn back into Oz, just like the soul expected. Poor guy was looking incredibly confused, or at least as confused as Oz could look. Luckily Xander was able to grab him a PE uniform to borrow. The younger Buffy immediately called Willow who came to the library in record speed. Needless to say, they were all interested about what had happened the previous night.

“Right,” Giles started, “it seems that Oz here is a werewolf.”

“Yeah. Something that I wasn’t really expecting when cousin Jordy bit me,” Oz said. 

“And it’s a permanent thing,” Buffy said. Willow’s eyes widened and she turned to Oz.

“Really?” she asked. Oz looked down. The soul knew what that look was. It was a look of ‘I bet you don’t want to be with me now’. 

“Yes. He will transform into a wolf three nights of the month: the night of the full moon and the nights before and after. I-I do suggest that since Oz is unable to control his wolf form that he ah, stays in the library cage during those nights” Giles informed. 

“Oz, no-” Willow began, before being interrupted by him.

“It’s okay, Willow. It’s for the best. I don’t want to hurt anyone,” he said. Willow nodded.

“Also, while everyone is here,” Xander began, “I have an announcement.” He turned over to Cordelia who rolled her eyes. The soul noticed the very smallest of smiles on her face, however. Xander then turned back to the group.

“Cordelia and I are dating. Now, I know this might come as a bit of a shock to you so that’s why I’m giving you all the next five minutes for questions.” Willow’s face dropped. The soul saw the shock hit her friend like a ten wheeler. The younger Buffy raised her hand.

“When did this start?”

“More than a month ago?” Xander said. He looked over to Cordelia who nodded.

“H-how’d it happen? Why _Cordelia_ of all people?!” Willow asked. The soul could tell that she was trying (and succeeding) to keep the tears at bay.

“Hey! I’m right here!” Cordelia shouted.

“Honestly Will? I don’t know. One moment I wanted to kill her, the next I just couldn’t stop myself from kissing her.”

“Enemies to lovers,” Oz said sagely. He gave a quick nod of understanding.

“Y-you’ve hated lots of other people before. You, you hate Snyder! I don’t see you locking lips with him! ...Please don’t tell me you’re kissing Principal Snyder.”

“God! Gross, Will. Of course not!”

“Then why Cordelia, huh? It’s not like she’s a praying mantis, or a mummy-”

“A praying mantis? What, like a _bug_?” Cordelia asked.

“Can we not bring those up now?” Xander pleaded. Willow crossed her arms and pouted.

“Fine. But you still haven’t answered the question.”

“It’s Cordelia because… because…” Xander turned to the girl in question. “Because I know where I stand with her. She’s honest and isn’t afraid to call me out on my shit. And she’s beautiful. But more than that, I’ve never felt more alive than when I’m kissing her. It’s the passion, you know? It’s like she lights a fire in me,” Xander explained. Wow, the soul had never heard Xander talk about Cordy like that. It warmed her, honestly. And looking at Cordelia’s expression it was obvious that his words had struck a soft spot with the cheerleader as well.

“That’s poetic,” Oz said. Willow grumbled but seemed to not disagree with him.

“And…. that’s five minutes. Alright, we’re done. I don’t want to hear anything else from the peanut gallery when it comes to our relationship together. Capiche?” Xander said. Buffy rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, alright,” she said. At that moment the school bell rang.

“And that’s my cue. Ciao, nerds,” Cordelia said. She brushed her hair behind her and walked out of the library. 

“Her dating Xander doesn’t stop her from being a b-i-t-c-h,” Willow mumbled. Both Buffys laughed despite themselves. 

* * *

She knew that she shouldn’t feel bad. She should have been happy for Xander finding a relationship (even if it was with _Cordelia_ ), and in some ways she was. She also was happy for Willow for taking the initiative and having her first kiss with Oz, she was. Honest. But with her best friends being in relationships and Giles being… something or rather with Miss Calendar, Buffy couldn’t help but feel awful. It was only a few weeks ago that she had a boyfriend with a soul and had late night smoochies. It made her feel so empty inside. Every time she thought about Angel it was like she was getting staked in the heart herself. 

It didn’t help that her mom seemed to notice that something was wrong. God, she didn’t want her mom to know anything and yet here she was in the kitchen giving Buffy _looks_ while making dinner. Thankfully she hadn’t said anything yet but Buffy could see it on the horizon. Buffy sat at the kitchen island idly filling in her French worksheet. Part of why she was even out of her room was to show her mom that she was actually doing her homework. Like ‘oh look at what a great daughter I am I’m doing homework and totally not in danger of flunking French please let me go to the Bronze this weekend’. 

“What should I be worried about?” Joyce asked, throwing Buffy out of her thoughts.

“What? Worried? Who’s worried?”

“Me. About you. Something’s going on,” Joyce said. Buffy shifted in her seat. She didn’t want to get into this with her mom and she didn’t want to lie. But it’s not like she could tell her the truth.

She ignored the sudden urge to tell her mom about being the Slayer.

“Nothing’s going on!” Buffy said. She quickly shifted into a pattern she knew well: deny, deny, deny. Full on denial, like ‘I did not have sexual relations with that woman’-type denial. However, this wasn’t a new tactic of Buffy’s; her mother knew it well. Joyce gave a sigh.

“Nothing is going on, yet you are more quiet than before, jump at any noise, and _doing your homework_.” Her mother punctuated her last point with a knowing look. Buffy felt her shoulders shrink but quickly regained composure. This wasn’t her first rodeo.

“I’m just being more responsible. I _am_ seventeen now which means that I should be taking some things more seriously,” Buffy said. Her mom gave her a look. It was clear that her mother didn’t quite believe her daughter but was going to let it drop for now. 

After dinner, Buffy went back to her room and surprisingly finished her homework for once before 9pm. The teen slipped out of her window carefully and began her patrol of the cemeteries with a quick swing by the lover’s lane as well. They still hadn’t heard or seen Angel since she destroyed the Judge with a rocket launcher two weeks earlier. 

Three cemeteries down, Buffy was walking down Elm street when she sensed something was behind her. She heard footsteps that were just barely not in time with her own. A chill crept down her spine. She focused and felt the vampire tingles on her back of her neck. A powerful vampire. The Slayer gripped her stake tightly and turned around.

Underneath a streetlight stood Angel. He was so tall and commanding. A large portion of his face was in shadow but Buffy could still easily see his smile. It wasn’t an evil smile. There was no cruelty in it or malice. It looked genuine. Happy to see her.

Like he loved her.

Buffy steadied her breath. She had to be strong. She could do that.

“Angel. I was beginning to think that I had scared you off,” she said. Buffy was pleased that her voice didn’t waver.

“Scared? Now why would I be scared?” Angel asked with a laugh. Buffy got into a fighting stance.

“Because I’m the Slayer. It’s my job to kill you.” At that, Angel jumped at Buffy. She dodged out of the way and went for a right hook. It missed it’s intended mark and instead made contact only with Angel’s arm. He elbowed her, pushing her back. Buffy caught his next punch and did a palm strike to the nose. The master vampire cursed at the pain. She used the second of distraction to position herself for a solid kick to his side. Angel growled and swung a punch at Buffy’s face. It connected hard, throwing the Slayer off balance. Buffy blocked Angel’s follow up attack with her left arm and punched him back with her right. She quickly took advantage of his loss of balance with a swift kick to the pavement. The Slayer readied her stake to plunge into his heart and-

“Buffy.”

She froze. On the ground below her staring back up at her was Angel. Her Angel. His face was full of love and hurt and pure fear. Her resolve immediately melted. Oh god, she almost staked him!

“A-Angel?”

He placed his hand gently on her cheek. Buffy felt tears beginning to form. It was really him. Then he smiled.

“God, you really are as stupid as you look,” he said cruelly. His hand moved from her cheek to wrapping around her neck with a tight grip before Buffy could even comprehend what was happening. The face of the man she loved immediately disappeared and he laughed. A cruel, mocking laugh. Buffy’s breath was caught in her throat, unable to move past Angel’s grip. Panic and shock began to grow within the girl. She was wrong. Oh god she was so wrong. She was so _stupid_. She wanted so badly for Angel to come back to her that she fell for it immediately. Angel flipped them so he was now on top of her. His cruel smile was all she could see. She writhed underneath him but it seemed to do nothing. He was too strong. Or maybe she was too weak. Before she could plead for the Slayer spirit to take over for her the master vampire leaned towards her.

“Don’t worry, alright? I’ll kill you last.”

Then his fist hit her face and there was only black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My wrist has they're thinking some sort of nerve problem so I've had to cut back on the amount I type by a LOT. SO updates are gonna be a lot slower. Sorry!


	11. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your patience! I think you guys will really enjoy this one ;D
> 
> As a bit of a refresher: Last chapter Buffy had a cry with Willow over inadvertently breaking Angel's curse in the middle of a Blockbuster. Then she discovered Xander and Cordy making out only to be interrupted by Oz as a werewolf. Xander came clean to all the scoobies (read: Willow) about dating Cordelia. Buffy's mom has noticed that something is bothering her, but in true teenage fashion she didn't tell her mom diddly squat. She snuck out for patrol where she ran into Angelus. They fought, but when Buffy had the upper hand, Angelus tricked her by acting as if he was Angel again. Buffy hesitated, which he used to his advantage to knock her unconscious. Poor girl!

Buffy and her soul woke up to Giles calling her name. The teen grabbed her throbbing head. 

“Owww…” she whined. Giles frowned.

“Take it easy, Buffy. Slowly now,” Giles said. He helped her to her feet. 

“How… how did you know where to find me?” she asked.

“We were supposed to meet at the entrance to ah, ‘lover’s lane’, remember? I came looking for you when you hadn’t arrived. I’m glad I did,” he said. The soul suddenly shot into panic. What was Giles _doing_ walking around Sunnydale after sundown?! God, she would be gutted if she lost him. Her younger self would be absolutely devastated. He was such an important constant in her life, the only adult figure she could currently trust completely with every aspect of her life.

Her feelings clearly shifted to the teenager.

“Giles, what were you doing walking around by yourself!? What-what if something happened to you?” Buffy reprimanded. Her emotions were running high.

“I took my vehicle,” Giles said plainly.

“Oh.” The girl immediately deflated.

“Quite. But Buffy, what happened? Here, I’ll drive you home.” Giles led Buffy to his car which was parked only a couple metres away.

“I um. I found Angel,” Buffy began.

“Dear lord.”

“We fought. I think I was actually doing a pretty good job there. But then he... God, Giles. I’m so stupid!” Buffy began to cry. The soul understood her frustration and disappointment so well. Of course she felt distraught. Angelus was an expert at mental torture. He excelled at destroying his prey psychologically. Because he was a fucking coward. Buffy knew how to fight a demon one-on-one. Her approach to life was to tackle her problems head on with physicality and action. The cruelty that Angelus specialized in was so far out from anything that this Buffy had faced so far.

Buffy knew that her life wasn’t fair. The life of a Slayer was anything _but_ fair. But looking back as an adult onto what she had to deal with as a _fucking_ child? It shattered her heart. When the soul looked at Giles’s face she saw her thoughts reflected back at her. 

“Oh no, my dear. No, you aren’t at all. Hush.” Giles wrapped his arms around his Slayer. No, not his Slayer; his surrogate daughter. His affection and reassurances were that of a loving father. The soul bit back her own tears.

“B-But Giles, you, you don’t understand,” Buffy said between sobs. Giles pet her hair.

“Buffy, how about we go to my home and you tell me what happened. Help me understand,” Giles suggested. The young Slayer simply nodded and tried to sniff her tears back.

Giles drove the two quickly back to his flat. He led Buffy into his home and put the kettle on. It made the soul smile. Nothing said comfort like Giles making ‘a nice cuppa’. He prepared their tea and placed a mug in front of Buffy before sitting back himself.

“Now Buffy, once you’re ready. Tell me what happened.” The teenager took a few steadying breaths. It took her a few minutes to compose herself. Giles didn’t rush her; the watcher simply took sips from his tea while he patiently waited in welcoming silence. 

“He- I mean, when we were fighting. So I got him. Like, I could have staked him and then he just _looked_ at me and it was like it was Angel looking at me. Like, all soul-having Angel. His face was just so upset and I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it, Giles. But it was a god damn trick. It was a _lie_ and he laughed at me for being so _stupid_. So then he got the best of me and could have killed me but instead just told me that he would kill me last. And then he knocked me out,” Buffy explained. Giles stayed silent, absorbing what Buffy had told her. The younger Buffy’s guilt and self loathing was almost overwhelming.

“I know, I’m stupid. Just tell me that I am,” Buffy said. She buried her face in her arms and tensed up, preparing for a reprimand. Instead, Giles just put down his tea.

“Buffy my dear, you are not stupid. Not even slightly. The emotional hardship that you are enduring is incredibly immense. I do not blame you or think poorly of you in the least. All you will get from me is my full support and love,” Giles said. Buffy sniffed back tears and found herself in Giles’s arms once again. Watching Giles comfort young Buffy, the soul became even more resolved to ensure that she protected their relationship. She refused to watch it crumble again.

Absolutely refused.

Once Buffy calmed down and dried her eyes Giles took away her empty mug. 

“Now, it is rather late. How about I drive you home?” Giles asked. Buffy simply nodded and followed Giles into his car. The soul felt that Buffy was much more calm and feeling significantly better but there was still a lot of anxiety surrounding her. The anxiety was so intense that the soul was unable to make out the younger Buffy’s actual thoughts. 

_‘Talk about it. Voice what you’re thinking. You can trust Giles,’_ the soul pushed. The teenager bit her lower lip.

“Giles,” she began softly.

“Yes? What is it, Buffy?”

“I… Should um. Do you think that I should, er, _we_ should tell mom?” The soul was shocked. She had no idea that Buffy was considering it. But really, it was a good idea. Sunnydale was a dangerous place and the sooner her mom learned of the _very_ real threat of being outside after sundown the safer she would be. And the more slack Buffy would get. Honestly, the soul wanted so badly for her mom to learn of her calling in a better way. Being kicked out of the house was such an awful, terrible experience for Buffy that damaged her relationship with her mother for a long time. Maybe this time would be better.

Well, it couldn’t be any _worse_ , that’s for sure.

“Buffy, I-I don’t believe that it would be a good idea. Would she even believe you, or would she make going out for patrol even ah, even more difficult? On top of that, no Slayer has ever lived with their parents who knew of their sacred duty. I do worry that it would put her in unnecessary danger,” Giles said. The soul frowned. Giles wasn’t right. And if he thought about it, really thought about it seriously, he would realize that telling Joyce is the right choice. Probably some sort of council indoctrination to rationalize taking Slayers from their families, she surmised. 

The younger Buffy’s thoughts drifted to her brief stint in the mental hospital. The soul shivered alongside the teenager. What an awful experience. No wonder it took the literal end of the world for Buffy to tell her mom the first time around.

“A-alright,” Buffy mumbled. The rest of the drive was silent to Buffy’s house. As he pulled up to the curb at 3am her watcher gave Buffy one last hug.

“I will always, _always_ , be your number one supporter.”

“I know.”

_‘And even if that changes, you’ll always have me.’_

Buffy smiled. Then she got out of the car and snuck through her bedroom window to bed.

* * *

“Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap!” Buffy cried. She either forgot to set her alarm or turned it off in her sleep. Either way it was 10:32 in the morning and she had missed trig and the first half of English. She couldn’t deal with any more absences; her mom would ground her for the rest of her life. Why hadn’t her mom woken her up!? She quickly brushed her hair into a ponytail and applied eyeliner and lipstick. She didn’t even have time for concealer. 

“Why couldn’t you have woken me up,” Buffy grumbled to her fun sometimes-possessing friend. 

There was no response. Figures. Buffy huffed and quickly dived into her drawers for something to wear. She put her effort into her appearance in an attempt to avoid thinking about the previous night. The teenager wore a simple sweater with jeans and dashed down the stairs to the kitchen. On the counter was a note from her mom.

_Buffy,_

_I had to go to the gallery early this morning. There’s a sandwich in the fridge for your lunch._

_Love you!_

_xox Mom_

Buffy groaned. Of all days to go to the gallery early, why did it have to be _today_?! She grabbed her lunch from the fridge and ran to the school. Thanks to her Slayer speed she made it there fairly quickly and got there just in time… to see her classmates leaving her English classroom. Crap, she missed it. Buffy stood dumbly at the door just staring when her teacher noticed her.

“I see you decided to show up, Buffy,” Mrs Beakman said. 

“I-I’m sorry, Mrs Beakman. I just uh, I had a thing, you see,” Buffy tried. Her teacher raised her eyebrows and put her hands on her hips. 

“Oh really? A thing, you say?”

“Y-yeah. A, uh, um.”

A voice inside Buffy seemed to offer up an excuse. Finally, the spirit was helping! 

“A… special project for Mr Giles!” Buffy said. _‘Thank you,’_ she thought.

“And if I ask Mr Giles about this ‘special project’, he’ll corroborate your story?”

“Oh, definitely,” a voice said. Buffy turned to look inside the classroom to see Cordelia standing by her desk. 

“Cordelia? What are you doing here?” Buffy asked. The cheerleader rolled her eyes.

“Something about my last essay,” she explained.

“Something about _both_ of your more recent assignments. You both share the great accomplishment of failing it,” Mrs Beakman explained. Buffy gasped. She didn’t know why she did, though. It wasn’t that unexpected: writing was never her forte. She was a doer. Not a talker or a writer. Words and Buffy were just unmixy things. Cordelia let out a groan.

“How did I fail that? I totally put effort into it. I had to reschedule a manicure for it!” Cordelia said. Mrs Beakman raised an eyebrow.

“Your effort was for naught; your assignment was to write about the role of ‘Big Brother’ in _1984_. You instead wrote about how it was sexist that there wasn’t a ‘Big Sister’. You completely missed not only the point of the assignment but also the book itself.”

“But I was incorporating like, feminism or girl power of whatever!”

“Next time maybe try doing it well,” Mrs Beakman said. Cordelia crossed her arms with a pout. “As long as you continue to pass the rest of your assignments and tests you’ll still pass. Unlike others.” The teacher then turned to Buffy.

“Others?” Oh no. She wasn’t actually failing, was she? She couldn’t be-

“You’re currently failing. If you want to get a C by the end of term you need to get As and Bs on your remaining assignments and tests. Starting with our Shakespeare unit,” she explained. Buffy let a whine escape.

“Is there any sort of extra credit I can do?”

“No.”

“Looks like someone’s in hot water,” Cordelia said. Buffy turned to brunette and narrowed her eyes.

“Can we not have commentary from the peanut gallery?” Buffy asked. Cordelia raised her hands in mock surrender.

“I hope you two understand the positions you’re in. Now leave; I need to prepare for my next class,” Mrs Beakman said with a wave of her hand. The teenagers stood in the hallway together.

“Well that _sucked_ ,” Cordelia said. 

“You can say that again,” Buffy replied.

“I mean, I even had to reschedule a date with Xander.”

“How is it going with him?” Buffy asked. She was honestly curious. She didn’t like Cordelia. She was pretty sure that she never would. But she knew that Xander did. And honestly, wasn’t that what was most important? When she was with Angel she wanted Xander to be supportive of her even if he didn’t like her boyfriend. Or at least not such a dick about it. So gosh darn it, Buffy was going to be not a dick about Xander and Cordelia.

“It’s good. I mean I often want to kill him but in a loving way. You know?”

“Uh… sure?” 

“I just kind of wish my friends were a bit nicer about it,” Cordelia mumbled. Buffy was about to ask what she meant when the bell rang. Cordelia immediately perked up.

“Oops, gotta go. Great talk or whatever. Later!”

“Uh, sure. Later,” Buffy said. The teen made her way to history. At least she would make it to that class.

* * *

That night Buffy tapped her pencil on the edge of the tombstone she was sitting on. The teenager let out a groan. Why had no vampires come out of their graves yet? There were supposed to be two in this cemetery tonight. On top of that she had to get this English assignment done. Why couldn’t teachers understand that she had other commitments than… Buffy looked down at her notebook. Right, explaining Duke Orsino’s concept of love. She picked up her copy of _Twelfth Night_ and flicked through to any scene that had the words “Orsino” and “love” in it. Not the best way, she knew, but hopefully would be good enough.

“Ugh, who cares what some Duke thinks about love?,” Buffy groaned. She then stilled. Did she hear something? The Slayer closed her eyes to focus her senses. Yup, her vampire sense was tingling. Buffy hoped that as she used it more maybe she would be able to feel it without all this extra effort. It didn’t feel like a simple fledge. No, this was something powerful. Something similar to Angel? Buffy whipped her head around searching for whatever vampire it was that was nearby. 

By the trees stood a figure. Buffy grabbed her stake.

“I know you’re out there. Can we make this quick? Please? I have to finish this assignment on _Twelfth Night_ tonight,” Buffy called out. “Even though I don’t understand this stupid book,” she mumbled.

“Well for starts it’s a play, not a bloody book,” he said. Buffy gripped her stake tighter when she saw Spike limp out into the open. Shit. Shit shit shit it was Spike what the hell was he even _doing_ there he was supposed to be paralyzed. The Slayer spirit thing kept on sending her signals of ‘its okay, relax, stand down’. She took a steading breath. _‘You better be right,’_ she thought.

“I thought you couldn’t walk,” she said.

“Yeah, you and everyone else, including sodding Angelus. What can I say? I’m full of surprises,” he said. The way that his lip curled upwards when he said ‘surprises’ did something to Buffy. She didn’t want to think about it and decided to aggressively ignore it.

“What do you mean, Angel doesn’t know that you can walk?”

“Exactly that.”

“But why are you here?”

“Gotta stretch out m’legs. Get some practice, test my limits without Angelus knowing.”

“Aren’t you guys like working together being some evil family and all?” Buffy asked. Spike gave a dark laugh at that.

“Right, like I’m really enjoying watching my girl fall all over her ‘daddy’s’ cock? I had forgotten how much of a prick your boyfriend is,” he spat. Buffy felt a stabbing pain in her chest. Now Angel was having sex with Drusilla? She knew he had lost his soul but god. It hurt her so much. Was she really so easy to get over?

“He’s not my boyfriend. Not anymore,” Buffy muttered with resolve. She wasn’t going to cry, she was strong. Spike’s face immediately softened. It looked like… understanding? Right. Drusilla was his lover of the past century or so. It couldn’t have been easy for him to know that his ho-bag girlfriend was sleeping with someone else. They seemed to have some sort of depressing camaraderie. The teenager decided to try and lighten the mood.

“You wouldn’t happen to be full of knowing about Shakespeare, would you?” Buffy asked jokingly. To her shock Spike averted his eyes and scratched his head. It seemed as if he was embarrassed. 

“I know a bit, yeah. Reckon it’s more than you.” The master vampire limped over to Buffy slowly. She felt guilty for putting him in such a state. She didn’t want to feel guilty: this was a vampire. A bad one! That had killed hundreds and was evil! She should be staking him. Spike seemed to be thinking something similar.

“Listen, Slayer. I help you with the bard, you don’t stake me or let your ex-boyfriend know that I’m not as incapacitated as he thinks. Truce?” Buffy’s entire being seemed to glow inside at the word ‘truce’. The word seemed to wake up her heart and soul or something. She knew that she shouldn’t trust him. He was evil and when would she have another chance to kill him? Her disappointing marks in English flashed to the front of her mind. _‘Alright,’_ she thought, _‘Slayer spirit thing. Can I trust him?’_

Buffy got a feeling that yes, yes she could. Alright then. She’d find some other time to kill him.

“Okay, truce. But who’s this bard?” Buffy asked. Spike’s eyebrows almost flew off his face they were raised so high.

“‘Who’s the bard?’ Bloody Shakespeare, that’s who. What the hell are they even teaching you these days?” Spike lamented. Buffy tilted her head slightly. Oh yeah, she had heard him referred to by that name before, hadn’t she? The teenager used her arms to push herself off the tombstone and sat down on the grass in front of them. Spike sat down as well but about six feet away, giving the two ample space. Buffy pushed down her disappointment and instead placed her English homework between them.

“Alright Slayer, what do you need to know about _Twelfth Night_? Do you have a copy of the play, by the way?”

“Yeah, here,” Buffy said, pointing to the small paperback. “So like, I have to talk about Duke Orsino’s concept of love. But like, I have no idea what’s being asked of me here. I mean, he sees a pretty girl, he falls in love. What else is there?”

Spike gave an exasperated sigh. “Really? All you got from the Duke was ‘I want to shag Olivia’? Did you even _read_ the sodding play? Yeah, Orsino has a thing for Olivia, but it’s secondary. It could have been any bird, Olivia was just the one that probably was in the right place at the right time. Orsino is in love with the _idea_ of being in love. A bloody romantic he is,” Spike grumbled. 

Buffy perked up. Wow, Spike _actually_ knew about this stuff. Colour her shocked. He certainly didn’t act like someone who had opinions on Shakespeare characters.

“How can you tell, though? I don’t understand what they’re saying. It’s practically a different language. I mean really, what does, uh,” Buffy took the book from Spike and opened it to a random page, “‘Lady, you are the cruell’st she alive / If you will lead these graces to the grave / And leave the world no copy’. Like, she has to make a copy? Of what? What does that even _mean_?” Spike gave an exasperated sigh.

“A play will always make more sense if you actually see it performed, not just read. Your teacher didn’t take you to a play or show a movie?” he asked. 

“Ugh, no. Which is why I’m _so_ upset that we’re not doing _Romeo and Juliet_ because last year the Leonardo DiCaprio version of it came out which is just _yum_ ,” Buffy said. She gave a smile thinking of it. She rented and watched it with her mom three times. 

“No wonder you don’t understand it. Here, we’ll start on the first scene of the first act,” he said. The vampire quickly scanned the pages. “I’ll do Orsino’s lines. You read out all the other characters.”

“All of the other characters? That doesn’t sound very fair,” Buffy pouted. Spike shook his head.

“No, they have much fewer lines. Trust me with this,” Spike said. Buffy let the doubt show all over her face but decided to give it a try. Spike cleared his throat and began reciting.

“ _‘If music be the food of love, play on;_ _  
_ _Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting…’_ ”

Buffy was stunned. The rough, violent, cold blooded vampire in front of her, the freaking _Slayer of Slayers_ , had completely disappeared and had been replaced with the Duke of Orsino, bemoaning how he was overcome with love and felt almost like it’s slave. She sat gob smacked, not realizing that it was her turn to speak until Spike stared at her with a raised eyebrow and cleared his throat.

“O-oh, sorry,” Buffy mumbled. She did not blush as she looked down at the page. Nope.

“Uh, ‘ _Will you go hunt, my lord?’_ ” Buffy felt self conscious over how lame she must have sounded compared to Spike. If he was unimpressed though he kept it to himself as he continued with the scene. Buffy remained amazed over how Spike reciting the old English lines out loud suddenly made it make sense to her. She no longer had only confusing, fancy words to decipher what on earth was going on. No, now she could use the context clues of the timing and tone of voice that Spike used. It had changed the entire way she looked at the play. No longer was it stuffy, boring English written by some dead guy. The play had sprung to life in front of her. 

“Make more sense, love?” Spike asked. Buffy nodded fervently.

“Completely! Like, I actually understand what’s going on. How did you do that?” Spike turned his head to the side, looking away from her.

“‘S nothing. Just know the play, s’all,” Spike said.

“He kinda seems like he really loves love, even more than Olivia. Who clearly has no interest in him. Like she’s in mourning over her brother and doesn’t want to see anyone. Th-that’s what it was saying, right?” Buffy asked, uncertainty creeping in. Oh god, what if she had completely misunderstood it. Buffy didn’t want to disappoint Spike, as weird as it was. Thankfully for Buffy, the vampire seemed to smile at her analysis.

“Right! Right, that’s just what it is! But the wanker doesn’t realize it.” Buffy noticed a sparkle in the vampire’s bright blue eyes. He seemed so comfortable and in his element. She felt such pride in herself for getting it right. She didn’t think about how Angel never helped her with her homework. 

The two spent the next hour going over Duke Orsino’s parts in the play but it seemed to be more like a few minutes had passed. As they worked and Buffy wrote down her answers the two found themselves sitting side by side with only a few inches separating them. The teenager put down her pencil in triumph. She had finished her English homework. Finally! And it hadn’t been a painful, awful experience, either. Normally she would have given up in frustration. This time though… She actually had a lot of fun. Working with Spike was _enjoyable_ , to her absolute surprise. 

“I think I’m actually done. Like, completed my English homework for the first time since being Called, probably,” Buffy said.

“Literature’s never been your strong suit, Slayer?” Spike asked. Buffy shook her head.

“No, it hasn’t. And the whole Slaying thing hasn’t helped very much on that front, that’s for sure.”

“You could just not do the Slaying,” Spike teased. Buffy pushed his shoulder lightly.

“And let you have free reign of Sunnydale? Not a chance!”

“Spoil my fun why don’t you?” Spike said. Buffy smiled.

“Thanks, by the way. For the help,” she said. 

“Don’t mention it. Seriously. Don’t. Have a reputation to keep up, I do,” he said.

“Your secret’s safe with me,” Buffy replied. An uncertain silence fell between them. Her homework was done so was her truce also finished now? But she had no desire to stake him. If Buffy was being honest she wanted to make sure that he got back safely without arising any suspicion from Angelus. 

“Right then, off I’ll go,” he said. The vampire slowly got up onto his feet. It was obvious that he was still quite weak. Buffy resisted the urge to help him up. Instead she simply watched. Before Spike walked away Buffy spoke up.

“Hey. Don’t get caught by Angel,” she said. Spike turned back to her and gave an odd expression.

“Right back at you, Slayer.”

* * *

“And then he like, hobbled back to the factory or wherever,” Buffy said into the receiver. She opened a drawer to look for a shirt that matched the skirt she had picked out for school the next day.

“Wow,” Willow said on the other side of the line.

“I know!”

“I’m just so surprised that he knows Shakespeare so well. He doesn’t look like it at all. Though, I guess you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover.”

“And apparently Spike read the book,” Buffy mumbled. No, none of these shirts would work well. She opened a different drawer.

“So uh. Did you have fun?” Willow asked. Buffy paused for a moment.

“I… I did. I really did. And even when he had a soul, Angel never helped me out with my homework.”

“He wasn’t really Mr Fun-Times. More like Mr Serious-Broody guy.”

“I…” Had Buffy ever really had _fun_ with Angel? Everything was always so serious with him. Either it was grave danger afoot or romantic smoochies. But not _fun_. 

The Slayer spirit seemed to agree with that thought. 

“Buffy?”

“I never had fun with Angel, but I honestly think I did with Spike. Which is just so _wrong_. I mean he’s the Slayer of Slayers. I should have staked him! Not recite Shakespeare with him. But here I am like, wanting to do it again with him,” Buffy bemoaned. She flopped onto her bed in defeat on top of her outfit for tomorrow. “I’m a failure of a Slayer.”

“N-no you aren’t! You’re a great Slayer! Besides, you two had a truce, right?” Willow said. Buffy groaned.

“Yeah, but if Giles knew he’d be all ‘you have a sacred duty blah blah blah’ and say that I failed for not immediately staking Spike when I had the chance.”

“But that would be playing dirty.”

“Right?! But yeah, so you can’t let Giles know or else he’ll totally wig out on me. Oh, and Spike made me promise not to let anyone know that he’s all literature-guy,” Buffy said. 

“You can count on me!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I legit agonized over that scene with Spike for so long. I bugged my sister for help with it since I'm not that great at English and she flipping LOVE Shakespeare so bad. So big thanks to my big sister <3
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy! Thanks for continuing to be so understanding and letting me take care of myself first <3


	12. Spell and Charm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So _Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered_ certainly was an episode, wasn't it?

As soon as Buffy woke up that morning, she knew that something was wrong. Okay, maybe _Buffy_ didn’t know that something was wrong, but the soul did immediately. She could sense some sort of magical barrier surrounding the teenager’s mind. Her first thought immediately went to Willow. The will be done spell, the memory spell, her god damn resurrection… it wouldn’t have been the first time that Willow had violated her against her own will. Looking at the calendar on Buffy’s wall gave the soul a pause. February 16th, 1998. Hold on, Willow hadn’t started using magic yet. Not until she had resouled Angel. So that meant that this...

This was Xander’s love spell gone wrong.

She didn’t remember a lot of what had happened. After all, for most of it she had been a freaking _rat_. That was NOT happening this time. No siree. With new resolve, the older Buffy pushed her essence against the barrier between herself and Buffy. There was no fracture. However, she did find herself able to almost slip under it, so to speak. With a strong jolt she thrust her essence into Buffy’s limbs. She drummed her fingers to find that yes, it did work. She gave a sigh of relief.

“Sorry I had to do this, Buffy. It’s just that-” Buffy’s throat instantly closed. She exhaled forcefully through her nose.

“Oh right, I can’t say anything, can I? Fuck me, right? Argh!” Buffy threw up her hands in frustration. 

“Buffy? You alright?” Joyce called from downstairs. 

“Yup! Just, uh, stubbed my toe!” Buffy shouted back down. The older Slayer took a moment to compose herself. _‘You’re a general. Get yourself together,’_ she thought.

“Sorry about that. Anyway, you may not realize it but there’s something _different_ with you today. It’s the reason why I’m gonna be driving for a little while, alright? It’s only because I care about you,” she said. With that, she made her way to school.

* * *

The older Buffy felt her eyes glaze over as her biology teacher explained something or rather about the digestive system. She had been hearing these classes as Buffy’s soul the whole year. She felt like he had gone over the different points so many times in such a way that even a child would understand. Buffy would probably do so much better if she hadn’t been so exhausted from slaying. She noticed Willow from the corner of her eye writing down detailed notes. She gave a sigh. Maybe she should take notes as well, help out her teenage self. Reluctantly she opened up her notebook and started writing down a few words.

“So from looking at this diagram, who can tell me when digestion begins? Let’s see…” The teacher scanned the room. “Buffy.”

She looked up at the teacher and then glanced at the diagram on the projector briefly. “The mouth. The teeth as mechanical digestion and saliva as chemical digestion, but it doesn’t really get enough time to do anything,” she answered plainly. It’s not like he hadn’t been point blank saying it that entire class. 

“Uh, y-yes, that’s right. Good job, Buffy,” he said. Clearly he hadn’t expected much from her. She rolled her eyes as he turned back to the board to continue his lecture. Willow turned to look at Buffy with an odd expression on her face. Fuck, did everyone think that little of her intelligence? For Pete’s sake, she got 1430 on her SATs!

Right, that hadn’t happened yet. Well, it still pissed her off.

“Alright, so I want you all to fill out this worksheet labelling each part of the digestive system. You may work in groups of two,” he said as he walked down the rows handing out papers. Willow scooted her desk so it was right beside Buffy’s. She gave her a smile. 

“Okay, fill out what you can and I’ll help you with any blank spaces,” Willow said. The assumption that she wouldn’t know everything bothered the older Slayer but she tried to brush it off, knowing that normally Buffy would need help. Willow was only being a helpful friend. She returned the smile and lazily began to fill out the worksheet. It certainly helped that Buffy studied anatomy and physiology over the years. Partially to, in a futile attempt, explain her immortality, and partially to help her care for the Slayers she trained. It had been a few years but the knowledge came back easy enough and the worksheet wasn’t particularly difficult. 

“Wow, Buffy! You got all of them. I’m impressed,” Willow said.

“Yeah, it’s not that hard. Plus _I_ actually pay attention, even if Bu-” Buffy immediately closed her mouth. With great effort she tried to look casual as she turned to the red head. The look on Willow’s face made her curse internally. She had caught her slip up.

“Y-you’re the-” Buffy quickly clamped her hand on top of Willow’s mouth.

“Can we not yell?” Buffy hissed. Willow nodded and Buffy removed her hand. 

“Sorry. B-but you’re the Slayer spirit thingy, aren’t you?” Willow whispered. The older Buffy sighed. She didn’t really want to deal with Willow. Not in biology class on the day that Xander had performed a backfired love spell that would soon have the entire female population try to kill him out of jealousy. 

“Okay, yes, I am.”

“Oh my god I have _so_ many questions!”

“I’m sure you do,” Buffy replied. At that moment the bell rang. Thank god for small mercies. 

“Come on, let’s talk in the student lounge,” Buffy said. Willow nodded enthusiastically. The two walked over to the couches. The Slayer readied herself for whatever Willow wanted to throw at her. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too bad. This Willow was sweet and nice and Buffy’s best friend and confidant and hadn’t ripped her out of heaven and unwittingly made her immortal.

“So! Y-you’re attached to Buffy’s soul, right?” Willow asked excitedly as they sat down.

“That’s right.”

“And this happened after you, I mean, after Buffy died. So you’re like some product of a Slayer dying? To make sure it doesn’t happen again?” Willow asked. Buffy paused. That was… not entirely wrong. She’d take it. 

“In a way, you’re right. I’m very much here to make sure that Buffy doesn’t die again. Though you have to promise me that if she does die again, you let her go. You don’t go chasing her, you let her rest in peace. Understand?” she said in a stern voice, capturing Willow’s eyes. The redhead nodded nervously. She then broke eye contact and played with her shirt’s sleeves.

“D-do you not like me?” the teenager whispered. She had somehow shrunk herself on the couch. Buffy felt a sting in her chest.

“Oh, Willow. I do. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to come across like that. I just… there are things I can’t quite explain. Things from a… _different_ time. But you’re such a good friend to Buffy. You’re her best friend,” she explained softly. She placed a hand on Willow’s knee.

“Can I be your friend, too?” Willow asked. Buffy couldn’t help but laugh.

“You already are. Anyone who helps Buffy is a friend in my book,” the Slayer said with a smile. 

“What about people who help with English homework?” Willow asked with a goofy grin. Buffy matched it with one of her own.

“Definitely. Even if Buffy doesn’t want to see him that way. Yet.”

“You really do trust him, huh?”

“More than you could know,” Buffy said wistfully. God. She trusted Spike with her life. With her mother and Dawn’s lives. With saving the world. There was no one else. There never could be.

“You know him well? From before you were with Buffy?” Willow asked. Buffy looked off into the distance. God, was that weird. No one saw her as Buffy. Or even a part of her. Just some possessing entity that had latched onto their Slayer. All of her experiences that happened in her past was now a future that would no longer come to pass, not in the way that it had for her. Her history with Spike no longer existed. She was just a collection of memories held together with the promise of a better future. A chance to make things right. 

“Buffy- I mean, miss spirit?” Willow’s voice brought her back to the student lounge. 

“Sorry about that, Will. Got caught up a bit. You can call me Buffy if you want. I _am_ Buffy, after all,” she said. Willow paused for a moment.

“If you want. It just uh. Might get a bit confusing,” Willow said.

“Hmm. You do have a point. Maybe you need a nickname for me. Oh, but not ‘possessing girl’, alright?” Buffy instructed. Willow giggled.

“Well I mean. What is your actual name?”

“Buffy.”

The two sat in silence for a moment. 

“That’s… a coincidence,” Willow said slowly. Buffy placed a hand on her temple.

“Uh, yeah. We aren’t getting into it.”

“This could be a chance to give yourself a name though! A-a new name!”

“You saying Buffy isn’t a good name?”

“N-no! No, i-it’s a great name-” Willow stuttered.

“Relax. I’m just teasing you. I know it’s a… unique name. Give myself a name, huh? You know, I actually did that a long time ago for a short period of time,” Buffy said.

“What was it?”

“Joan. Don’t. Laugh. Okay? I… I just felt like a Joan, alright?”

“Joan, huh? Do you still feel like a ‘Joan’?” Willow asked. Buffy sat back into the couch. Hmm, did she? Strong. A leader. Tragic life.

“Yeah, I think I could live with that,” Buffy said. Willow smiled. Then she jumped upright on the couch.

“Oh, we should tell Xander! Well, I mean, I should tell Xander,” Willow said. Buffy frowned. He hadn’t even been part of the conversation and Willow was bringing him up.

“I guess, yeah,” she said. All at once she felt a pull from the edge of her essence. The spell was trying to take hold. She beat it back with a forceful exhale. 

“He’s great, don’t you think, uh, Joan?” Willow asked, trying out the new nickname. Buffy gave a small smile at the effort.

“Yeah, he’s a good friend.”

“More than a friend, t-to _me_ I mean. But you already knew that, didn’t you?” Willow asked. She was smiling but Buffy could sense something dark behind her words. The Slayer simply nodded.

“Good! Glad you understand. Oh, I should surprise him,” she said. Before Buffy could ask what she meant by that Willow had gotten up and began walking down the hall. The older Slayer frowned. The spell was starting to get stronger. She got up herself and felt another pull from the spell, stronger now. Shit. If the spell got too strong she wouldn’t be able to stay in the driver’s seat, so to speak. And if Buffy got to the apparent ‘lets all kill Xander’ stage that everyone else did, she was worried that she would actually hurt Xander. Possibly even kill him. It wasn’t like she didn’t have the strength to break his neck with a simple twist. With that tidbit of information Buffy made her way to the library. Hopefully she could get Giles to help her. 

As she walked through the doors of the library she felt the pull once again, even stronger. 

“Giles? Where are you?” Buffy called out. The watcher peaked out from the stacks, his arms full of books.

“Buffy! What brings you?” Giles asked. Buffy jumped up onto the table and sat on it. She would have to word this carefully. She knew that Giles didn’t quite trust her yet. But fuck if he wasn’t her only hope.

“We have a bit of a situation,” she began. Giles raised an eyebrow as he walked down the stairs to the Slayer.

“A situation, you say? And what could that be?” he asked. Buffy took a deep breath.

“You need to promise not to wig on me.”

“I assure you there will be no ‘wigging’.”

“Okay. I’m holding you to that. Alright. Right now, at this moment, your Slayer is under a spell,” Buffy said. She let the words sit in the air. Giles shortened the distance between them.

“So you’ve taken this opportunity to take over my Slayer once again. What is it that you wish to do with her?” Giles asked. His tone was steady; not a trace of his bumbling librarian persona could be found.

“Yeah, I figured you’d react like this. Listen, I know you don’t quite trust me yet but Buffy? She does. Right now she’s impaired by a spell and I’m the only thing protecting her from its effects. But it’s getting progressively stronger as the day goes on. I won’t be able to keep control for much longer. Not until it’s too late, I worry,” Buffy said. Giles kept eye contact with her. Neither backed down.

“And what ‘spell’ might this be?”

“It’s a-” Buffy’s throat closed up again. She screamed and slammed her hands on the table.

“Fuck, come _on!_ I can’t even say what it is!?” Buffy yelled. It wasn’t even far in the future! It must have been because Giles didn’t know about it yet and neither did the younger Buffy.

“Awfully convenient that you aren’t able to tell me what it is,” Giles said coolly. Buffy glared at him.

“What kind of ulterior motive could I have for Buffy, huh? You think that if I wanted to hurt her I wouldn’t have done so by now? I’ve had ample opportunity. Instead I killed The Master, kept her safe on Halloween, took her _right to you_ when she had been betrayed by Angelus. And you still distrust me? You decided to trust Angel quick enough last year despite him being arguably one of the most horrific vampires to terrorize the earth.”

“He had a soul.”

“I _AM_ A SOUL!” Buffy screamed. The words filled up the library like a heavy fog. Giles leaned back and took off his glasses to clean them. For a few minutes neither one said a word, instead they just looked at each other. Finally, Buffy sighed.

“Listen, Giles. I’m sorry for yelling. But I need you to trust me. For Buffy’s sake. Please,” she said softly. Giles ran a hand through his hair. 

“Alright. What do you need me to do?” Giles asked. Buffy smiled, and then flinched. The spell was trying to pull at her again. God, was that annoying.

“Okay, so I need you to cast that soul charm on me. The one Jenny did before. It’ll anchor me so the bespelled Buffy is unable to pull me out of the driver’s seat. You can end it as soon as the other spell ends. But for now I need to be in charge. It’s just not safe otherwise,” Buffy informed. 

“And how are you so sure that I even have the materials necessary?” Giles asked.

“Because if I know you, I know that you have them on hand just in case. Am I wrong?” Buffy placed a hand on her hip. Giles relented.

“No, you aren’t. Stay there, the materials are just in my office,” he said. Buffy looked around the library while she waited. She looked over to the stack of books that Giles had been holding when she came in. At the top of the stack was an old looking red book. Fairly thin compared to the rest of Giles’ library, she noticed. The title was in a language she didn’t understand.

“Let’s get this over with,” Giles muttered. He quickly set up and performed the charm. Buffy felt her essence snap into place. Satisfying, like placing the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle. She rolled her shoulders back with ease. She looked up at Giles with warmth in her heart.

“Giles. Thank you,” she said. She wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug.

“Er, yes, of course. You’re uh, squeezing quite tightly,” he managed to wheeze out. She immediately let go of him. 

“Right, sorry about that,” she said sheepishly. Her attention was grabbed by the sound of Xander walking through the library doors. Buffy narrowed his eyes at him. Yes, he was a dumb teenager, but trying to get revenge on Cordy by inflicting a love spell just so he could reject her back? She was disappointed in him. He knew better. 

“Hey Giles, Buffster. What’s happening?” Xander asked. Buffy folded her arms.

“I don’t know, Xander. What is happening?” Buffy asked. 

“Uh… nothing! Nothing at all,” he said quickly. Buffy gave him a minute and then sighed. She wasn’t going to have him fix it right then and there. After all, when would she have another chance to have full control? She had plans that night.

* * *

The moment school ended Buffy slipped into the library to pick up some stakes. She had one chance. One opportunity to take out Angelus herself. Part of her wanted the younger Buffy to kill Angelus. It was such an important event in her life. As painful and awful as it was, it was proof to herself that she, when the chips were down, was able to put the world over love. Over the years she looked back at that moment to give her strength. ‘I was able to send Angel to hell, I will be able to do this’. She still wasn’t entirely sure if it was something that she wanted to take away from her young self. 

However, she knew how much torment it had caused her. The guilt. The pain. And the nightmares. Oh god, the nightmares. For months she would see his face in her dreams, the confused betrayal in his eyes. He would reach out for her every time. And every time she would plunge the sword deeper in his stomach, condemning him to hell. It was a trauma that no teenager should have to go through. And god damn it, she wanted to care for her younger self more than anything. 

She still wasn’t sure what was the right thing to do. She would probably never know.

The desire to protect her teenage self won out. Equipped with a couple of stakes, the longest living Slayer set out for the factory. She would get there, knock out Dru, and take out Angelus. Even at seventeen Buffy had been stronger than Angelus. With her training? She knew that she would win. There was no question. 

She walked into the setting sun with determination. Absent-mindedly she played around with the stake in her hand. The factory was on the other side of town from the school, making it a fairly long trek on foot. It wasn’t unwanted though: nothing felt better than the ability to move herself. She relished in her temporary freedom. Buffy began to speed up from a walk to a jog until she was full on sprinting. Using her Slayer speed was at times exhilarating. Adrenaline of knowing what awaited her at the finish line fueled her every step. By the time Buffy saw the factory the sun had left the sky.

Buffy stopped a couple metres away from the factory; far enough that no one inside would sense her yet. “So Buffy, this is the plan. I’m going in. I’m going to knock out Drusilla and then I’m going to stake Angelus. I’m sorry for the pain that it’s going to cause you. But you know that I have to do this. I love you,” she whispered. She took a deep breath. 

Showtime.

Buffy opened her senses to feel for Angelus. She couldn’t sense him though. She frowned. This Buffy’s supernatural abilities were still fairly weak. Maybe she was too far away. Buffy slowly began to walk towards the entrance in focus. She began to feel something on her periphery. Only one entity though. Powerful. She tightened her grip on her stake as she continued to creep forward. A master vampire. She was still too far to tell which of the Aurelian line was inside. It put her on edge. Why could she only feel one? She was at the front door and could still only sense one vampire inside. Time to figure out what was going on. 

One.

Two.

 _Three!_ Buffy kicked the door open and quickly scanned the open main room. No one. She positioned herself into a fighting stance, heart racing.

“Come out!” Buffy commanded. She heard a sound from deeper inside the factory. It slowly came towards her. It wasn’t footsteps, though. She furrowed her brow. That signature… Spike wheeled into the open room. Buffy’s shoulders immediately relaxed but her heart rate remained high. She had been preparing to kill Angelus. Buffy got out of her fighting stance. 

“What, you don’t see me as a threat? I migh’ be weak, little girl, but I can still rip your throat out in a second,” Spike snarled. Buffy laughed. She couldn’t help it. 

“Oh, funny, am I?” Spike leapt out of his chair at Buffy, shifting into game face. Buffy easily dodged the attack. 

“Oh come on, Spike. Don’t be like that. I’m not going to kill you,” Buffy teased. Spike narrowed his eyes at Buffy. Those gorgeous blue eyes were a blazing amber. He morphed back into his human face. 

“You… you’re back. You aren’t Buffy, you’re the other one,” he said. Buffy gave a shrug.

“I am Buffy. But you’re right: we haven’t had a chance to dance since Halloween. Miss me?” Buffy asked. Spike frowned.

“Why are you here?” 

“What makes you think I wasn’t looking for you?”

Spike cocked his eyebrow. Buffy sighed in defeat and jumped up to sit on top of the large table in the middle of the room. 

“Alright, yeah, you got me. I’m here for Angelus,” Buffy said. Spike growled at the mention of his grandsire. Buffy didn’t flinch. 

“God, it’s so easy to get you riled up, huh? I’m here to kill him,” Buffy said in a matter-of-fact tone. “Where is the asshole, anyway?” 

“And what makes you think that I’d tell you that?” Spike scoffed. Buffy grinned.

“I dunno, maybe because you hate Angelus even more than I do?” she teased. Spike finally cracked a smile and began to relax himself. He sat down next to the Slayer.

“I’ll bite. Dru started acting strange this afternoon, talking about some ‘other’. Naturally, this brassed Angelus right off. So he planned on blowing some steam by seein’ if he could torture the Slayer s’more. I guess you two just missed each other. Dru’s out there hunting for this ‘other man’ or whatever. Let Angelus deal with her cheating this time,” he explained. Then the vampire looked over at the door. “So, you gonna go look for the great forehead or what?”

The older slayer gave a small pout. She could go after him. She had no idea when she would have another chance to take this burden off of the younger Buffy’s shoulders. But she didn’t know exactly where he would be. At her home? At one of the scoobies’ homes? She wasn’t afraid of not finding him; she was afraid of finding him and then losing control of the body. The teenager might not be able to survive the encounter. Not yet. Perhaps Buffy killing Angelus was something that she had to do herself, as determined by the PTB or whatever. 

Besides, she finally had some more time with her favourite vampire. 

“Nah, I think I’ll hang out with a _much_ more attractive man,” Buffy said in a low voice. She bit her bottom lip. Spike raised his eyebrows but a smile began to grow on his face. 

“Is that so?”

“It is.”

“And what, pray tell, do you suggest we do?” Spike asked. Buffy turned to Spike and straddled him. Her thighs squeezed against his hips which the vampire bucked in response.

“Naughty, naughty,” she teased. Their faces were inches apart. She was so close to his lips. So kissable. So perfect. The things she knew that they could do sent a shiver down her spine.

“Evil tends to be,” Spike whispered. Buffy shook her head and put her lips right by his ear lobe, almost touching. A ghost of what could be.

“You might be a Big Bad, but you’re not _really_ evil.” Her heart was hammering. God. God he was right there. She was being taken in. Pulled into the everything that he was and would be. She closed her eyes and moved so her lips were by his. They barely touched when Spike placed a hand on her sternum, pushing her back. 

“Right, question: who the fuck _are_ you?” Spike asked. Buffy paused. Was he rejecting her? Rejecting her advances? He was certainly aroused by her if the hardness pushing against her groin meant anything. He was still in love with Drusilla at this point, she had to remind herself. He was nothing if not devoted. And incredibly inquisitive. She wasn’t sure what she _should_ tell Spike. The mystery was certainly fun to torture him with. 

She did love him, though. And if he was going to fall for her any time soon she would have to give him reason to trust her. The Slayer sighed.

“They’re calling me a ‘Slayer spirit’. I’ve… hitched a ride with Buffy, you could say.”

“Is that so? Does she know you’re hitchhiking?” Spike asked. 

“Sure does; sees everything that I’m doing. _Feels_ everything that I’m doing. She just doesn’t quite know all the details. She doesn’t know how _good_ bad can be,” Buffy said. Then she leaned in once again, this time Spike’s lips met hers. She tilted her head slightly, giving Spike better access. He responded, deepening the kiss. Oh yes. Fuck yes, he was kissing back! She bit his lower lip and gave it a slow, obscene suck. Spike moaned into her mouth and bucked his hips. Buffy tightened her grip on his hair and-

Like a rubber band she was snapped out of control. The younger Buffy immediately pushed herself away from Spike’s lips. The vampire looked at her with wide eyes. The older Buffy screamed at her teenage self.

“Uh… I… Uhm,” she said, very cleverly. Spike stayed silent, instead kept staring into Buffy’s eyes. 

“Th-that uh. Hot. Y-you’re hot. I need to go,” Buffy said. She quickly jumped off of the table and ran out of the factory, leaving a very, very confused vampire behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mom's spaghetti
> 
> This chapter was a LOT of fun to write. Thank you all so much for your comments, they keep me going <3


	13. After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some dialogue is taken/inspired/adapted from _Becoming, Part Two_ , written by Joss Whedon. 
> 
> Last time: was based off the episode _Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered_. The soul is able to take over Buffy's body due to Xander's misfire of a love spell. She has a conversation with Willow, gives herself the name 'Joan', and convinces Giles to perform the charm to anchor her until Xander's spell ends. She goes to the factory ready to kill Angel but finds that only Spike is there. Things got a little... heated

To say that Buffy was shell shocked would be an understatement. What… the _hell_ had happened that day?! Putting aside how she had no control for the entire day until just an hour ago when she was-

No. She couldn’t think about that right now. Her face turned bright red even dancing at the edges of the memory. Thankfully her mother hadn’t mentioned anything about Buffy’s seemingly permanent blush when she got home. Strangely, she had noticed that her mom was also acting like she was avoiding Buffy and hadn’t asked Buffy a single question about where she had been.

Huh.

Whatever, it was an uncommon mercy and Buffy was more than happy to take it. She quickly threw herself into the shower to wash off… whatever had happened. The plan was to scrub the events of that evening and for it to all go down the drain and then she would feel normal and clean and go to bed, never to think about it again. Instead, once she was under the warmth of the running water Buffy couldn’t _stop_ thinking about it. That kiss warmed her up more than the hot shower despite his lips being so cold. Yes, it hadn’t been _her,_ but Buffy still felt every sensation. How pushing herself into his lap had sent jolts of electricity curling her toes. How when she felt his body react to the kiss, her body had responded in kind with a whole wave of sensations pooling in her pelvis, staining her underwear. It had felt so good. So bad. Horrifically, terribly good.

Buffy quickly turned on the cold water before her brain short circuited. The flash of cold water was a slap to the face. Good, she needed that. Get yourself together, girl. Buffy quickly towel dried her hair and then flopped on top of her bed. She groaned as thoughts of a certain vampire crawled back into her mind. The phone ringing was an _extremely_ welcome interruption. Buffy grabbed at her phone to pick it up.

“Hello?”

“Buffy? It’s Willow.”

“Wills!” Buffy repositioned herself on her bed to be more comfortable. “I’m so glad you called. What’s up?”

“Sounds like there’s something up with you,” Willow said. Buffy gave a nervous laugh. From habit, she fell back to see what her ‘other’ self thought she should do. To her surprise, she seemed sheepish about the whole situation. Buffy could tell that she didn’t regret it, though. Buffy still wasn’t sure exactly how she felt about the whole thing.

“Uh, you go first,” Buffy said. She needed a bit of time if she was going to be able even begin to tell her best friend what had gone on.

“Well, first of all. I met Joan, er, the Slayer spirit today and it was really cool! And uh, you probably saw that, didn’t you?”

“Yup. Privy to your whole conversation with miss ‘Joan’. I gotta admit though: I like the name choice.”

“Figures you would. You both seem really similar. It’s like she’s just a… more mature version of you,” Willow said thoughtfully. Buffy scoffed. Yeah, because playing tonsil tennis with your mortal enemy is really ‘mature’. 

“N-not saying that you’re aren’t all mature-girl! But you have to admit that she does seem older,” Willow said. Buffy gave a sigh.

“She does. And I mean yeah, we are similar. Like I said before, she feels like a part of me. Not just some separate entity.”

“Just the more responsible Buffy,” her best friend teased. 

“Shut up!” Buffy giggled. The teenager rolled over so she was on her back, looking at the ceiling. The giggles ended and Buffy sensed a shift in the conversation’s tone.

“Anyway, so then after talking to miss Joan I felt like, the need to be with Xander. This unstoppable _pull_. Like my body would burn up if I didn’t act on these impulses. So I ended up going to his house and literally crawling into his bed.”

“Willow!”

“I know! I never would have normally. But that stupid spell. I-it like, took over my entire mind and made me act like, like a ho-bag! And I would never do that. Especially not to Oz! That’s not who I am, Buffy. It was so disturbing and disgusting. Just, violating. I-I know that Xander didn’t mean to do that with his spell but my god, Buffy. I can barely stand to look at myself,” Willow explained. Buffy could hear the redhead choking back tears. She sat up on her bed.

“Will, it wasn’t you,” she said softly. There was silence for a few moments, save for the sounds of breathing. She shifted on her bed and looked over at the photos on her dresser, letting her friend gather her thoughts.

“I just… feel so defeated. Like I’m weak minded or something. I can’t help but keep on thinking what if somehow it’s my fault? Like I’m not strong enough and that’s why I acted the way I did.”

“It’s not your fault! Willow, this was something done _to_ you. You didn’t ask for it.”

“I… I guess,” Willow relented. Her best friend gave a big sigh. “It’s been a really, really long day, you know? But I’m glad I decided to call you. You just seem so strong and sure of yourself. I mean, it’s not like you were literally throwing yourself at Xander.”

“Yeah, well, our friend Joan sure threw herself at someone else,” Buffy admitted.

“ _No!_ ”

“Yeah…”

“Wow. I guess Joan really trusts Spike, huh?” Willow said. Buffy’s jaw fell.

“What?!”

“W-well I just mean, to willingly put your neck that close to, uh, a vampire’s face… you know, with the ‘grr, argh’ and all.”

“What?” was all Buffy could manage to reply. She hadn’t even thought about that. But god, she really had practically given herself to Spike as dinner. The spirit was either incredibly stupid, or _knew_ that Spike wouldn’t hurt her like that. It wasn’t a matter of her willingly putting Buffy in danger- Buffy knew somehow, as if it was a core fact of her entire being, that her other self would never hurt her. She was part of her, after all. 

“Buffy?” Willow’s voice interrupted her thoughts.

“Huh?”

“You kinda went radio silence there.”

“Ah. Yeah, sorry about that. I’m just kinda thrown that she would trust him. I certainly don’t,” Buffy said, trying to convince both Willow and herself.

“You don’t trust him… which is why you let him help with homework and didn’t stake him?” Willow clearly wasn’t buying it.

“H-he’s a vampire!” Buffy cried.

“Uh-huh.” The statement remained unspoken: she had trusted Angel. Buffy bit her lower lip.

“He had a soul,” Buffy mumbled. Willow sighed.

“Yeah. So does Xander,” she said.

* * *

Buffy didn’t quite know how to feel about seeing Xander the next day. After her conversation with Willow she couldn’t help but feel gross about him. While walking to school, Buffy considered how she would react to the inevitable apology from him. Would she accept it immediately? _Should_ she? Buffy had probably the best end of stick, with ‘Joan’ taking care of her and all. But everyone else had been so badly hurt by his careless actions. It wasn’t like when Xander had attempted to… assault her when he was possessed by the hyena; he didn’t even remember it. Though to be honest, Buffy wasn’t quite sure that he was telling the truth about that.

The Slayer spirit seemed to agree with that assessment. Interesting.

Buffy didn’t see Xander until the scooby meeting after school. She was sitting at the table with Willow and Miss Calendar when in walked Xander and- _Cordelia_?! She decided to get back with him? Colour Buffy shocked. The couple stopped by the door. Cordy mutter something to Xander, gave his hands a tight squeeze, then left the library. Xander then approached the group. 

“Okay everyone, I wanna start this off with an apology,” he said. Buffy nodded, she was waiting for this. “Right, so I’m sorry for yesterday. What I did, using a love spell? That was wrong of me.”

The group stayed in silence for a few moments until Buffy realized that that was it. That was his whole apology. She stared in stunned silence watching him take a seat and turn to Giles.

“So what’s up for today, G-Man?” he asked. Buffy felt anger bubble within her. He wasn’t getting off that easy; who did he think he was? Buffy opened her mouth when someone else spoke.

“N-no. No, it does not work that way.” Willow was shaking, eyes looking down at the table.

“W-Will?”

“It doesn’t work that way! You can’t just, just, _waltz_ in here and go ‘oh sorry, my bad’ and then we what? We forgive you?! Expect me to just get over it?”

“Look, I’m sorry but it was an accident. It wasn’t that bad,” Xander said, brushing back his hair.

“You aren’t the one who gets to decide if it’s bad or not! Not after you, you, _rape_ my mind!” Willow screamed. Everyone stared at the redhead, speechless. Buffy was so proud of her friend for standing up for herself. Xander, however, took the silence differently.

“Come on, Will. ‘Rape’? Don’t you think that’s a bit much?” he asked. The brunet looked around the room for confirmation.

“No, I don’t think it is. What you did to Willow, what you did to everyone? You assaulted their minds. Even as a mistake it was so, so wrong. Incredibly, horribly wrong and I don’t think you realize how badly you messed up, Xand. The things your spell made people do... It’s disgusting,” Buffy explained.

“Seriously?! I never meant to hurt anyone!”

“But you did. And until you take responsibility for what you’ve done, on purpose or otherwise, I think it’s best that you not come by,” Buffy said. She looked over to Willow who gave an appreciative nod. Miss Calendar placed a hand on her shoulder in support.

“Wh-what are you saying? You’re kicking me out of the scoobies? You can’t do that! Giles, come on. Tell the girls that they’re overreacting,” Xander said. The librarian shook his head.

“I think you best listen to Buffy. I’m sorry, Xander, but I have no choice but to ask you to leave.”

“But-”

“Don’t make me repeat myself,” Giles said coldly. Xander opened his mouth and then closed it a few times as if about to say something and then deciding not to. After a few moments he realized that he was alone. The teenager glared daggers at the room but left without a word. As soon as the library door swung closed behind him Willow burst into tears. Miss Calendar immediately wrapped her arms around the girl and let her sob into her chest.

“Shh, it’s okay, Willow. You did the right thing saying that. I’m so, so proud of you for saying that and standing up for not just yourself but for all of us,” she said softly. Giles took off his glasses and began to polish them.

“Right then. Ah, Jenny, if you could ensure that everyone gets home safely. I’ll do some training with Buffy before calling it a day,” he said. Miss Calendar nodded. Soon it was just Buffy and Giles left in the library. The atmosphere was heavy. Buffy took a deep breath.

“Giles, did I do the right thing?” she asked. The watcher sat down next to her.

“Yes, yes you did, my dear. What Xander did was unacceptable and incredibly irresponsible. I don’t particularly enjoy scolding teenagers, however stupid their actions are. However, it is important that he understands what he did was wrong and that his actions have consequences. He will either grow from this into a better person or stay the same and refuse to learn from his mistakes,” Giles said softly.

“What if he never understands what he did?” Buffy asked. Giles placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed.

“I have faith in young Xander. Now, let’s look on your right hook, shall we?”

* * *

After training, Buffy and Giles walked to his car. Ever since Angelus, Buffy didn’t feel comfortable with letting Giles walk by himself at night. The soul was for sure a part of that. It was all too easy for Angelus to pick off any one of them if they were alone for just a few minutes. Even a walk through the parking lot was dangerous. Once they had made it to the car Giles turned to his Slayer.

“Shall I drive you home?” he asked. Buffy smiled. 

“Yeah,” she said. _‘Say thank you,’_ the soul chided. “Thank you,” Buffy said. She opened the passenger door when she paused. Giles noticed her hesitation.

“Buffy? What is it?”

“My backpack! Left it in the library. Oh my god, and my English homework is in it. Crap! Sorry Giles, I gotta grab it. You’re good from here, right?”

“I’ll wait to drive you home,” Giles said. Buffy shook her head.

“Don’t wait up for me. Please, just get home safe. I’ll be okay on my own, I promise. See you tomorrow!” Buffy called behind her. She already broke into a sprint back to the school. The teenager raced down the halls to the library and slammed the doors open. Her backpack sat on the table waiting for her. She walked over and took calming breaths; crisis averted and all. The soul nudged her to get a move on. Buffy’s vampire sense still took considerable effort so she was never quite sure if she was safe or not. The anxiety scratched at the soul, almost taunting her. The library phone rang, taking both Buffy’s out of their thoughts. The younger Buffy paused, unsure if she should answer it or not. 

_‘May as well.’_

She walked over and picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Buffy?” her mom’s voice came through the receiver.

“Mom?”

“Oh good, it is you. Listen sweetie, I met someone earlier this afternoon, well more like I came across him in _tears_ , and he’s in a bit of a hard spot. I mean he said that his only plan was to get incredibly drunk, and one thing lead to another and-”

“Oh god mom, PLEASE don’t tell me that you’re dating some stranger. Didn’t Ted _just_ happen?”

“Oh hush, honey. No, I’m not interested in him that way. William is much too young for me. But as I was saying before you oh so wonderfully interrupted me, I have invited him to stay for dinner. So If you’re done with your study group I would like for you to come straight home for dinner,” Joyce said. 

“Yeah, I’m on my way home now,” Buffy said distractedly. She hung up the phone and left the school. The older Buffy was confused. She didn’t remember anything like this ever happening the first time around. Ted had been the only ‘guest’ that Joyce had come over. God, after him she hadn’t even gone on a date for over a year. Her mom had mentioned that this guy was younger. Maybe someone college age? She wondered if she would recognize him. Before she had realized it, she had made home and Buffy was entering the house.

Walking into the kitchen, Buffy was hit by a huge wave of deja vu. Sitting at the breakfast bar, hands wrapped around a mug of hot chocolate with ‘those little marshmallows’, was Spike. Holy shit, she should have known it was him. Joyce turned from the sink to face her daughter. However, the teenager didn’t listen to her mother’s greeting, opting to place all of her focus on the vampire.

“What the _hell_ are you doing here?!” Buffy asked.

“Buffy, that is no way to speak to a guest!” Joyce reprimanded. Spike gave one of his shit eating grins.

“Yeah, Slayer. Listen to your mum,” he mocked. The soul felt the younger Buffy’s blood beginning to boil. The soul tried to calm her. Tried.

“Mom, get out of here,” Buffy demanded.

“No, Buffy, I won’t. However I believe _you_ will be going to your room until you change that attitude of yours, young lady,” her mother said. 

“Oh my god, mom! He’s a v-. You know what? Come on you, let’s talk outside,” Buffy said. She began to reach for Spike’s duster to drag him to the back porch.

“Whatever you need to say, Slayer, you can say here,” Spike said evenly. Buffy simply glared at him for a beat. Spike was perceptive; Buffy knew that he would figure it out quickly.

“Wait a tick, does she not _know_?!” Spike asked incredulously. 

“Know what? Buffy, what’s going on? Why is he calling you ‘Slayer’? You know each other?” Joyce asked, putting her hands on her hips. Tensions were skyrocketing in the kitchen.

 _‘Just tell her the truth!’_ the soul yelled.

“I-I… We, uh…”

_‘Tell her the truth!!’_

“We’re uh, in a band!” Buffy blurted out. The soul wanted to cover her face with her hands and scream. Spike raised his eyebrow because really? This is what she was going with (again)?

“A band? Buffy, is this what you’ve been doing at night?”

“Y-yup! With Spike here. And now we’re going to talk on the porch,” Buffy ordered. She grabbed Spike and dragged him to the door. When Buffy opened it she stilled. In her backyard was a vampire in full game face, looking right back at her. And Spike. Who was supposed to be in a wheelchair back at the factory.

“Bollocks.”

“S-Spike? I thought I had smelled you. But aren’t you paralyzed-” the fledge began. Buffy leapt at the vampire with a well aimed punch to the face. He fell backwards, not expecting the attack. The teenager lifted her leg and swung her boot downwards onto the vamp’s crotch. He howled in pain and Buffy used his distraction to plunge a stake into his heart. She stood up and brushed off the vampire-dust. 

“Aw, I didn’t realize that you cared so much about me,” Spike teased. Buffy turned around, her face burning up. The soul laughed. She couldn’t help it.

“Sh-shut up! It wasn’t to protect you!” she stammered. Spike grinned and walked over to her.

“No? It wasn’t to stop him from reporting our little rendezvous to Angelus?” Spike leaned over the teenager. 

“G-gross! No, I mean, yeah it was. But not like you’re- argh!” Buffy threw her arms up in exasperation. The soul was howling in laughter. It’s not that she wanted Buffy to be having a hard time. But Spike was just so good at teasing her and it was just so goddamn _easy_. Her younger self’s entire blood supply was in her face. Poor thing.

“What is going on?!” Joyce’s voice took both Buffys and Spike by surprise. They turned to see the woman standing in the doorway with her arms crossed. Panic swelled within the teenager. The soul quickly began to give waves of comfort. _Calm. Relax. Deep breaths. You can tell her. It’ll go… better than last time._ Buffy took some deep breaths, like instructed, but her thoughts continued to be a panicked haze that the soul couldn’t properly understand. Spike looked at Joyce, back at Buffy, and then back to Joyce.

“Right then,” he began, “your daughter is a vampire slayer. _The_ Slayer, t’be precise.” Buffy whipped her head over to Spike. Well. That was one way to break the news. 

“Oh no, not you too. I thought we had moved past this delusion of yours, Buffy,” Joyce said softly. Buffy bit her lip.

“Mom,” was all she could muster.

“And you,” Joyce said fiercely, pointing a finger at Spike. “Just what the _hell_ do you think you’re doing stringing along my daughter with that ‘vampire’ bullshit? Do you have _any_ idea how difficult it was for Buffy to get that garbage out of her mind the first time?!”

“First time?” Spike asked with a raised brow. Buffy raised a hand to say ‘don’t go there right now’. 

“Mom, I’m not crazy. Open your eyes. Did you not see me slay that vampire right in front of you? Or all of the strange occurrences in town? The fights? What about all of the blood you’ve washed out of my clothes. I’m the Slayer, mom. One girl in all the world chosen by fate to protect the world from demons.”

“This is insane,” Joyce scoffed.

“It’s the truth!” Buffy screamed. The two looked at each other silently, waiting for the other to speak first. So of course, Spike was the one to break the silence.

“Uh, why don’t we talk about this inside?”

Buffy averted her gaze and nodded. Joyce shut the door behind them with more force than needed. They made their way to the living room, Spike sitting on the chair and Joyce finding a spot on the couch. This was becoming eerily familiar to the soul. Dread permeated the young Slayer’s mind. Her older self tried with little success to calm her. There wasn’t much she could do about the heavy atmosphere that hung in the living room. At least Buffy didn’t have an apocalypse to stop and a boyfriend to kill this time around.

“Okay, let me get this straight. You believe-”

“I know,” Buffy interrupted. Joyce gave Buffy her _I’m your mother and you will not interrupt me glare_ , silencing the girl. She lowered her head and stared at her feet. 

“You _believe_ that you are a-a vampire slayer. You go out and fight demons, alone, and this man told you this?”

“No! I mean, well, yes. I’m a vampire slayer, and I fight all sorts of demons and creatures of evil and whatever. But Spike did _not_ tell me this. Not even close. I was called two years ago. All of the fights in LA? How much I changed, so quickly? That’s because I became the Slayer.”

“What do you mean, you _became_ the Slayer? Why did you do that? Is it because of your father and I?”

“No! I didn’t have a choice. I was chosen. By fate o-or, something,” Buffy explained. 

“Shouldn’t you get your watcher to explain all this?” Spike asked.

“Watcher?”

“Oh, good idea. Giles’ll be able to handle all of this- no! Not with you here. God, he-he’ll kill me! Or kill you and then kill me,” Buffy said. 

“Then I guess I’ll be on my way,” Spike said.

“What, are you crazy? No! What if there are more of Angel’s minions out there? You need to wait.”

“Aw, you _do_ care about me!”

“Wait, what is this about Mr Giles? He’s going to kill him?” Joyce asked, pointing to Spike. Buffy pinched the bridge of her nose. She was frustrated by how complicated this was. _‘Still better than what I went through,’_ the soul thought. 

“Try to kill me, being the keyword. Not that he’d succeed,” Spike scoffed, adjusting his duster. Buffy rolled her eyes. 

“With how weak you are right now? He could take you. You’d be surprised,” Buffy said.

“You’re forgetting, little girl, that I’m not one of those fledges that you just staked. I’m a master vampire. You think a bit of a limp can stop me?” 

“Oh, so you think you’re a _vampire_ ,” Joyce said, unable to hide her condescension fully. Buffy and Spike simply looked at each other. Spike asking Buffy for permission to show her mom. The teen briefly paused, waiting for the soul’s input.

_‘Do it.’_

Buffy nodded. Spike turned to Buffy’s mom and scratched his neck sheepishly.

“Now Mrs Summers, I’m going to look a li’l scary for a sec, alright? But don’t freak out,” Spike explained. The younger Buffy’s heart warmed seeing how caring Spike was being with her mom, making the soul smile. He always did have a soft spot for her mom. She looked at her mom’s face change from annoyance to confusion and fear. Beside her Spike changed back into his human face.

“Y-you. Oh my god, your face.” Joyce’s face was white as a sheet. Buffy held her mom’s hand.

“You okay, mom?” she asked. Her mom nodded slowly.

“I will be; I just need a moment.”

“It’s a lot to take in at once,” Spike said softly. The younger Buffy warmed at how gentle his voice was. “Would you feel more comfortable if I left?”

“I-I’m not sure right now. I feel a bit lost. You’re a vampire, so Buffy is supposed to kill you?” Joyce asked. Spike and Buffy turned to each other sheepishly. Joyce wasn’t wrong. Their eyes darted back and forth from Buffy’s mom to each other. Spike eventually tilted his head, saying _‘you’re up, love’_.

“We uh, have a bit of a truce going on,” Buffy said lightly. The puzzled expression didn’t leave Joyce’s face.

“A truce?”

“Yeah. I don’t kill Spike or let other things hurt him, and he uh, he’s kinda helping me with my English homework.” Joyce shifted her attention from Buffy to Spike and then back to Buffy.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I-I know, mom. It’s mega weird.”

“Look, Mrs Summers. I think you should get the watcher here, you all can have a little chat, and I’ll be on my way,” Spike said. Joyce looked up and narrowed her eyes at him.

“Right! I’ll call Giles and make sure Spike gets back uh, ‘home’ safely,” Buffy said.

“Nice try, Slayer. But you know as well as I do that you need to be here for when your watcher shows.”

“No,” Joyce interjected. The two turned towards the woman. “Buffy said earlier that you’re injured. I’m not letting you go out there alone.”

“I’m a vampire-”

“You’re my _guest_ , and apparently also Buffy’s English tutor. You will wait here until Buffy is finished and can escort you home.” Buffy was surprised, but also not at all. Leave it to Joyce to take the revelation of vampires are real and place it aside in order to be a gracious host. It was probably a coping mechanism of some sort, the soul mused.

“Mrs Summers-”

“Do I make myself clear?” 

“Y-yeah. Won’t change that the watcher’ll try t’ kill me,” Spike said, defeated. Joyce pursed her lips in thought. 

“If you don’t mind, you could stay in the basement until he’s left. Though it’s not very comfortable, I’m afraid. Buffy, after you call Mr Giles I want you to get the quilt from the storage room for our guest,” Joyce instructed.

“Mom you can’t be serious. Oh my god you’re serious. Okay, fine. You should know though that I am _majorly_ wigging right now,” Buffy said. She gave Spike a face before dialing Giles’s number. It was going to be a long night that she wasn’t looking forward to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was this ever a chapter, huh?! I have to be honest: I am REALLY not happy that in the show Xander just got a pass for everything. Like if Buffy made a mistake they would drag it over her for weeks. Xander (granted, unknowingly) performing mind control on the entire female population of Sunnydale? Immediately forgiven. He has so much potential for character growth so uh. Yeah. Here we go.


	14. Conversations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been so long!! I'm so sorry, I feel awful for it taking so long to finish up with this chapter. Don't ever think that this fic will be abandoned though; I love this fic and already know exactly where I want it to go. I wish I could be a bit more optimistic about more frequent updates in the future, but everything is still up in the air; lots of Covid stress;;;
> 
>  **Last Time:** Buffy and Willow both had to deal with the aftermath of the day from Bewitched, Bother and Bewildered. Buffy dealing with the fact that her 'other self' made out with Spike, and Willow with how Xander effectively r-ped her mind with his spell. Xander did not take proper responsibility for his actions which found him effectively kicked out of the Scoobies. Buffy later that day went home to find that her mom picked up a drunken, depressed Spike who was drinking hot chocolate in her kitchen. She then ended up slaying a vampire in front of her mom, forcing her (with Spike's help) to tell her mom that she's the Slayer. Spike gave a great suggestion of having Giles come over to explain the whole Slayer thing to Joyce.

Giles made it to Revello drive quickly and stood awkwardly in the living room in front of Buffy’s mom. He kept on taking his glasses off to polish them, put them back on, and then took them off again to clean. Buffy sat as a silent bystander to Giles’s Slayer 101 lecture, taking her mom’s questions often. It was all stuff she already knew and Giles did a way better job explaining than Buffy ever could. Her mind wandered to their hidden guest in the basement. It was still so surreal to Buffy that Spike, William the Bloody, Slayer of Slayers, was _hiding_ in her basement. Not just that, but her entire relationship with the master vampire was surreal. She didn’t like fighting anyone else as much as him; something that Spike seemed to share with her. And not only that, she was getting help with school work from him! And _enjoying_ it! That wasn’t the only thing she enjoyed doing with him-

No. She was not thinking about that. Not about how strong and firm his body felt under her’s and the way he raised his eyebrow and those _cheekbones_ and the way his lips felt- 

“Buffy?”

“What?” Buffy whipped her head to Giles and hoped against hope that her face wasn’t as red as it felt.

“I said, shall we exhibit your strength?” Giles said. 

“Oh, right, sure.” The teenager stood up. “Mom, do you mind standing up?” Her mom got up and nodded. Buffy then bent her knees, grabbed onto the sofa and picked it up easily. 

“See? Easy,” Buffy said. She then placed it back on the floor with a shrug.

“R-right. Easy.” Her mom sat down carefully.

“Quite. So this combined with a variety of other Slayer abilities how Buffy is able to defeat the evils of this world. However, she is primarily ah, chosen to be a vampire slayer, so she is able to sense a vampire’s presence. It’s something we’re practicing,” Giles explained. Buffy pouted. God, she already had both Giles and the Slayer spirit on her case to get better at using her supernatural senses. The last thing she needed was her mom nagging her, too. 

“Oh, then did you already know that William, er, Spike was a vampire when he started tutoring you in English?” her mom asked. Buffy’s eyes flew up and she choked on her own saliva. The idea of looking at Giles’s face was too much. Immediately she was consumed with guilt. Not shame, however. ‘Joan’ told her not to be ashamed of her actions. As much as she dreaded what Giles was about to say it felt good knowing that she had someone in her corner. Even if that someone was a disembodied being attached to her soul. 

“I’m afraid I misheard you, Mrs. Summers. I almost thought you said that _Spike_ was helping Buffy with schoolwork,” Giles said with a nervous chuckle.

“No, that’s what I said,” Buffy’s mom said plainly. Silence filled the room and dread seeped into Buffy’s bones. She didn’t dare look anywhere but down.

“I guess I’ll go patrolling now,” Buffy said shakily as she stood up. She immediately felt a hand clamp down on her shoulder.

“Sit. Down,” Giles commanded. A chill ran down Buffy’s spine. His voice was the one he had used when talking to that Ethan guy. Without thinking Buffy did as she was told. She dared to steal a glance at her watcher. His lips were pursed in a thin line and his eyes were dark.

“What the _bloody hell_ did you think you were doing?! Consorting with the enemy?! Did you forget that you are meant to _kill_ vampires, not socialize with them? And not just any, but Spike of all vampires! The Slayer of Slayers! I am so incredibly disappointed in not only your choices and actions, but that you deliberately kept this secret from me. You _knew_ that what you were doing was wrong. I’m just baffled by the absolute stupidity of your actions,” Giles scolded. Before Buffy could even begin to defend herself her mother stood up.

“Excuse me? I don’t care what is going on, I don’t care who you are, you will _not_ speak to my daughter that way!” Joyce reprimanded. Giles sputtered in response and Buffy slowly began to sneak away. She was done with this conversation. To her relief, she heard no inner voice objecting. Buffy carefully made her way to the basement door and opened it slowly. Despite the darkness she could still feel the vampire there. 

“Shh! Quietly, come on,” Buffy whispered to the dark. After a beat the door opened fully and Spike silently emerged. She briefly wondered if silently moving was a vampire ability that she didn’t know about. They made their way to the back door, Buffy’s footsteps covered by the sounds of her mom and Giles arguing in the living room. She flashed Spike a sheepish look of ‘I’m sorry my mom and my watcher are currently fighting and that part of the fight has to do with how Giles doesn’t trust you at all’. At least, she hoped she was able to convey that message. Spike simply shrugged. Buffy decided to read that as ‘I don’t mind at all since I expected him to try and kill me anyway and quite frankly I’d be insulted if he didn’t’. The Slayer spirit hummed in agreeance. 

With a deep breath Buffy carefully, slowly, gently turned the doorknob and began to push the door open into the night. She could feel her heart thumping against her chest, her ribs vibrating. Finally, the door was open wide enough for the two to slip into the night. Spike gestured for her to go first, much to Buffy’s amusement. She briefly wondered if it was like an old timey English gentleman thing. And then he threw it all out the window.

“Thanks for the hot chocolate, Mrs. Summers,” he called out, grinning ear to ear. Buffy felt fury erupt in her. The teenager grabbed Spike by his jacket and literally threw him outside. She slammed the door shut and dragged the vampire away from her house.

“That is _so_ not funny! Giles is going to kill me when he sees me again,” Buffy scolded. Spike simply laughed in response. Buffy scowled and began walking briskly towards the closest cemetery. After a minute she paused, noticing that Spike wasn’t beside her. She turned around to see him limping behind her with a bemused smile.

“Forgot you crippled me, Slayer?”

“Shut up. You can’t go any faster?”

“Oh, sorry I’m not quick enough for you. I’m not sure if you’re aware but I had a bloody organ crush my spine,” Spike explained, his voice thick with sarcasm. Buffy swallowed down her guilt. She wasn’t supposed to feel bad for hurting a demon, right? She shook her head.

“Whatever. I’m not gonna slow myself for you, so keep up,” Buffy huffed. She slowed her pace down to match Spike’s. She didn’t notice his soft smile at the gesture, and she definitely didn’t feel herself warm from it. 

After a few minutes of silence Buffy turned to Spike. “So uh, what were you even doing at my house? Like how did that happen,” she asked.

“All part of my evil plan to kill you,” Spike said plainly. Buffy raised an eyebrow.

“How’s that going for you?”

“Not quite turning out as planned, I’ll admit.”

“You know, mom said that she found you like on the side of the road planning on getting wasted.”

“Ah. Yeah, that.”

“Yeah. _That_. What was that even about, anyway?” Buffy asked. Spike exhaled deeply. 

“Right. Well, after you oh so kindly threw yourself at yours truly last night your scent was all over me. Enough for Dru to tell what had happened immediately,” Spike began. Buffy’s face turned a deep red.

“I-I wasn’t, I mean,” Buffy started. Spike flashed a teasing grin. 

“It wasn’t ‘you’, yeah I know. It’s okay. Still your body, though. Still your scent.” Buffy’s stomach dropped at this. Oh no. Had Angel realized she was there? Did Dru hurt Spike? He didn’t _look_ like he had any new injuries. Spike caught her eye looking him over, making Buffy blush and quickly look away.

“No, Dru didn’t attack me. God, she wasn’t even angry, that’s the worst part of it, you know? She didn’t care. Said that she had ‘daddy’, didn’t need to worry about me. Bitch thinks she doesn’t need me!” Spike growled. His eyes flashed amber. Then he stifled a sob and turned to Buffy. “Can you believe she said that? Our love’s _eternal_. How could she forget that?”

Buffy frowned. She didn’t really understand their relationship. Hell, she didn’t like Drusilla. But she could see the pain on Spike’s face; he wore his heart on his sleeve. Seeing how distraught he was tugged at something within Buffy. She felt her heart tighten. It bugged her more than she liked that she didn’t know what to say. 

At least ‘Joan’ was trying to nudge her in the right direction.

“It’s like she thinks that she’s better than you, but she totally isn’t. I mean, you’re the Slayer of Slayers,” Buffy said. Spike captured her eyes and for a few beats Buffy worried that she said the wrong thing.

“You’re right. You’re absolutely right. That _bitch_ is just acting so high and mighty, thinking I’m a sad cripple. Well I’ll show her. Cunt won’t see what’s coming,” Spike said. Buffy inwardly sighed in relief. 

“So how does my mom factor into all this?”

“Right. Well, I got right upset, knowing that Dru chose Angelus over me, _again_. She couldn’t even pretend to care. So I drank last night away, passed out, woke up today and picked up right where I left off. But I couldn’t stand another night of those two. The sounds. The _smell._ They were too busy to notice me, so I grabbed some booze and left the moment the sun went down. Reckon your mum saw me sitting on the sidewalk drinking as she stopped her car and asked me what was going on. Your mum is much too trusting, Slayer. I could smell you on her, so I could tell who she was immediately. It was mighty dangerous of you, not havin’ her know about all the baddies that go bump in the night,'' Spike said. Buffy frowned.

“Well, yeah. I mean, I kinda asked Giles before if we could tell her but he said no,” she said. Spike gave her a look that was becoming all too common.

“And you just let that stop you?”

“I guess, yeah? I dunno. When it comes to stuff like that, important things like that, I trust Giles to know what to do. Like, to tell me what to do.” Spike scoffed at this.

“What, is he your dad now?” Spike asked sarcastically. Buffy looked away.

“Closest thing I really have to a father figure. At least he’ll actually spend time with me,” she said softly.

“Oh.”

“Yeah…”

“So uh, your mum,” the vampire began. Buffy nodded, happy to change the direction of the conversation.

“Yeah, mom. What happened next?”

“Well. She asked me what’s wrong. I said it was none of her business. But she didn’t let it quite go. She’s persistent, Joyce is. I gave it a thought and realized that well. Everything that’s gone wrong is your fault, and if your mum invites me in it’ll make things much easier for me t’ kill you. So I agreed,” Spike explained. Buffy furrowed her brow. Something wasn’t quite adding up. She had a feeling that Spike was hoping she wouldn’t pick up on it. Too bad for him.

“You were invited to my home and was alone with my mom. And you didn’t hurt her. At all. Why?” Buffy asked. Spike looked away.

“I-I mean, my problem is you Slayer, not your mum, isn’t it? Not much point in eating her,” he said. Buffy wasn’t quite buying it. Spike didn’t seem to be a very good liar. 

“Is that so?” Buffy asked.

“I said what I said, Slayer. What do you want from me?” Spike growled. Buffy put her hands up in surrender. She figured it best not to push him too much. She didn’t want to make him too uncomfortable and risk her relationship with him. 

Relationship? No. More like friendship? No, that also wasn’t right. She wasn’t _friends_ with the vampire, was she? Would that even be so bad, though? The idea of spending time with Spike always put a smile on her face. If she was honest with herself, really honest, she enjoyed her time with him. He talked to her like a person. He treated her like an equal, not someone to talk down to (like Angel did, but she wouldn’t say that). He never acted like he was so much better than her. She got the sense that he really respected her. Was it a warrior’s respect? Spike _was_ an incredibly fun opponent to fight. Maybe… maybe she was friends with him. Or at least, maybe she _wanted_ to be.

“So uh,” Buffy began as they entered the first cemetery. “I need to write about either Viola’s relationship with Olivia or her relationship with Duke Orsino.” Spike turned to the teenager.

“Oh?” he asked, a smile beginning to form. 

“I mean, I did so well on my last assignment, you know? The guy that went over it with me was just sooooo helpful,” she teased.

“Was he now? I think he might just be available to help,” he replied. 

* * *

At lunch the next day, Buffy looked around the outside eating area for a head of red hair. She was still awkwardly avoiding Xander and after last night had added Giles onto that list. She knew that she had to talk to her watcher again, eventually, but Buffy had decided to hone her procrastination skills. She was full on avoidy-girl. The events of the previous night still seemed to be a complete fever dream. It was the note on her sandwich this morning that read ‘to my favourite slayer xo’ that hammered home the fact that _her mom knew that she was the Slayer_.

Basically, stuff that she _had_ to tell Willow, ASAP. She finally found her friend sitting on the brick half-wall by the stairs. “Willow!”

“Hey, Buffy,” Willow said warmly. She gestured beside her and Buffy happily sat down.

“Hey yourself. Anyway, Wills. Oh my _god_ you will _never_ guess what happened last night,” Buffy said, a grin unconsciously spreading across her face. Willow matched her expression.

“Oh, oh! Let me try to guess though.”

“You got three tries.”

“Alright. Was there… a certain blond vampire involved?” Willow waggled her brows. Buffy felt her face flush.

“Oh my god, stop! But okay, yeah. He might have been the instigator of what happened,” Buffy said.

“Nice use of ‘instigator’,” Willow remarked.

“Thanks. But okay, two more tries, come on.”

“Okay, okay. Uh… He got you into a fight,” Willow said. Buffy ‘hmm’-ed. 

“Well, _kind of_. I guess you could say that. But not like a punchy fight, which would have been _way_ more fun,” Buffy pouted. Willow placed her hand on her chin thoughtfully. 

“Did you get into a talky fight with him?” 

“God, I _wish_ ,” Buffy moaned. Willow placed a supportive hand on her shoulder.

“Those are my three tries. So. What was it?” Willow asked.

“You’ll never believe this, but my mom came across Spike drunk on the side of the road, all upset cause Drusilla has basically like, dumped him for Angel. So mom felt bad for him and took him home. And then once I got home and started to wig, we were interrupted by a vamp in the backyard!”

“Oh my god. Wait, oh my god did your mom _see it_?”

“Even worse, she saw me _slay_ the damn guy. But it doesn’t stop there,” Buffy said. Willow raised her eyebrows, nudging her to continue.

“So I ended up telling mom that I’m the Slayer. And Spike said ‘hey you should have your watcher explain’. So I called Giles over but had to hide Spike so he wouldn’t try to stake him. I mean, he is still weak and all,” Buffy explained. Willow nodded along. Buffy was pleased that she didn’t have to justify herself to her best friend. She just intrinsically understood why she didn’t kill Spike. It warmed her deep inside.

“Did he manage to stay hidden?” Willow asked. Buffy immediately covered her face with her hands and groaned loudly.

“Oh my _GOD!_ That’s the worst part!! I managed to sneak him out of the house while Giles was talking to mom and just as we were about to close the door he CALLED OUT TO SAY GOODBYE TO MY MOM!”

“He _didn’t!!_ ”

“He _did!!”_

“Oh my god! I can’t believe that,” Willow said. She looked at her half eaten sandwich in her hands with contemplation. Buffy nudged her side softly.

“But,” she began, “he is kind of my English tutor I guess. So he went over my next assignment with me for the rest of the night while I patrolled.” Willow turned to face her with a huge grin and the two shared a squeal. It meant so much to Buffy to have someone to talk about this with. And she knew that Willow would support her… _friendship_ , or whatever her relationship with Spike was. So now she had both her teenage best friend and some mysterious Slayer entity supporting her. 

It was nice, not being one girl in all the world.

“Hey guys, what are we laughing about?”

Buffy and Willow turned to see Xander standing in front of them, awkwardly. The mood shifted immediately and Willow turned away from him. Buffy looked at Xander dead in the eye.

“What’s going on, Xander. Do you have something you want to say to us? Willow specifically, maybe?” Buffy asked. She crossed her arms and shifted herself so she was slightly in front of Willow, almost protective of her best friend. Xander gave a sigh.

“Really? I already said sorry. You haven’t gotten over this yet? I mean, Cordelia has,” Xander complained. 

“I’m not Cordelia, am I?” Willow said coldly. Her voice was quiet, yet firm. Buffy nodded in agreement. 

“Come on, Will.”

“Come on, Xander. You’re not stupid, you can figure this out. But until you do I think you should leave us alone,” Buffy said. Xander gave a defeated sigh but to his credit didn’t argue. The brunet left them alone. Willow let out a deep breath. 

“It’s hard. My chest just feels so tight,” Willow said. She placed her head on Buffy’s shoulder. The blonde put her arm around her best friend and gave a quick squeeze. The duo looked up to see Cordelia approaching them. Ugh, couldn’t she give them a break?

“What do you want, Cordelia,” Buffy asked flatly. She wanted this conversation to be as quick as possible. The brunette rolled her eyes.

“And a hello to you too. I thought you guys would have accepted Xander’s apology by now. What gives?” she asked. Buffy scoffed.

“You call that an apology? Could have fooled me,” she said. Cordelia put a hand on her hip.

“Is that so? What part wasn’t an apology?”

“Well he didn’t even try to apologize just now. And before he only said sorry to make himself feel better,” Buffy said.

“You weren’t affected, Cordelia. You have no idea what it was like. It was like he used magic to force me to want him. Like, I had no choice in the matter. That’s what you have to understand. _I had no choice!_ ” Willow explained. Tears had begun to well in her eyes. Buffy looked up to see Cordelia’s expression soften.

“Oh, my god. I… Shit, Willow. I hadn’t realized. I’ll talk to him,” she said.

“Y-you don’t have to,” Willow said. Cordelia shook her head. Buffy saw a fire in her eyes.

“Oh yes, I do.” With that, she turned on her heel and walked away.

* * *

At the end of the school day Buffy quickly ran to her locker. Her plan was to quickly pack up and try to slip out home without Giles spotting her. The soul was unimpressed with her younger counterpart, but was not surprised. She was just trying to delay the inevitable conversation with her watcher.

 _‘You should go to the library,’_ the soul reprimanded. 

“I will… tomorrow,” Buffy whispered to herself in response. It seemed that the younger Buffy was becoming better at fully understanding her. It wasn’t just vague feelings that she was responding to; Buffy was starting to respond to details. 

“You’ll do what tomorrow?” A voice behind her said. Buffy spun around to see Jenny standing there. A jolt of fear sparked down her spine.

“Uh,” Buffy responded cleverly.

“Listen. I have something important to announce today at the Scoobie meeting. Which you _are_ going to, aren’t you?” Buffy bit her lip.

“Uh, well, actually,” she began. Jenny raised an eyebrow at the teenager.

“Is there something more important going on?”

“Uhhh…” Buffy tried. The soul felt her asking for help figuring out an excuse. Well, she wasn’t about to help her. Clearly Buffy hadn’t realized how reliant she had become on the soul to help her out of a bind; she was floundering trying to give the computer teacher an excuse.

“Riveting. No help from your friend? Then I’ll walk you to the library,” Jenny said. She placed a hand on Buffy’s back and gently guided her towards the library. 

“Thanks for nothing,” Buffy muttered quietly.

 _‘No problem,’_ the soul replied cheekily. She was curious as to what Jenny’s announcement could be; last time she recalled her relationship with the teacher being much more strained. It had been so long ago, but during her go around her relationship with her was ‘she’s my teacher, she’s all into the supernatural stuff, she’s part of the group that cursed my boyfriend and lied about it so now I’m mad at her, oh now she’s dead oops’. 

Yeah, this was a much better timeline.

They entered the library to find Giles, Willow, and Oz already around the table. Buffy aggressively avoided making eye contact with Giles. The soul could feel his sharp gaze on the side of her head as she took her seat. Anxiety bubbled within the young Slayer, threatening to overflow. The soul sent feelings of comfort to minor effect.

“Before Miss Calendar shares her news I believe Buffy has something to tell the group,” Giles said, keeping his eyes firmly affixed on Buffy.

“Uh,” Buffy explained cleverly. She looked quickly around the table. Jenny looked genuinely interested. Oz had his normal blank expression. Willow was biting her lip, knowing exactly what it was that Giles was referring to. 

_‘Willow’s got your back. So do I.’_

Buffy took a steadying breath and turned to Willow. The redhead nodded in support.

“So I uh,” she began, “well. How should I start? So Spike. He’s not as injured as we thought he was. He can walk now. Not well, mind you, but he can. We’re uh, keeping it a secret though. Angel and Dru still think he can’t walk.” The teenager looked around at the room before more words came tumbling out. “Which is good. That they don’t know, I mean. We uh, we have a bit of a truce right now. Which means that we can’t hurt him,” she said, looking over at Giles. Jenny hummed.

“What are you getting out of this truce then?” she asked. Buffy tilted her head slightly.

“What?”

“A truce goes both ways. He is benefiting by you not harming him in his weakened state and keeping his recovery from Angel. How are you benefiting from this truce?”

“Yes, Buffy. How are you benefiting,” Giles said dryly. Buffy’s cheeks reddened.

“He’s tutoring me in English,” she mumbled. 

“He’s _what?!_ ” Jenny asked. The soul could feel shame well up within Buffy. She tried to push the emotion away. There was nothing for her to feel bad about. It was a good decision making that truce with Spike. 

“Makes sense,” Oz said, nodding his head softly. The soul ‘nudged’ her teenage self. 

_‘See? Oz gets it.’_

“Y-yeah! I think it’s a great truce idea thingy,” Willow added. Buffy smiled at her friend’s show of solidarity. It was important for her to have that support. Willow shifted slightly in her seat and turned to the computer teacher. 

“So uh, Miss Calendar. You had something to say?” she asked. Jenny slapped her hands on her thighs.

“Right! So I’ve been translating the Ritual of Restoration. That is, a ritual to to resoul Angel. It’s been incredibly difficult but I’ve almost finished my work. I think I’ll finish in the next two or three days,” she explained.

“Is that what you’ve been doing on your computer?” Willow asked. Jenny nodded. The soul paused. Last time the ritual was lost on a floppy disk for weeks after her death. Jenny’s death. Oh god, she wasn’t going to let it happen again. Not this time. She pushed hard for Buffy’s attention.

 _‘You have to protect her!!! Don’t let her stay alone!’_

The teenager shook her head in response to the soul’s panic.

“You’re being careful, right?” she asked her teacher. Jenny nodded.

“Of course. Why do you ask?” 

“I… she’s really worried. I have this feeling of like, dread.”

“This feeling. It is coming from your ‘friend’?” Giles asked, taking off his glasses. He still acted cautious but seemed less immediately dismissive of the soul. She’d take it as a win. Buffy gave a soft nod. 

“Alright. After training then Buffy and I shall escort you home,” he suggested. 

“I’m fine with that,” Jenny replied. The soul wanted to scream. No, no, no! She would still be alone in her classroom. It was enough. What if it just wasn’t enough?! Unfortunately her younger self seemed to brush off her concerns.

“That’s a good plan, Giles. I trust you,” she said, more to her older self than Giles. The soul screamed to no avail. God fucking damn it. She could only hope against hope that her instincts were wrong. Soon the others left the library, leaving Buffy and Giles to do their training for the day. They didn’t finish fast enough for the soul’s liking.

“That, ah, should be enough for the day. The-the sun is only just setting now. Shall ah, shall we pick up Jenny?” Giles asked in between breaths. He wiped his brow. Buffy nodded in response. The soul screamed at her to hurry. The sooner they saw the computer teacher and took her home safely, the better. Buffy picked up her training bag and followed the librarian down the hall. As they approached the computer lab her stomach dropped. Buffy’s vampire senses were beginning to tingle. Considering the teen wasn’t actively focusing it had to be a very powerful vampire. Fuck, it must have been Angelus. It had to be. She screamed at Buffy to run. She wasn’t going to let this happen. 

Not again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOA! WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA >:3c
> 
> Thank you to everyone who's been keeping up with this fic despite the infrequent updates. I cherish every single comment I receive <3


	15. Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is graphic violence in this chapter, just a heads up.
> 
> You guys remember _Passion_ , written by Ty King? :^)
> 
>  **Last Time:** Giles comes over to explain the whole Slayer dealio to Joyce, who accidentally let's him know that Buffy has been getting tutoring from Spike. Giles is very upset, but Joyce sticks up for Buffy <3 Then Buffy and Spike slipped out of the house. Spike explained that Dru seems to not care at all that she smelled Buffy all over him. She just didn't care, which broke Spike's heart. The next day at school Buffy and Willow had lunch together when Xander approached them. He didn't apologize and still doesn't fully understand what he did wrong. Cordelia then approached them and learns why Willow is so upset with Xander. She left incredibly upset at Xander, promising to explain to him what on earth he did wrong.
> 
> After school that day Buffy tells the rest of the Scoobies that she has a truce of sorts with Spike. Then she trained with Giles. Once finished they went by Miss Calendar's room to pick her up as it was sunset. But when they approached her room Buffy sensed a very powerful vampire.

Buffy burst through the door to a disaster. Chairs were tossed on the ground, computer monitors pushed over, many of them cracked. Angelus stood at Jenny’s desk. He held the teacher’s head in his right hand. Buffy caught the end of him bashing her head through her monitor. The glass from the CRT shattered, some of it impaling into Miss Calendar’s skull. Blood began to ooze from her injuries. Buffy couldn’t tell if she was conscious or not. Fuck, she couldn’t even tell if she was _alive_ or not. The vampire turned and locked eyes with Buffy. He gave a wide, cruel smile.

“Why, I didn’t expect that we would have _guests_!” Angelus exclaimed. He raised Jenny’s lifeless body in the air so she was at eye level, still gripping her head tightly. Buffy could see blood coming out of her ears. “Isn’t this exciting?” he said to the body in front of him. Jenny didn’t reply. Buffy’s chest tightened, seeing her teacher in such a state. Tears threatened from the corners of her eyes. The soul tried to push those emotions down. 

_‘You’ll have time to deal with this later. You need to put your emotions aside and act_ now _.’_

The teenager swallowed down her emotions. “Let her go, Angel,” she said. The vampire gave a shrug.

“If you say so,” he said. Angelus then took a step back and flung Jenny like a rag doll across the classroom. Her body smashed face first into a row of monitors, her neck and limbs landing at odd angles. Buffy fiercely decided not to think about it. 

“Dear lord,” a voice said behind her. Buffy whipped her head to see Giles standing behind her in shock. The soul scrambled. She couldn’t let Giles get involved; he would be killed immediately by Angelus. 

_‘Ambulance! Have him call for an ambulance! Get him out of here!!’_

“Giles, go call 911 for Jenny,” Buffy commanded.

“Buffy-” Giles began. Buffy glared at her watcher. She needed to keep him from this fight.

“Why, is that ol’ Rupert here to join us? This is becoming a god damn _party!_ I love it!” Angelus called out. His voice echoed ominously in Buffy’s bones. The soul aggressively stopped herself from panicking. She had to keep herself together for everyone’s sake. There was no room for her to start making mistakes. 

“Your fight is with me, not him,” Buffy said carefully. She moved forward to face Angelus, blocking him from Giles. She could only hope that he would leave to call an ambulance.

“My, my! So pushy! The way you’re throwing yourself at me is flattering. You _were_ a nice fuck, really. But I’m over the whole child thing you got going on here,” Angelus said, gesturing at Buffy as a whole. His crooked smile sent shivers down Buffy’s spine. 

“I’m done with talking,” Buffy said. She swiftly jumped over the desk in front of her to narrow the gap between her and the master vampire. She went for a quick right jab that Angelus dodged. 

“Funny, Jenny seems to not be up for much talking either,” he said. He went for a one-two combo to the face which Buffy blocked with her arms. She retaliated with a right handed chop into his shoulder and a left punch to his liver. He only laughed in response.

“Did you think you were _safe_ here at school? ‘Oh, as long as there’s some daylight we’ll be fine!’ Is that what you told Jenny? Look at how well that’s turned out,” Angelus taunted. With a strong kick he pushed Buffy backwards into the desks behind her. Their edges jabbed into her back. She knew that it would become a nasty bruise later that night. She bared her teeth at the monster in front of her. She felt for the table leg with her right arm and broke it, creating a makeshift stake. 

“That’s cute! You think you can protect your little friends? You’ll stake the big, mean vampire and everything will be all a-okay? Your ignorance is so adorable! All you have to do is look behind you: you’ve already failed _so_ miserably!” Angelus goaded. Buffy bit her lip. The soul could feel her younger self pushing back her feelings of inadequacy. It was so difficult for the girl to not view her friends and family as solely her responsibility. It had taken Buffy a long time to come to terms with the fact that sometimes, no matter how hard she tried, she wouldn’t always be able to save everyone. Especially from themselves. 

_‘Don’t listen to him, don’t look behind you. That’s what he wants. Just focus on kicking his ass.’_

Buffy nodded to herself. The Slayer kept her eyes trained on Angelus. She put her hands on the desk behind her to create leverage. With a push she sprung forward feet first, launching herself into Angelus. Her feet made a solid connection to his stomach, shoving the vampire backwards. He gave a cough, trying to regain his composure. Before he could open his mouth to spew more bullshit, Buffy swung towards him with her stake. He slid himself to the side just in time, narrowly avoiding death. Buffy bared her teeth and went for another swipe. The soul frowned; Buffy’s movements were getting sloppy. She was really letting her emotions control her movements.

 _‘Calm down! Stick with your training,’_ the soul chided. Buffy went for a high kick to the kidney but missed, only hitting Angelus’s hip. He retaliated with a kick of his own into Buffy’s ribs. The soul scowled; she should have blocked that. The vampire used the momentum to get a quick jab at the same spot. Buffy coughed and spat out blood.

 _‘You’re losing it. Let me take control,’_ the soul demanded.

“No,” Buffy grunted. Angelus sneered.

“Aw, you had enough? Need me to stop?”

_‘Stop being stubborn and let me handle this!’_

“This is _my_ fight,” Buffy growled. She threw herself onto him and shoved the stake firmly into his torso. He looked down at the weapon protruding his chest and then up at Buffy. His body shook in laughter.

“You missed! You fucking missed! I can’t believe this that’s fucking hilarious!!” Angelus cried. Buffy staggered backwards in shock. 

“You get the hell away from her!” Giles yelled from behind her. Buffy spun her head around to see her watcher throw a bottle of holy water at Angelus. The bottle smashed on his face. The vampire screamed in pain as the water burned him. The smell of burnt skin wafted in the air. Angelus turned around and threw himself out the window, fleeing the school. The master vampire had left, but Buffy couldn’t help but feel like she had lost. She turned to Giles and opened her mouth but didn’t nothing seemed to come out. Giles turned to Jenny’s body lying awkwardly on the desks.

“Buffy, the paramedics should be here soon. I need you to pick- I need you to pick up Jenny a-and put her down. Gently,” he said softly. Buffy simply nodded and walked up to her computer teacher. She slipped her left hand underneath her shoulder and cradled her face and chin in her palm. Then she slid her right hand under her pelvis. Buffy almost cried in relief; Jenny’s torso was moving very gently. It was very little, but it was enough - she was breathing. She turned her head to her watcher.

“Giles! Giles, she’s breathing!” Buffy cried. Giles immediately fell to his knees in relief. Carefully, Buffy placed Jenny’s body onto the floor. She stood up just in time for the paramedics to burst into the room.

“Are you the one who made the call?” one of them asked. Giles nodded shakily. They surrounded Jenny’s still body.

“She’s in bad shape. Not sure she’ll make the trip,” one of them said.

“Let’s at least get her there. Come on, onto the stretcher, let’s hurry,” the other replied. The paramedics started to ask questions but Buffy couldn’t hear them. She couldn’t hear anything. Might not survive? She briefly noted that Giles seemed to have stepped up and was answering their questions. Then they began to talk in more hurried voices. One of the men began to do compressions. The sound of ribs cracking was deafening. The soul could think of nothing they rushed out of the school. Buffy just stood there, frozen in the chaos of the computer room. 

Wait, where was Giles?

* * *

Buffy had only come out of her daze by a mental nudge from Joan. She looked around to find that she was completely alone. What was she supposed to do? She looked at the phone on Miss Calendar’s desk. She should call her mom. Mom would know what to do. She didn’t remember dialing her number, but clearly she did as her mom answered the phone.

“Hello?” 

“M-mommy?” Buffy felt her chest ache. As soon as she began to talk she started to feel herself begin to break. No, she had to keep it together!

“Buffy! Oh, sweetheart what’s going on?”

“M-Miss Calendar, she, she was attacked and the ambulance came but she was really b-bad!”

“Shh, calm down. Deep breaths, hon. Deep breaths.”

“O-okay.” Buffy took a deep breath. After a few moments she calmed herself down.

“Okay, I’m okay. I’m good,” Buffy said. 

“Alright. So, tell me again.”

“Miss Calendar. She uh, she was really badly attacked. When the ambulance people came they had to start uh, CPR. They took her to the hospital but, but I don’t know. Mom, what if she’s, what if she’s dead? And it’s because I couldn’t protect her!”

“Buffy, Buffy calm yourself, please. We, we don’t know yet how she’s doing. Is Mr. Giles with you?” her mom asked. Buffy quickly looked around to confirm that she was alone.

“N-no, no he’s not here.”

“Then he must be at the hospital with Miss Calendar. I’ll come pick you up and take you there to meet them.”

“N-no.” Buffy bit her lip. Joan was overwhelming her with the thought that Giles wasn’t at the hospital. No, she had the sense that he would be at the factory. Probably in an attempt to get revenge.

“No?”

“He… I don’t think he’s there, mom. I think he’s going to try to do something really stupid.”

“Oh, no. Should we call the police?”

“No! No mom, it’s not something that the police can do. It’s something that only I can do.”

“Al-alright, Buffy. If you’re sure. Come home as soon as you can though, okay?”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll see you there, mom,” Buffy said. She hung up the phone and took a few steadying breaths. She had to just... not think about Miss Calendar. Right. Her focus right now had to be Giles. Buffy quickly grabbed her bag and ran out of the school. She wouldn’t admit how relieving it felt to not be in that classroom anymore. She wasn’t sure how she’d be able to face it again. Well, she’d just have to burn that bridge when she got to it. That was how it went, right?

Sure.

Buffy got up to top Slayer speed and sprinted to the factory. She just had, had, _had_ to make it in time. The muscles in her legs began to scream at her for pushing them so far. Finally, Buffy arrived at the factory to see Giles enter the higher entrance, various weapons in hand. Shit. The teen quickly followed her mentor. When she entered the factory she and Giles were on the balcony. In his hand was a flaming Molotov cocktail which he was carefully aiming. Buffy followed his eye line to see an unsuspecting Angel standing beside Spike in his wheelchair and Drusilla. Buffy felt her heart skip a beat. _No!_

Before she even realised what she was doing, Buffy tackled Giles to the ground. The fire bomb fell out of his hands and to the factory below, missing any of the vampires below. The three vamps below looked up and spotted Buffy and Giles. Angel gave a spine chilling laugh.

“After all that, after everything I’ve done you still can’t kill me? You still can’t even let your pathetic watcher do the dirty work for you!” Angel laughed. Buffy barely heard his words. Instead she locked eyes with Spike. She pleaded, hoped against hope that he understood what she had done. That it wasn’t for Angel. Her actions had nothing to do with Angel.

She wasn’t even thinking about Angel.

Buffy was brought out of her trance by Giles pushing her off of him. There was a dark, haunting expression on his face, one that Buffy had never seen before.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” Giles spat. He picked up another Molotov cocktail and ignited it. Buffy only stared, horrified by her watcher. He looked so, so _wrong_. It wasn’t how he looked when they were on the hunt or fighting demons in the graveyard. No, there was something consuming and disturbing burning behind his eyes. Before Giles was able to complete his throw, however, Angel jumped up to the balcony and punched Giles in the face, knocking him down. The Molotov cocktail fell out of his hand and broke on the ground beside them. Buffy sprung up to her feet.

“Get the _hell_ away from him!” Buffy screamed. She threw a punch directly into Angel’s stupid Holy water burned face, knocking him off the balcony. He landed on the table below, narrowly avoiding the growing flames.

“Daddy, let’s _go_ ,” Drusilla hissed. The female vampire picked up Angel and carried him out of the factory. Spike looked at Drusilla, and then back up to Buffy. The teen bit her lip and sheepishly mouthed ‘I’m sorry’. He mouthed back something, something like ‘west felled’? Then he quickly rolled away to safety.

 _‘Restfield’_ , Joan suggested.

Right, that made sense. The cemetery. The Slayer turned to her watcher who was having difficulty sitting up, holding his head. Flames began to surround the two, licking at Buffy’s legs. She quickly scooped Giles into her arms and quickly escaped out the doors. Giles writhed in her grip and once they were in relative safety he was finally able to break free of her hold, throwing himself to the ground. Buffy in turn lost her balance and fell over beside him.

“Ouch,” the Slayer whined. Giles pushed himself off the ground and glared at Buffy. 

“Why the _hell_ did you come here? This was my fight, _not_ yours,” Giles said through gritted teeth. 

“Giles, I-”

“And I can’t believe you! After everything he’s done, after _killing_ Jenny in front of me, you couldn’t even let someone else kill Angel?”

“That’s not-”

“Leave me alone.”

“No!” Buffy slapped Giles across the face, the force causing him to fall over again.

“I can’t leave you alone. God, won’t you at least listen to me? Giles, I need you. You can’t leave me too,” she explained. Tears threatened to cloud her vision.

“Buffy…”

“It’s okay if Angel dies. I’m even ready to do it myself. That’s not why I stopped you, okay? But you doing this? Going off for revenge against a master vampire? That’s suicide. You can’t do that to me. I won’t let you.” Buffy’s body began to shake. Giles grabbed the teenager and wrapped his arms around her tightly. They stayed there, two figures huddled together while the factory burned behind them. After a few moments Buffy sniffed back her emotions. Giles gently released Buffy from his arms and she wiped her nose with her arm.

“Okay, okay. I think I’m alright now,” she said quietly. She helped Giles up to his feet.

“Come on, I’ll take you home,” he said.

* * *

The drive home was silent. The car was absolutely suffocating. Buffy didn’t know what to say, or even if she should say something. Joan stayed silent, so Buffy did as well. When they made it to Revello drive Giles stopped the car and turned to her.

“Buffy, I. I won’t say that I regret what I did. If I had another chance I would do it again. But I’m also happy that you came. Thank you,” Giles said. Buffy nodded, her breath hitching.

“Y-yeah. I’ll uhm. Call you tomorrow?”

“You don’t need to do that-”

“Yes, I do. S-someone has to go, right? To uh, to… you know. See her. I’ll go with you,” Buffy said. Giles gave a soft, sad smile.

“Thank you, Buffy.” The teenager just nodded and left the car before she started crying. She was the Slayer, damn it! She had to be strong. She _would_ be strong. She was almost an adult, right? So she could do this. Half believing herself, Buffy made her way to the front door and stepped inside.

“Mom? Mom, I’m home,” she called out. Her mom’s head popped out from the kitchen.

“Buffy! Welcome home. I made my ooey-gooey macaroni and cheese,” her mom said in a sing-song manner. Despite everything Buffy found herself smiling. That was one of her mom’s ‘I-know-you-feel-awful’ meals. 

“Thanks, mom,” Buffy said. Joyce nodded and then nodded to the stairs.

“It still needs a few minutes. By the time you’re done showering dinner should be ready.”

“Okay.” The teenager quickly ran up the stairs to the bathroom. She turned on the shower and let the hot water steam up the small room. Gingerly the teen stepped into the shower and felt her muscles relax. She closed her eyes in an attempt to empty her mind.

Miss Calendar’s broken body flashed before her. Buffy’s eyes flew open, startled. She placed a hand on her hyperventilating chest. No, no no no. Don’t do this. Calm down, Buffy-

Miss Calendar’s head rolling unnaturally to the side when Angel threw her across the room, crashing into the desks.

Buffy could hear her speeding heartbeat thundering in her ears. Oh, god. She vaguely felt the spirit trying to calm her down but Buffy felt miles away. She was miles and miles away from her own body. Her heart was beating faster and faster and faster-

Buffy threw up. Suddenly she found herself in the shower again, feeling the water hit her back, keeled over with the taste of bile in their throat. She shivered under the hot water. What was _wrong_ with her?! Buffy felt as if there was a ghost trapped in her lungs. At least she was in the shower already. The teen cleaned the vomit off her body and watched it disappear down the drain. Down and down and down. 

After a few deep breaths she stepped out of the shower. She was relieved to see that her reflection was hidden by condensation. The idea of facing herself right now was unsettling. It felt as if she was not real and if she wasn’t real maybe none of this was. Maybe nothing that had happened was real and everything could be okay. The teen quickly dressed herself before the condensation disappeared. She raced down the stairs to see her mom smiling with the finished macaroni. Buffy smiled back and sat down at the counter. Joyce placed out their plates and sat down beside her. She placed a hand on Buffy’s back and began to rub small circles.

“I love you,” she said. Buffy nodded.

“I, I love you too.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Buffy then put all her focus on the food in front of her.

“Okay. You can tell me if you aren't,” her mom replied. Buffy said nothing and the two sat in silence while they ate dinner. As soon as Buffy finished she pushed her empty plate away from her and jumped up.

“Buffy?”

“I have to go patrol,” she said plainly. Joyce frowned.

“If you aren’t feeling up to it or okay you don’t have to-”

“I’m _fine_ ,” Buffy snapped. The teenager stormed out of the kitchen, grabbed her jacket and left her house, leaving behind a concerned Joyce. 

* * *

After an hour Buffy suddenly realised that she was in one of the various Sunnydale cemeteries. How did she get there? What had happened? A cold wind took her out of her thoughts and she shivered. She didn’t want to be here. She didn’t want to be home. She had no idea what she wanted, only that it wasn’t what she was doing. A frustration bubbled within her.

Slaying would make her feel better. At least, it would burn out some of her nervous energy. Feeling better with a plan, as simple as it was, she opened her mind to try and find any vampires around. 

There were none.

Of course, of _fucking_ course the one time she wanted something to fight she was all alone. The Slayer released a scream and began to run. There must be someone in the next cemetery. But of course, she again found herself alone.

 _‘You’re not alone,’_ the spirit seemed to say. Buffy kicked a tombstone, cracking it.

“Yes, I am!”

_‘You have me.’_

“Shut _up_! I don’t care! I never asked for you. I never wanted you! I can do things myself!” Buffy screamed. To her confusion Joan only offered her warmth.

“I don’t… I don’t need your help,” she said, quieter this time. Her chest threatened to cry. She was not going to cry. She hugged herself pushing her fingernails deep into her arms. Don’t think about anything, only focus on the pain. Focus on the pain. Nothing else.

“Slayer?”

She looked up to see Spike shuffling towards her. She hadn’t realised that she had ended up in Restfield. She bit her lip.

“What do you want?” she asked. She wasn’t going to cry.

“Well I was _going_ to talk to you about what happened at the factory, but I have a feeling there’s more than that going on,” he said. 

“I’m fine.”

“I didn’t ask if you were fine.”

“Well, good. Because I am,” she said. Spike raised an eyebrow.

“That so?”

“It is… so.” The vampire shook his head.

“You might be able to lie to yourself, Slayer, but you can’t lie to me. You’re about to fall apart.”

“N-no! No I’m not.”

“Why do you keep on lying to yourself?”

“Because I have to be strong!” Buffy shouted. The teen felt her whole body quiver and her face scrunch up. “I have… I can’t be weak. I need to be strong, to protect everyone. I needed to have protected Miss Calendar and I failed!” Buffy wailed. She soon found herself with her face pressed against Spike’s red t-shirt and incredibly strong arms pressed firmly against her back, rubbing small circles. Tears erupted from her and began to flow unstoppably. 

“That’s it, love. That’s it. Let it all out,” he whispered softly. Buffy only cried even louder, uglier sobs. Spike took one hand and began to stroke her golden hair. After a few minutes he spoke.

“You can’t be everywhere, all the time. And you won’t be able to save everyone. Expecting such impossible things from yourself is only going to destroy you. Y’know why most potential Slayers are taken away from their families, grow up only knowing their watcher? It’s so they don’t feel too close to anyone else, so they’re able to deal with necessary sacrifices. So they don’t fall apart when someone dies in front of them because it _will_ happen. It always does.”

“She shouldn’t have died though! I should have been able to stop him,” Buffy said between sobs. 

“Angelus is one of the best out there. It’s because of you that he hasn’t been able to do more. You didn’t kill her; Angelus did.”

“It was my-”

“It was Angelus.” The two continued to stand there, embracing in the cemetery. Buffy’s tears eventually ran dry and she peeled herself off of Spike and looked up at his porcelain face. His expression was soft.

“C’mon. Let’s get you back to your mum,” he said.

“Why, why are you being so nice to me?” 

“W-well I mean. The truce ‘n all…” Spike bit his lip and looked away. Buffy blinked away tears and gave a small laugh.

“Is that so?” Buffy asked. 

“It is indeed so,” Spike replied. The two shared a smile and began the walk back to Buffy’s home. She didn’t quite understand it, but it felt as if something dark and heavy had been expelled through Buffy’s tears. She wasn’t okay. But she finally felt like she would be.

“I love what you did with Angelus’s face. Surprised his forehead didn’t get in the way.”

“Right? A huge improvement.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhhhhhh........
> 
> sorry.


End file.
